


Masks

by DreamingQueen



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Minor Injuries, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-19 01:37:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 47,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7339312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingQueen/pseuds/DreamingQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin didn't care what others thought of him anymore - that was wrong. So wrong it hurt, but he had accepted reality, accepted a brother who hated him and friends which would never trust him completely because he was who - what he was. Living off the contentness from others had been enough, but he too had to realise someday. That he was still a being with feelings. He doubted others would realise, though he didn't want them to either. Too bad he forgot what a stubborn group he had decided to become acquaintances with. Whether they'll realize in time or not is an other thing. And whether they'll be able to fully gain his trust again, that's one more other thing as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I only really want...

"Nii-san, stop and listen to me!" Yukio was following Rin, who was doing his best to ignore him. "This mission really could have ended better if you'd just-"  
"But then that woman and her babies would've died!" Rin stopped on his tracks, right before the door of their room in the dorm, glaring back at Yukio. "An innocent women and her two kids!"  
"I know that, but Exorcists can't always save everyone! One of these days you have to accept that fact, and even though it went well this time -barely- it won't always be like this!"  
"I'm not going to give up on lifes I could possibly safe only because you say that! Don't you want to save people?!" As soon as he said these words he regretted them, turning around and entering their room.  
"Of course I do. But think about the consequences. I will need to report this, and there will be trouble for you that I will have to minder somehow-"  
"No one asked you!" He stopped regretting now, angry at his little brother. Rin turned to him, face serious. "No one asked you to take all the lecturing and punishments meant for me, and no one asked you to always protect me! If you dislike me and protecting me that much then stop it already! I don't regret anything I did and there wasn't anymore damage than one collapsed wall! So I did use more of my demonic power! That's what's so bad, right? Because, seriously, if you're just wining about that wall then that's rediciolous, and - damn it, I did not hurt anyone!" He was gritting his teeth, seething. "I only hurt - defeated - the demon, and that's what we were supposed to do, right? Non of the others or the bystanders were hurt, and damn it, I don't see a reason for me not to use my power or regret anything, let alone apologize, for something I did not do wrong! So if you really hate the work you have to do because of me that much, then I'll do it - I'll explain my actions myself, I'll go to these higher ups and listen to their stupid reasons which don't have any meaning at all, really, so stop acting like you have to protect me already! Just don't do it anymore if it's that much trouble!"  
"...Nii-san." Yukios eyes were wide, emotions playing that were hard to decipher but then the clock signaled it was nine pm. "...I have an other job to do now. I'll be back in the morning. I at least hope I can leave you alone for one night." With that the younger brother left, leaving his still angry older brother alone.

Rin sighed, throwing his sword on top of the bed and laying down on it himself after stripping off his shoes and jacket. He listened for a few seconds and concluded that neither Kuro nor Ucobach were inside the dorm at the moment. He was all alone. A good thing, concidering he was still annoyed and knew he wouldn't be good company for them.  
After a few moments he got up again, sword on his back because he didn't want it to lay unprotected and away from him somewhere. Maybe the school was one of the rather safer places, spells allarming any knowing person immediately - there was no way anyone or anything could make its way onto the school grounds without Mephist knowing, that was for sure, but he didn't trust it fully. There had been enough instances where a strong demon had made it in, and there had been enough times Rin had been glad he had had his sword with him, otherwise unable to defend himself. Not to mention he did not, under any circumstances, want to let an opportunity for anyone or anything at all to take his sword. Those were his own powers one could controll with it, after all. Taking a brief moment to think about where to go he decided for the roof top, needing some fresh air but not wanting to talk to anyone, or even see anyone right now for that matter, he concluded there was his best shot to find some peace and quiet and clear his head.

The stars were nice, Rin decided. They were up there, able to see anything, free, unbound by any rules and worries. No stupid higher ups, no complains about something he really did believe he did right, nothing. No little brother who wasn't their little brother anymore, but really -  
He shook his head and laughed silently but without any real emotion. Since when did he think things like that? What had he thought there, was he an idiot? Well, yes, according to everyone. So he must be.  
All he wanted was to protect people.  
Not that anyone would care, or let him do that, really.  
Of course he knew what being an Exorcist meant, of course he knew he couldn't always save everyone and of course he knew the others wanted to prevent unnecessary deaths of unrelated people as much as he did. They never showed that though, least of all Yukio. When the woman and her two babys had been attacked and injured by a demon and then held hostages Yukio had doomed them immediately, going as far as to even apologise to them for not going to be able to save them. The other exwires that had been there hadn't done or said a thing, except for Shiemi who was shut out by everyone completely. She didn't really attempt anything to save them though, not that she would have been strong enough to do so. The expressions on the childrens faces were broken, the woman was begging everyone present to please just save her kids, let her be but at least save them, and Rin had not been able to watch that anymore, to know Yukio would act in a matter of seconds and the demon would, as the respons, what it said it would do, killed the three. So Rin had taken the brief second in which his little brother had apologized again as an opportunity to use more of his demonic powers than he was actually allowed yet to save the three. A wall had been destroyed. The demon had been slayed. The three had been saved.  
Yes he had used his flames, yes he had unsheathed Kurikara. And even though the humans he had saved but didn't even know had thanked him, even though they also were afraid of him, had left the second after they had muttered a shy but honest 'thank you', which he was used to by now, the humans he did know scolded him and were angry at his recklessness. Also except Shiemi, who then had been scolded as well just because she had tried to reason that everything did end up better than when he had not used his demonic sword. He had to wonder, wanted to at least be able to try and understand, what was going on inside the others heads. DId he look that dangerous? Did he ever do something so great as to make them believe he could be their enemy one day? He knew about the past, knew about burned down houses and lost lifes because of blue flames, but those had not been his flames, and why did they not get that? Maybe they looked the same, but he was not Satan, and as much as it was worth, he was still half a human! Though, he shook his head in sarcastic amusement, of course that was worth nothing compared to the fact that he was still half a demon. 

Rin sighed. Thinking about all the events again would get him nowhere, and getting deeper inside of his thoughts would help even less, since he knew there was just nothing to be done about who others were and about who he was. He'd accepted all of that a long time ago - the first time he swallowed just everything was when Yukio had told him to just go die, then when all his 'friends' had left him when they found out who he was, and every time he was scolded and looked down upon. He was getting pretty good at doing that, he thought, proud of himself. He knew he was just a weapon in the eyes of a lot of Exorcists, at least those who didn't resent him and just barley held back from killing him, or the ones who were just plain scared of him for a reason he didn't know about - wait, of course, he was Satans son. He knew he was just something dangerous in the others eyes, who were ready to kill him at any moment he showed signs of a sign of turning maybe possibly against them. He guessed his Cram School classmates were only nice to him because they were afraid, not wanting him to get angry because they couldn't be sure they would be able to kill him, to defend themselves against him. Blue flames, after all, could kill anything and anyone and were not easily put out. He knew there was a part of them that hated him. Just like with his brother. His only family, someone he never would have thought could act as cold towards him as he had shown to ba capable of. Though, he wondered, maybe they did hate him. Maybe it wasn't even just a small part. Maybe these were masks they were wearing, and in reality there was nothing but hostility underneath. He knew how they had looked at him, reacted at his drawing his sword and using his flames, even if he believed they had to know it had been for the good. Not to hurt anyone. Never to hurt anyone. 

Caughing, his train of thoughts ripped. Right, that was one thing, too. He had been sure he'd catched a cold until the school nurse, who he was sent to during P.E. because of a coughing fit he got while playing basketball, had told him otherwise. She had said that there was indeed something wrong with his lounges, but it was something that would be treated easily with a little medicine. He did take it and he did realize it had not done anything to help him. Instead he had started to feel pain in his ribcage, unsure of whether that was his heart or his lounges that hurt, and something at the back of his mind told him to go and ask Mephisto about it. He didn't want to, though. His instincts told him this was a demon thing, an illness only 'his kind' could get affected by -that is, if demons even couod get sick? - but his mind also told him no one would care.  
This was probably just a short infection of some sort anyways, something that would go by fast. Right now he couldn't bring himself to really care though.

Letting his legs tangle off the side of the dorms' wall he sighed.  
He only wanted to protect them. He only wanted to not let anyone die because of him or in front of his eyes when he could have done something. He only wanted those people he considered as friends, as family, to live a healthy and happy life. Flashes of his father, his for him real, human father, dieing because he was stupid, slow and weak came back to his mind, and he shook his head. Hit himself to clear it some more. It was the past, there was nothing to be done about it anymore, he needed to look forward. Shiro would laugh at him.  
Getting back to the present, he remembered that that was what he had decided. No matter how much they hated him, as long as they lived to be able to feel and express these emotions, he was content. It was all he had left, after all. He would not watch anyone die again, no matter how small a life, all were important.  
It was all he wanted.  
And if they didn't understand - well, they didn't have to. But he just couldn't extinguish that spark of hope that someday, someone would understand him. He'd love it to be his brother, his family, and that he could rely on Rin again when that happened, but... He decided to keep these thoughts to himself, hoping he'd have at least a nice dream when he got up and made his way back to his room. He wondered why, and where from his next thought came, but he was too tired to think about it, so he let it circulate in his head without much thought until he fell asleep.  
In front of anyone, beside maybe his own reflection in a mirror, he would never stop wearing that mask.


	2. Only some small annoyance

He knew they didn't mean it in a bad way. Or, at least, he wanted to believe they didn't. The way Shura as well as Yukio had used him again today, only to teach the class about demon tails and effects of purified water, it was not nice, but it did help the exorcists. He tried not to think about the fact that they could have used other demons, lower class ones one could capture, or that they just could not have done these things at all.  
They knew he was Satan's son and didn't die from purified water. He hoped.  
They knew he could handle the pain from his tail being squeezed, pulled at and more. He hoped.  
Yet it hurt more than probably even he himself realized. The rest of the class was laughing at his antics, meaning him getting angry and complaining to Shura as well as Yukio when the things happened, but they believed this was just his normal demanor. Maybe they thought he was not in much pain. Maybe they were happy about him being in so much pain. He did not know what to think, could not read others minds, did not want to think about the question of why they just laughed at him. That would be pathetic, anyways. Who was he? Some baby crying over spilt milk? 

...yeah, maybe he was. Now, sitting in the room he shared with Yukio, who was out for yet some more work which Rin was glad about, he felt like crying out in frustration and tearing down some walls. He wasn't some unfeeling being you could just experiment on, for crying out loud, the things they had 'demonstrated' had hurt like hell and he really didn't like them and he wouldn't be able to get the pain out of his body for a while. Yeah, tomorrow he wouldn't feel anything anymore, he knew he would heal, knew his demonic powers would not leave him to die, but. He had been practically showerd with purified water when a whole bucked was dumped over him from Shura. At least Yukio had been somewhat better for him to handle. But this was too much, no matter how often she said he should see it as training and it didn't hurt too much and wouldn't kill him and Rin just wanted to hit her so bad. He was more than happy that her lesson had been the last of the day - he had taken his things, sprinted out of the class room and back to his room as fast as possible, ran to the bath and thrown away the clothes soaked with holy water, further burning his skin. Looking in the mirror he'd seen his naked form, burnmarks and reddened skin just everywhere, not one bit of normally colourd skin visible. His tail had hurt so bad, so, so bad - he'd jumped underneath a shower with, thank god, normal water, and stayed there until it had been at least a little bit better, deciding to just throw away the still wet clothes he had been wearing that day. He had an other uniform. He could get more, too, if he told Mephisto his was ripped or something like that. He just did not want to wear any sort of cloth with the danger of some holy water still on it, even if it had been washed and dried. Several times. He just really did not want to come in contact with holy water ever again in all of his life, though he supposed that was wishfull thinking, seeing how many people hated him and wanted him dead. Not that now was the time for him to think about such things.  
Then he sighed. Yeah. It didn't hurt. He was fine. He curled in on himself more, now wearing the clothes he usually did when he slept, supressing the tears, hugging himself, ignoring the pain from his whole body burning, deciding he didn't care. Things like this, they didn't bother him, he was fine. He'd been used for things like these to no end since then. So it was fine. It was just to demonstrate things after all, to help the others understand. It was fine.  
He ignored that this was the worst they had done to him. He ignored the uncaring faces still in his mind. He ignored, he sighed, he was fine. Shakng his head and wondering just what had come over him the last few minutes he shrugged the bad thoughts off. This wasn't like him and he decided to not think like this again. He wasn't that pathetic. Coughing wrecked his body, rib cage aching, heart beating hard in his chest - damn, it hurt even more, and some tears made their ways out of his clenched eye. He whiped them away as soon as they had come, and continued coughing, slowly, carefully getting up and grabbing a bottle of water he was happy he had in his bag, slowly drinking a few sips as soon as a break in his nearly constant coughing started, hoping he could soothe the ache in his throat. He grabbed his shirt where his heart was underneath skin, muscles and bones, breathing in and out deeply. This had not happened before, he thought, sighing in relief when the pain slowly ebbed away. Still, his whole body continued hurting, and he wondered why his healing took so long to do something this time around. 

Rin was brought out of his thoughts when he heard the entrance door open and close, a mass of voices filling the usually silent building. He put on some of his daily clothes again quickly, figuring he would not be allowed to sleep yet after all, and laid down onto his bed in a way people would think he'd been lazing around since school had ended.  
The voices were in front of his door now, and he could tell all of the cram school students, Yukio and Shura included, were here. They entered without knocking, and Rin wanted to playfully jab at his brother with something about privacy, but he was too tired and still in too much pain for that, having to give it his all just to hide that fact. The younger one spoke up first. 

"Nii-san, not working but lazing arround, as usual... " Yukio rubbed his temple. "Well, anyways. We have a mission."  
"What kind?" Rin sat up, in pain but interested now, and watched as everyone filled in the room, Shima, Bon and Koneko sitting in a half circle on the floor, Yukio sitting on his desk, Shura beside himself on his bed and Shiemi and Izumo on Yukios bed. "Is it hard? And long? And-"  
"I was just about to fill all of you in." Yukio interrupted him, caughing slightly for attention. "There is a young group of exorcists - younger than you are - that went missing. They are all children of exorcists and all have the ability to see demons, so they took it upon themselves to solve a mystery of a 'haunted house' inside a closed and abondened amusement park. They never had any education, are all around 12 to 13 years old, there's five of them and they only know some defensive techniques their parents taught them in case they would ever be attacked."  
"As y'all probably think right now- they're pretty stupid." Shura started. "Seems like some even younger kids followed them in as well, below the age of 10, for some sorta courage test."  
"That's terrible.." Shiemi looked worried. "We need to start the mission and help them quickly!"  
"That is our mission, right?" Izumo asked to make sure.  
"Yes. We'll leave tonight." Yukio looked at them earnestly. "We have no reports of what exactly is in there, but be prepared for the worst. Even if the demon itself isn't too strong, it probably does have hostages now."  
"Go pack your things and be at the station in two hours. This is an emergency, so quick! Got it?!" Shura looked at Rin, giving him a hard claps on the back and not missing a flinch that went through him that shouldn't be because of her hitting him. "Huh? Y'all right?"  
"Stop hitting me all the time!" Rin didn't answer her question, quickly surpressing his pain again, settling for changing the topic. "So it's abondened."  
"It is," Yukio started. "And yes you can use your flames, but as always, only if you absolutely have to. Listen, those are the kids of high ranked exorcists, and if you do anything stupid, if any of them is too scared of you or hurt because of you, there will be more to pay than possible, and non of us will be able to help you probably at all. Understood, Nii-san?"  
"Yeah yeah got it only if things get really bad. So two hours? ...well, I don't really need to pack anything.."  
"You don't, we do." Bon, followed by the others, got up. "C'me on."  
With that everyone but Yukio, who was preparing for the mission, left to prepare themselves.  
Rin flinched again. Shura had hit him too hard for his already paining body to handle. What was going on? He'd been in contact with holy water before, not all of his body like this time but still. Shouldn't he already have healed? Deciding not to care anymore for now since he just concluded it needed longer to heal this time because of how much it had been, he waited until it was time to leave. 

"Ah, I see everyone is prepared!" Non of them had thought Mephisto would be standing at the station, obviously waiting for them. "I'm here to see you off~! There is a high priority to this mission, since two of the children are from very high class exorcists! So, do your best~!"  
"We'll save them." Shiemi was confident they'd do it, and if it wasn't for the kind of mission they had the others would be surprised. Of course she'd want to save the kids.  
"...oh?" Mephisto eyed Rin. "I see.."  
"Hah?" Rin looked at him confused, uncomfortable under the older demons gaze.  
"Is something wrong with that guy coming to the mission?" Bon snorted. "Though maybe we should leave him here, if the mission has that high priority.."  
"Don't do too much damage this time, okay?" Konekomaru looked up at the older Okumura. "Don't do anything stupid, reckless, dangerous for anyone..."  
"Hey, I won't, I get it!" Rin answered somewhat annoyed.  
"No, no problem." Mephisto stared at the son of Satan from underneath his hat. "The opposite. I have a feeling you won't be able to fulfill this mission without him. Though, that is not quiet it." He stepped beside the older Okumura, not looking at him but past him in the distance. "First, 'that' ability depends on how much you want it. If you don't want it, even without consciously knowing, it won't be very good or even won't activate at all. And secondly." This time he looked at him from the side. "Are they worth it?"  
"...!" Rin understood what he was saying without Mephisto having to say all of it, though the second part didn't make much sense to him. "..non of your business. What do you mean?"  
"What is this about?" Yukio and the others had listened, and now the younger Okumura was speaking up. "Did you do something again?"  
"I didn't." Rin didn't look at any of them, still glaring at Mephisto.  
"True, he didn't." The older demon began walking away. "You should forget this conversation happened." With that he vanished in a pink cloud of smoke.  
"Nii-san, explain-" Yukio started, until he realised the train had arrived and Rin was already getting on it.  
"Oi, Okumura." Bon gripped his shoulder, not noticing the others flinch, who just ignored him and got on the train completely, vanishing from their sight. When the others entered, relatively quick after him, they were unable to find him.  
"Must've gone to an other section. Well, Mephisto would've acted differently if it was too bad." Shura scratched her head, sitting down shrugging. "Said he didn't do anything and we should forget it an' all, so."  
Yukio let his gaze wander longer, wondering just what his odler brother was doing again now. Sitting down sighing he decided to leave it, watching the others do the same. 

Rin was not happy with this. How did that demon know all of this again? He hadn't shown anything and his skin still did have burn marks, but not on his face anymore - which was quiet strange in itself, why had he healed there but nowhere else? He had not let anything of his pain be shown, though!  
But he at least knew some things now. So his healing ability was connected to his mental state. But he didn't understand the second thing Mephisto was talking about. Who was worth what? He couldn't make sense of it. And maybe he was just a little angry at how things had been this morning, so this was the reason for his slow healing, but he was sure it was just a phase and his healing would be back fully in no time. He was only a little fed up because things had been piled up on him then, and maybe he had that thing, what was it? A deep point? Something like this? When people were affected by bad things more than normal? Maybe he had had that for five minutes after school. A stupid thing, and it was gone now, so who cared.  
Shrugging he sat down when he reached an empty space, only the first section had been reserved for them and there were normal people in the others, and stared out the window. He shouldn't be thinking too much about what that demon was saying, he wasn't too trustworthy after all. Knowing, more than he let on, plotting, more than anyone knew, too, but not too trustworthy. 

 

Mephisto was back in his office, looking out the window, Amaimon in his hamster form sitting on his shoulder.  
"He doesn't seem to realize what he does to himself." He listened to Amaimons quiking as though he understood it. "Well, I couldn't have him die yet. What a hand full that little brother is. Seems I'll have to get in the mix if things get too bad. Though, I have to wonder, do really non of them realise what they're doing? Are they doing it with intent?" Quiking again. "I suppose that's true. They are humans."  
Well, he'd just have to wait and observe.


	3. Getting 'seduced'?

If Rin had to describe the place they were all currently standing in it would be 'perfect location to produce one of the most mainstream horror movies ever'.  
An old, abandoned amusement park the way you'd see it in any horror story. A run down fairy's wheel, some empty boots and rides that looked like they could collapse any second, spiders and even some bats that were still sleeping since the sun would only begin to set in an other two or three hours. Rin had to grin when he thought about how funny it would have been if it was the middle of a full moon night when they arrived here, but tonight wasn't a full moon and he was sure they wouldn't take until midnight. Too bad, he'd loved to scare the others.  
Looking to his right though he realised that wasn't necessary, since Shimas legs were shaking and Shiemi didn't look much better. The only ones completely unaffected by this set up seemed to be Izumo, Bon, Shura and his brother since even Koneko didn't look all that good. Better than the other two, but worse than the other three. Well, four himself included, since he was more excited than anything else. He shook his head quickly, though, reminding himself that there was a reason that was anything but fun that they were here. He'd imagine the kids held captive here were anything but excited, probably feared for their lives, and they'd have to find and free them quickly because he really didn't want to get there too late and see them become meals for the demon. Finally they reached the haunted house, standing in a rather big empty space and looking at quiet a few doors and stairs. 

"Rin.."  
"Huh?" The son Satan's looked up, brought out of his musings when he heard a voice call him.  
"Rin..!"  
"Who..?" First he'd thought it had been Shura or one of the girls, since the voice sounded like one of a female, but listening closer now it wasn't any of the other exorcists voices.  
"Rin... Your life, it's bad right? Pleas, let me help you..."  
"What?!" He was fully alert now. It had to be the demon, there was no one else around and the rest of the group seemed to have noticed anything - that is, until he had alerted them just now.  
"....Nii-san. I was just explaining how we would split up, so if you'd listen to me-"  
"Quiet! ....Is the demon a female?" He looked over at the others questioningly.  
"I dunno. Why d'ya ask? Wanna have her?" Shura grinned teasingly, joking, he hoped.  
"Its voice sounds female. I think its the demons voice anyways."  
"You can hear it?" Koneko asked a little surprised.  
"I-is it here? Somewhere close by?!" Shima was on full alert now, looking around frantically.  
"I don't think so. I can't really tell where the voice comes from."  
"...Rin, come to me, let me help you, I'll show you a better life..!" There it was again. "Forget those humans, they're not worth it.."  
"Hah?" Rin was irritated now. Lately everyone seemed to question things like these, or berating him on what was worth something and what not.  
"What is it, Nii-san?"  
"It's talking wired things. I don't get it. So annoying." He really didn't want to tell the others just what it was saying. For some reason he didn't want them to know, they'd only freak out and send him home or keep him under strong surveillance if they knew the thing knew his name and was obviously trying to lure Rin to its side.  
"Come, follow me, here..." This time it was different. Rin felt a pull with the voice, as if it was drawing him to a certain direction. "If any of the others come with you... The children will all be dead!" The voice sounded psychotic now and the son of Satan didn't want to risk the demon losing its control.  
"I really can't tell. Let's search, I think it's talking about eating the kids. I was supposed to go there, right?" He started to walk. "And back here in an hour, got it!" With that he was gone.  
"Nii-san-! ..I don't know of he should go alone."  
"He probably hears the demon 'cus he's one too. Ya know, that sense thing we normal humans probably won't understand. Demons got a lot more an' better senses than we." Shura huffed, turning to the direction she was supposed to go. "If Rin's right though and the thing talks 'bout eating the kiddies we better get going too. See ya, don't get spooked to death!" With that, she was gone as well.  
"Well, no other choice. Be careful, and remember to inform the others as soon as you find anything." With that Yukio turned and went away as well, leaving the others to go in assigned groups of two - Shiemi and Izumo, and three -Bon and his gang.  
His brother would be able to defend himself and not have a problem with their location, so trusting in that he left him to go on his own, being able to cover more ground that way. The others, though, seemed somewhat scared by their location and the prospect of the children dying if they did one false step, and even though the young teacher knew they'd be able to concentrate and fight good when they needed to, he didn't want to take a chance. He himself and Shura didn't even need explaining as to why they'd be able to go alone.  
Sighing Yukio concentrated on his task. He could regret sending his Nii-san alone when he'd have to.

 

The demon looked nice, Rin thought. It was a ghost looking one, a woman clad in a blue and black dress, floating above the ground, a beautifully designed mask on her face. It made her look like she'd come from a masked ball of some sort, but Rin saw the blood leaking from underneath the mask that only covered the upper half of her face, saw the diabolic grin. Only a glimpse of it though, because as soon as she noticed him her expression became kind, caring almost. It annoyed and confused the half-demon. 

"Rin, I'm so glad you're here..." She spoke, floating closer to him.  
"How do you know me?" Rin took the sword from his back, making the demon stop in its tracks, and scanning the room he spotted the children. He didn't know if that were all of them, he hoped so, and he was kind of glad they all seemed to be sleeping or unconscious. They didn't need to see his flames, it would only scare them more. "And what do you want?" He'd have to be quick. He remembered that this was the direction Shiemi and Izumo were supposed to go - since he only went his direction for the shortest amount of time he was sure was enough for his brother to believe he had listened and then turned, going the direction the voice was pulling him to.  
"But of course I'd know you, my prince..." She smiled and kneeled. "These mere humans are not worth your time, believe me, I know how you protect them, help them in need, but, and there is no doubt.." She straightened again, mask splittering, landing on the floor and revealing red glowing eyes, blood flowing from them. "They will betray you first chance they get, so" she charged at him, high speed. "come with me!"  
"Ugh!" Rin was able to block her claw with his still sheathed sword, jumping to avoid a kick and ducking to avoid an other swing, taking a few quick steps back to make some distance between them - he lost his breath like it had been punched out of him, his body aching, still not having healed any more than before and he cursed. It hurt, and he hoped he could do this.  
"They'll sell you out," a kick with her right foot, "give you to the council to let them kill you," a swing with her left claw, "let you die miserably instead of helping you," biting, "and they won't ever thank you for anything!" Her hair swayed, shooting towards Rin.  
"Damn it!" He jumped to avoid the hair, watching as it managed to dent the wall. "That could've been bad..." Rin unsheathed his sword, still ignoring his pain, observing the demon. He'd have to be quick and careful to find an opening, and he needed to hold his movements at a minimum, feeling the familiar pain in his ribcage slowly building and a scratching at the back of his throat. Not now. Worst timing ever. Surpress it.  
"They don't even notice what they're doing, using you, hurting you, throwing you away as soon as they don't need you anymore, fearing you no matter how much you try yo show you're on their side!" She was attacking all the while, not leaving him time for responses or counter attacks.  
"Huh, ironic." Rin grinned when she stopped her bombardment for the shortest of seconds. "Coming from someone who's trying to kill me right now. Really believable that you want to help me." He straightened, pointing his sword at her. "Free the children and then leave."  
"My prince..!" She charged at him again, Rin dodging it and ramming his sword through her abdomen. "My prince...?"  
"The kids are innocent. They didn't know how this would really be. Leave. Let them be and -" Rin was silenced when a ghostly finger was placed on his mouth, the woman smiling at him before grinning, showing blood stained teeth and her rather beautiful appearance dissolving to show a ragged, old woman, looking like she was nothing more than bones with skin spanned on them, littered with injuries. "Wha-" she took his face between her hands, looking him straight in the eyes, her own glowig dangerously. "Sto- what are you-!!" He swayed, vision spinning, falling, registering the woman licking her lips and then everything went black. The last words he heard were 'you'll see, my beloved prince, how right I am, and how it will go. You'll soon be mine..', though he could have been wrong. He really hadn't been capable of registering anything anymore at that point.


	4. Getting nothing again

When Rin woke up he was disoriented, his body hurt - well, nothing new there - and he wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. Where was he, anyways? Didn't look like the dorm, or the class room, or the rooftop, or any of the other places he'd usually fall asleep at. Well. Nothing more to do than to go, get his clothes that were laying scattered on the floor, save for his underwear which he was still wearing, and - wait, why was he half naked in a place he didn't recognise? He shuddered when the thought about scenarios of people being drunk and wakin up some place they didn't know, but that couldn't be the case for him since he didn't drink, and...

The everything came back to him. The children, the haunted house, the ghostly-young-but-reqlly-old ghost woman, the fight, and then...  
Only now did he realise that his upper body was littered with injuries. Burn marks aside, that is. There was one long gash stretching over his chest, from shortly under his left shoulder down to his right hip, and he could tell it was deep, too. There were more cuts and bruises, and he could only imagine that demon had had its fun, but when he looked around he didn't see anyone or anything anymore.  
He wondered what that thing had been doing to him, and moreover, why it had hurt him like this - there was no sign of some sort of ritual, it seemed like it really had just hurt him out of sheer longing to do so. He also only then realised how much it really hurt, his senses coming back only slowly from whatever kind of 'coma' he'd been put in by that demon, wondering how long he had been out, wondering what she had done to get him to be out so deeply, he didn't even wake up when the injuries had been inflicted. He wished his senses would not return at all though, burnmarks hurting, the new injuries added worsening his condition. Tears were runningn down his cheeks. This was too much for even him to handle without showingn anything, and he wanted to think he could say that he did have a high pain tollerance. He was on his knees now, crawling to gather his clothes and cursing under his breath. Great, Yukio and Shura would be angry again and Shiemi worried and Bon and the others - well, he wasn't exactly sure on that but he didn't want to know. Actually, he did not know how any of them would react. It was probably better to tell them he had just gotten a little lost, not mention his injuries at all, so.  
He changed his thoughts, not wanting to think about these things anymore. Maybe the children had been put into the same state as himself by that demons power? If so, it was a bad idea to look her in the eyes as soon as they started to glow. He'd have to remember that.  
Rin decided he didn't want to have to deal with that. He found his sword - more than glad it hadn't been stole or used for things he didn't want to think about - got up and searched the room for something he could at least wrap his wounds with until he got home and could bandage them correctly. He spotted a white table cloth, haning half off it, stopped for a second to wonder about dirt and bacteria and other stuff that could make his wounds only more painfull in the long run, but then he remembered that right, he was a demon and no matter what, there weren't any normal injuries that wouldn't heal and there wasn't any bacteria or infection he couldn't deal with. Maybe he'd had trouble healing for now, but that didn't matter, because if what Mephisto had said was true then he would be healing again soon. He didn't have any 'mental issues' that would stop his healing anymore, since he'd only had a bad day - right, maybe he did not just have a bad moment, but a bad day today. Normal. Annoying, but normal.  
He ignored the voice in his head that told him this wouldn't end well for him. Whether he did it consciously or not was something he didn't register either. Ripping the table cloth and wrapping his wounds, binding them securely to stop the blood from coming out, at least until he could get home and do it better, and then dressing again he ignored the pain, whiping away the stray tears and started running out of the room, searching for signs of where the demon and the children could be, or maybe one of the others, until his sensitive ears picked up sounds of fighting. He quickened his pace, drawing his sword and holding the flames in as well as he could in order to maybe get the enemy from behind. 

The fight wasn't proceeding in their favour an Yukio knew that as well as Shura did. The demon, a grotesque ghost with blood all over her body and the creepiest grin they'd ever seen, wasn't proving to be an easy opponent.  
Izumo had been the one to spot the children first, laying unconscious on the floor, but as soon as she and Shiemi had started to tend to them the demon had appeared. They'd called and informed their teachers using their cellphones in a matter of seconds, the others having been informed by them as well, and maybe, what with all of them fighting together, this would have been easy.  
If it wasn't for the ghost demons extending hair that had wrapped around all the children, moving to use them as its shield. They couldn't attack like this, they'd risk hurting them and that was exactly what this mission was ought to prevent. Though, at this rate, Yukio didn't see any other option that didn't include hurting at least one of them. Well, they could be healed, so if the injuries weren't too bad and they were quick, Shiemi could -  
Yukios thoughts were interrupted by the demons loud screeching, the hair loosening its grip and the children falling to the ground. Deciding to wonder what exactly had happened after the kids were safe, he and the others dived in and grabbed them, quickly putting a save distance between them and the demon again when they had everyone. After that was done, Yukio looked up, deciding to find out why the demon had screeched and looesened its grip, and really, he shouldn't have been surprised. 

Rin saw the others predicament as soon as he entered the room and he had to stop himself from making any triumphant sounds at all because, rally, it couldn't have been better for him. The demon was standing with its back towards him and not even his friends seemed to have noticed him entering, so he acted quickly before the advantage left him. Readying his sword he jumped forward, thrusting it through the demons back, ears ringing with its high pitched shriek. He happyly observed the others saving the kids and getting them to a save distance, then he concentrated on the demon again. 

"..why, my... Beloved ..prince...?!" It jumped into the air, floating there, looking down at him angryly. "Why, my prince?!" She charged at him, hair extending, eyes going red, but this time he knew better than to look at her directl. Closing his eyes he concentrated on the sound of her movements and the feeling of the air moving around him, dodging every attack and diving in as soon as he'd noticed an opening. It screeched again, this time having the sword rammed right through its chest. "My...beloved..prince... I wanted to save you..!" With that she screamed again, dissolving into nothing when the blueflames of Satan's son burned her. 

"...well, that's over now." Shima was the first one to speak again, looking at Rin with a discusted face. "Did she call you beloved?"  
"Huh? Hey! I didn't love her, and she was some sort of creepy ghost woman that was obsessed with me, I don't know what she was talking about!" Rin sheetheed his sword, letting the flames disappear, noticing somewhat confused that his wounds hadn't healed one bit, even though his powers had been unsurpressed for quiet some moments, before and after he had lost conciousness.  
"She called him 'prince' too. And she wanted to save him." Yukio stored his weapon away as well. "She was clearly a follower of Satan, one of the kind that would love him as much as any kid he'd have, and with saving she probably meant taking him to Gehenna." He sigehd. "That happened one or two times before."  
"Tha's right. Ya never know about how obsessed demons are with their royal leaders." Shura stretched, having inspected the children. "They'll be fine. They've only gotten themselves into some sort of coma that was probably induced by tha demon. Y'all see, they'll wake up in one or two more days. C'me on, let's get'em outa here and to a place they can sleep it out inside warm beds." She started waling away, one of the kids flung over her shoulder.  
"Yes. That would be best." Yukio followed, carrying one on his back, the others doing the same.  
Rin sighed silently when he realised he'd have to carry two of them, but he was really only glad it was over now and the children were safe. He had to wonder about the 'sleeping it out' part, though. He'd been affected too, as much as he didn't like to admit that mistake, but he was sure he couldn't have been out for longer than half an hour, concidering time and happenings. Well, he was a demon himself. That probably explained it. 

Rin had to stop and caugh a few times, choking lightly when an almost unbearable pain engulfed his chest and stopped him from being able to breath for a few seconds. It ebbed away slowly though, and he decided it was probably that injurie the demon had inflicted on him. Not that it really mattered.

They reached the True Cross Academy quicker than he registered and the parents of the children, along with Mephisto, awaited them in the medical wing of the school.  
"We are so glad you found them!" A mother said, wiping away her tears.  
"Yes, we are grateful." A father added, bowing slightly for a second.  
"As you can see, they'll be up and healthy again in no time. So you can rest assured, as promised, the students of my school did a perfect job in rescuing them." Mephisto bowed deeply, grinning silently to himself. He was always right, after all. He and the students were showered with gratitude and apologies for not believing them more. 

Except Rin.  
He tried not to notice how non of them had shook his hand, how they'd only glanced in his direction for the briefest of moments only to look desinterested and concentrate on the others again. He tried not to notice how non of his friends pointed out he was actually the one who had slain the demon, how he was the reason non of the kids had been hurt. Tried not to notice and get angry at his friends getting all the glory and how he would probably only be accused of burning or destroying something again, even if all of that had been the ghost and its extending hair and the haunted house was empty anyways and no one would care about it collapsing but at least they had a reason to blame him for something again.  
He suddenly was unable to breathe, wounds burning and he felt them bleeding more than before, noticing the table cloth wouldn't contain that much longer. He turned around and left the room, not trying to do it silently but sure nobody would notice anyways. He was right, and he couldn't even bring himself to be mad or sad or anything like that, because his chest hurt and he was having an other caughing fit as soon as he was outisede and now blood was starting to seep through his clothes. Getting to his dorm as quickly as possible he gathered the stuff he'd need to tend to his wounds and retreated to the rooftop. 

 

"Now, done. Non of you are in any sort of dangerous condition, there isn't any poison or something similar." Yukio straightened while the other doctors left the room, leaving only the two teachers and their students there.  
"Well well, didn't you do good today." Mephisto had appeared in the middle of the room, having come back from talking and assuring the parents on their way out, unable to stay any longer since they had duties. "You did a perfect job in finding the demon and saving the children."  
"Thank you!" They all said in union, but Mephisto wasn't done.  
"Is what I'd like to say. If you had truly been the ones to do that. Tell me, who defeated the demon?"  
"Huh? Nii-san did." Yukio answered.  
"Well then, tell me something more. Why did you not tell that the parents who were showering you with praise for doing just that?" Mephistos eyes were shadowed, and a hamster sitting on his shoulder was glaring at them.  
"Huh? Well, why didn't Rin say anything?" Izumo looked around. "Uh... Where is he?"  
"Wait, he's not here? He did come home with us though, right? I mean, he carried two kids. They were here." Shima scratched his head.  
"He left when you were showered with praise and he only received heated glares. He seemed to be in pain, as well. Now, don't tell me you didn't ask him if he got out unscathed?" Mephisto was glowering inwardly, but of course perfectly neutral outward.  
"His injuries would heal in a matter of minutes anyways." Bon waved his hand dismissive. "Not like anyone has to worry about that guy." The others nodded in confirmation.  
"If that is what you think, I can only give you one advice." Mephisto turned around, starting to leave. "Do not be surprised when the day comes where he collapses at your feet," he paused, glaring at them over his shoulder. 'Humans, they really are...' "dead." With that he was gone as fast as he had appeared.  
The esquires and the two teachers were only able to blink confused and were left to mull over the words the demon had left them with.


	5. Irritation is...

It hurt. It really did. Still. Rin hadn't thought it would hurt this much, it had been the day before after all.  
After he had taken care of himself he had decided that he didn't want to see his brother when he noticed him coming back to the dorm, so Rin had escaped by jumping from the roof on the branch of a tree and then walking away in a direction he was sure Yukio wouldn't be able to spot him. He'd walked until he was too tired - which had been a short walk since he got tired too fast for his own liking, trying to ignore the pain as best as he could. He forced himself to walk some more though, because he still felt he was too close to a place he really wanted to be far away from at that moment, though he couldn't pinpoint why. It didn't help too much though. Somewhere along the line he had wandered so far off that he had reached a small pond, deciding to climb onto one of the trees and making himself comfortable on a branch. He hadn't thought he'd sleep, he hadn't felt sleepy, just worn out and unable to walk anymore- but then he reminded himself that that was, actually, pretty much the same thing. 

Rin stretched, regretting it as soon as the movement irritated his wounds and he felt a sharp pain tear through him, ripping a coughing fit out of him.  
Climbing down from the tree once he was able to, he looked up to the sky, still ignoring his lingering pain, and realized it was after midday already. He had missed classes for not only the normal school, but wouldn't even make it in time to be there for the last ten minutes of cram school classes. Well, Yukio wouldn't like that. At all. He turned, deciding that yeah, maybe he wasn't in the mood for getting scolded - he never was, who would be - but the sooner it was over the better. He didn't have the strange urge to stay away anymore as well, still wondering why he had had it the day before in the first place. Well, he shrugged, sometimes you just had wired urges like that. Wired days. Thinking about wired, he had to wonder. Why had he still not healed?

 

"Nii-san, you're back already?" Yukio greeted him when he reached the dorm, not angry in the slightest. "I thought you would be gone until Friday at least."  
"Why would I be gone until then?" Rin didn't understand what his younger brother was talking about.  
"Well, Mephisto excused you for normal and cramschool classes until then, saying there was something you had to do....?" Yukio became a little suspicious.  
"Uh.." Rins eyes fell to the window of their room, spotting a small green hamster there. He knew by instinct who it was, had known since he had seen it with Mephisto, and realised the 'pet' was nodding. "I didn't think he told you that much." His lie was smooth, and on instinct, not wondering whether it was even all right to just go along with something Amaimon was part of. "Yeah, I only have a short break now. To eat and stuff. Could be I'll be here at night, could be I won't..."  
"Nii-san, what do you have to do?" Yukio didn't seem to not believe him, but his interest and worry for the other - or rather, for what Rin could do wrong again, he was sure - was piqued.  
"Can't tell you."  
"Why not?"  
"He told me not to." He was slightly irritated, which would only have shown in his tail if it had not been underneath his shirt, because it would have curled and wiggled. "Why, it doesn't have anything to do with you, anyways. And if I do something wrong, then this time it'll be solely my thing to cope with, so don't worry." Where was this irritation coming from? Why did Yukio only worry about him doing something 'wrong' or 'stupid' again?  
"Nii-san. I don't think it really will not be connected with me if you do something."  
"Well it won't. Sorry, my time is up already. I have to leave again." He turned around, leaving their room, not feeling like eating anything and left to walk around again even though his thoughts screamed at him not to do that because his whole body hurt a little more with every step he took.  
Yukio was left behind in their room, wondering what had just happened and just what Mephisto wanted with his brother. He had some work, though, so he couldn't think about it too much anyways. 

Rin had reached the principals office fairly quickly, knocking twice, entering after he was allowed to.  
"Ah, Okumura-kun. How can I help you?" The demon leaned back in his chair, ever present smile not missing.  
"What did you tell my brother, and why is Amaimon-"  
"Ah, of course. Well, you are excused from school until Friday, Sunday not being any as well because of a safety inspection that happens every year."  
"Why? What do you want me to do?"  
"Oh, I don't want or need you to do anything." His grin faded, eyes shadowed by his hat. "It just seemed like you were occupied. And needed time. Still do."  
"Wha-"  
"Okumura-kun, how are your wounds?"  
"They're fine, I-"  
"Is that so? Well, excuse me. I thought that strained voice of yours, the forced upright stance you have, the fact you are, in actuality, swaying slightly - I just interpreted that all to be because of the pain caused by wounds that just won't heal because you don't want them to."  
"I want them to heal-!" He shut his mouth. He'd exposed himself.  
"Are you sure?" The amused smile he had was only there for a second before becoming serious again. "You do remember what I told you before you went on that mission. You don't even have to realise it yourself. You just have to want it unconsciously. It doesn't matter. Right now, you either don't want the wounds to heal because of some sort of self-punishment, you don't feel like living because you're a little depressed right now, or.... maybe you even want to die."  
"I don't-"  
"Take it as you will." The director got up, walking towards Rin, stopping beside him shortly. "You walk a dangerous path, self inflicted, and you don't even realise it. You really are no demon. Demons don't make stupid decisions like that because of others, because of humans especially. Now, excuse me. I have business to attend to." With that he left the office.  
Rin just stood there a few more seconds, leaving quickly after, eyes shadowed and fistd balled, wondering just what the demon meant when he had said that, what kind of stupid decision he was making and just why his wounds wouldn't heal - because there was no way the reason was his psyche. He was fine. Had a bad day, maybe two, but otherwise he was fine.

 

Bon, Koneko and Shima had been able to watch Rin walk out of the principals office, had seen his irritated posture.  
"What do ya think he has to do?" Shima asked. They'd all been in the class room for their cram school when Mephisto had appeared, telling them Rin was excused because of business he had to take care of he 'ordered' him to do.  
"I dunno. He looked somewhat irritated though." Koneko scratched his head. "So, do ya think it's somethin' dangerous?"  
"Nothing that demon calls a 'job' is harmless." Bon shrugged. "We're talking about Okumura though. Nothin's gonna happen."  
"...yeah. probably."  
The three stood for a few more seconds, staring to where Okumura had left the building through a window, and then resumed on their walk towards an area they could practice at a little.


	6. Falling further

Rin was walking along a very, very long corridor. He didn't know the school had such a long corridor, but really, he shouldn't be surprised at all anymore, especially given the leader of the school was Mephisto.  
So he continued walking, passing by a door he heard laughter from, though not thinking anything much of it he passed it. It wasn't his destination. His destination was - ...where was he supposed to go again?  
He heard his own name spoken, from behind the half closed door the laughter had come out earlier, and he recognised the voice. It was izumo. Well, maybe he could sit and talk with her a bit - he didn't have too much to do with her, but she seemed to be an actually nice girl, bossy side ignored.  
When he looked inside the room, carefully and without opening the door completely as to not get noticed, though he didn't know why he was so cautious, he was able to spot all of the other Esquires.  
They were laughing, having a good time, being happy, talking about recent stuff.  
He was happy they were happy, wanted to join them, until he heard his name again. Together in the same sentence as the word 'death'.  
He wasn't dead though.  
The others kept talking about it, about how it was good, about how they were finally freed of Satan's spawn, of how the annoying half demon was finally not there to mess things up anymore, of how they were so happy without him, and then the conversation about that topic was over as fast as it started and everyone was laughing even more now.  
He had entered the room, realising nobody was able to see him, to hear him, to feel him - his fingers glided through the razor he had wanted to pick up to try and show them he was there because maybe some demon made him invisible.  
He was crying out their names, trying to be noticed, but then the ground underneath his feet literally opened and swallowed him, so now he was falling, falling some more, and then there was the face of that ghost-woman he had defeated. And she was asking him if he understood now, how ungrateful humans were and how he would be better off in the demons realm, and then there was Yukios face, and it looked so at peace and happy when his mouth moved and the words 'finally no burden anymore, finally my father's murderer is gone' and some other stuff Rin wasn't able to listen to anymore was coming out. He couldn't do this anymore.  
Tears were running down his face. Well, he thought with a watery smile, they were happy at least. Alive and happy. He'd be - have to be - content with that. Seems like he really wasn't worth anything after all.  
There was a sword right in front of him when he landed, falling hard on an already blood stained ground, and he really didn't have anything holding him back when he grabbed the weapon and intended to make use of it, already having the blade against his throat and then slicing - 

Rin shot up, eyes slightly teary and shaking.  
He looked around.  
A tree. He was in a tree again, a fairly high one so he was glad he hadn't fallen out, and it was the middle of the night. And it was raining. He noticed he was completely soaked already, but he didn't care. Didn't care that blood was showing through his wet clothes or that he was going g to get sick. He already was sick, if the always reappearing coughing was any indication, and the pain in his chest he knew didn't come from any of the many from the outside inflicted wounds he had.  
He needed to get up and dry, change the Band-Aids, but he really didn't want to. So he just continued to sit there.  
Glad it had only been a dream.  
Afraid non the less.  
Wondering, doubting. Feeling pathetic. Deciding to just forget about it.


	7. Chapter 7

He was tip-toeing, sneaking inside the dorm he shared with his younger brother, remembering the other mentioning something about work and hoping that was today and not sometime else or got cancelled. He couldn't be seen like this, wet, still soaking even though it had stopped raining ten minutes ago - well, okay, no one would expect him to be dry by then, but still. Soaking in 'reddish' rain. He really had been bleeding again. His clothes all had a red taint to them, as well as his skin, and the water dripping from him to the floor, and-

"Nii-san?"  
Damn it.  
"Hey, Yukio! What's up?" He grinned, forced but did, waving.  
"That's something I should ask you, Nii-san. Why do you look like that?"  
"Hah? Oh, this..." He grinned still, scratching his head. "Mission... Had complications?"  
"'Complications'?"  
"Yeah. What about you? Didn't you have work?" He wanted to continue on, out of the entrance way of the dorm, up to the bathroom. He was blocked, though.  
"I did. An other exorcist took it over because we have work - that is, the Esquires, me and Shura have work. You still have to do Mephistos job, after all, but..."  
"Yeah, I have to." He didn't feel like going on a job with the others. Not with that dream still fresh in his mind. Even if he was childish. Not with his body hurting again - no, still \- as much as it did. Also, he supposed, he couldn't just tell people something different than Mephisto did. He felt like that would only cause more trouble. "Well, you'll be able to do it anyways. Without me, maybe you won't even destroy anything." He laughed, hollower than he had intended, wondering just why he had said that last bit.  
"... Nii-san, Mephhisto mentioned something about you possibly being injured, and seeing your clothes now - are you? And-"  
"Hey Yukio? The hell are ya at? We still gotta finish planning!" Shura stepped out of the dining room. "What, wanna tell me the sound ya supposedly heard was a demon or somethin'? Oi~... Rin?" She stopped, lookong the other up and down. "The hell do ya look like? Some enemy got ya good?"  
"Uh..." Rin sweatdropped, scratching his head. "Yeah. So, I'd like to go take a shower and get changed, and then... I've got to go again. Job not done yet."  
"Mephisto workin' ya hard. Need help? I'm sure they cand handle the next job without me."  
"No, I'll be fine. I can do some things alone - remember, even if I do get hurt, I'll heal just as quickly." He heard muffled voices. His body was pulsating with pain, and he wanted to leave. "So, like I said, I'm just going to get clean and leave again. Good luck on your side." With that he was gone, quick steps surprising the other two and making them unable to stop him from going upstairs and to the bathroom. 

"Was it Rin?" Shiemi asked immediately. "You sounded worried...."  
"Yeah, even Shura did.." Koneko added.  
"It was." Yukio rightened his glasses, sighing. "It seems like his mission had complications. A demon probably got him. He's just getting clean and then leaving again."  
"The guy does have super-healing. Would be strange if I'd ever see him seriously injured. So, complications or not, doesn't really matter with him, right?" Shima shrugged.  
"...He did look troubled." Koneko rememberd. "When we saw him going out of Mephistos room."  
"Probably was nothing. Or maybe he knew it wouldn't be all that easy. Well, he'll say something if it gets too bad." Bon shrugged, somewhat disinterested.  
"I wouldn't say so." Shura sighed. "I think he was injured, and not healed yet. I don't think so. Or at least he was still in pain. Saw it in his step. Also. Yukio." She looked over to him. "Don't tell me ya didn't feel sick. We know he was wet from rain... The water drippin' off of him was as red as blood though. Ya look outside and onto the ground of the hallway an' ya see it." She leaned back. "Looked like he bled a river."  
"What?!" Shiemi sprung up and ran to the hallway. "... it's true..."  
"Hm?" The otheres interest was now piqued as well. They gathered in the hallway, all looking down onto the ground, seing a red puddle where Rin had stood by the door and talked to Yukio for a while and eyes following the drops of red down the floor and up the stairs, the direction of the twins' room and the bathroom.  
"I... I need to heal him. Even if it looks more because of the rain and water, he must have bleed long and much for it to look like this..!" She was already up the stairs and halfway at the bathroom when she finished.  
"This can't be good, at least, even if we don't know how bad it is.." Shima mumbled, everyone having followed her. They all had that same, uneasy feeling in their guts, telling them to not ignore this. The happenings lately were too strange, too... They couldn't put their finger on it, but something that was not good was happening, and they wondered whether there was a time limit for them to react.  
"Rin? Rin!" Shiemi was hammering at the door leading to the bathroom. "I'm coming in!" She entered, ignoring the 'wait's' from behind her and the sentences of 'we'll take a look, we're guys too'. She was too worried he was bleeding out. "Rin?... Ah!"  
"What, what is it?" The others were inside and beside her as well, looking around.  
"Shiemi, why did you-" though before he could end his sentence Yukio spotted what shocked her. "...he's gone. Out the bathroom window."  
"Damn that - what's the meaning o' this? Did he run?" Shura was annoyed, worried, hiding it with anger.  
"That idiot...!" Bon balled his hands into fists. "So maybe it was bad, but he-"  
"Ran to hide it?" Koneko finished, now worried as well.  
"...should we search?"  
"Where?"  
"...."  
They couldn't do anything. It had begun to rain again, so even if he was still dropping a trail of blood, they wouldn't find it. It'd be washed away almost immediately. They had a job, and they needed to do it, and Rin would not die so they would talk to him the next time they met him.  
Yukio went outside the bath again first, looking down, deciding he needed to clean the flood. Strangely enough, everyone had the same idea. 

 

Rin cursed inwardly. They'd all been there, he hadn't noticed soon enough - well, the rain had washed away their smell outside, his nose was too filled with the smell of his own blood to notice them inside, his ears - ... What was he making excuses for? He'd been careless, unalert. Well, non of them had seen him.  
He had to think of Yukios face when he had spotted him. Somehow it had been.. pale? Shuras as well. Or maybe he was just imagining things. Maybe he was sick, not only from something he didn't know, but maybe he had a cold or something he didn't notice that was blocking and weakening his sences.  
He'd have to be more careful. He was a good climber. Maybe he could use a window as an entrance from now on, if something like this happened again.  
He was walking aimlessly once more. He wished he'd have something to do, instead of being left to his thoughts. He had wanted to rest on his bed for a change, not just a hard branch, but he'd fled the dorm as fast as possible after just grabbing some fresh clothes and bandages, he hadn't even gotten changed yet. He could wash up in a river maybe. He'd see.  
For now he'd have to think of an excuse. Like, he had been called out urgently by Mephisto to continue and so he just decided for the short route - out the window. Yeah, that could work. 

He wondered where he should go to stay the night. Mephisto? Was just using him. The church, his old home? If Yukio found out it'd be trouble, also, ...was he really welcome there? Shiemis house? The same. Back to the dorm? Everyone was there, and they-  
...what had he wanted to think there?  
He needed to stop that thought, no matter what it could have been.  
He felt it would have been no good.  
His shoulders sagged a little when realisation hit him. He didn't have anywhere to go. There was no place he could stay, no one he could trust.  
Rin didn't even realize his last thought as he continued on, keeping on just wandering aimlessly. He'd have to leave campus, at least, not be seen by anyone who could tell anybody he'd been there and not on some kind of mission.  
He'd see how it'd go as he went.


	8. No longer able to hide

The he happenings were still quiet vividly in the others minds when they returned from their mission. The Esquires, Yukio and Shura had been unable to shake off the foreboding feeling of something very bad happening without them realizing soon enough, and all of them, silently, decided to go visit Rin, ask him about what was happening and if something was wrong. Bon was probably the most annoyed by this, concidering he was always the one telling the spawn of Satan to open up and talk about problems, so by now, really, he just felt ignored. It seemed like he'd have to hit the guy and, if necessary, teach him how to call for help forcefully. Going over that thought again Bon shook his head. That had sounded way too violent and not like he wanted to help at all. So, realizing all his thoughts were taking a rather brutal direction, he just decided to wait and see what was going on.  
The other Esquires realized Bon was almost steaming with anger, so much they almost wanted to tell him to stay away and leave it to them, until the other two members of the Kyoto trio told them that the guy was not used to feel and show worry at all and was too proud to do so, so this was probably just a defensive reaction of some sort.  
They all sat together - minus Yukio who had, as soon as they reached the dorm the two brothers were living in, separated from them in search of his brother - and tried to figure out just how they should go about talking to Rin. They didn't even really know what was going on. He was hurt - if it still hadn't healed, but they'd been gone for over a week so that couldn't be the case, right? They also remembered the praises they had gotten for rescuing those children while Rin had been ignored, they needed to apologize and thank him for that, and, the thing that made them wonder the most, Mephistos words. Everything he'd said about Rin lately. 

"He's not in here." Yukio was standing in the doorway of the dining room. "Nii-san isn't here. It's a Friday and past school time - even prep school, if he should have gone to that - so we have to go ask Mephisto."  
"Think he got some more missions?" Shura asked, already by his side, following him out the dorm and towards their new destination.  
"Well, he was the only one of us here and he had been given missions from Mephisto before so.."  
"But that also means his injuries must've healed right?" Shiemi asked, a little relief in her voice and features, which came back immediately after Izumo finished her sentence.  
"I don't think that demon cares about stuff like that. I think he'd send him out no matter how bad his condition would be." The purple haired girl huffed.  
"Well, one way to figure it out." Shima sighed. 

The Esquires were waiting for Shura and Yukio to come back out of the principals office. They'd been doing that for around half an hour now, wondering just what had they needed to discuss that long. 

"Follow us." Was the first thing Shura said after emerging from the room. "There were a few low class demons tha' managed to sneak their way in an' Rin set out to get rid of 'em. He should've been back already, though, so Mephisto deducted there's gotta be a stronger one there too. Or a trap. Or maybe they're just hard ta get. Or..."  
"Or what?" The others asked impatiently.  
"He said maybe he finally couldn't take it anymore and either became our enemy or fell over dead." Yukio finished.  
"What?!"  
"It's what took so long. We tried ta get somethin' outa that demon, but all he said was that we'd have ta go find out ourselves. Damn it. The guy knows somethin fa sure."  
"But then we have to hurry.." Shiemi was more worried than before now.  
"What do you think we're doing?!" An already out of breath Shima asked her. "Isn't running like this hurrying?"  
"Man, you really gotta wok on your stamina." Bon growled, almost making Shima jump until he realised that anger wasn't directed at him. Probably not even at Rin. 

 

Rin sighed. He'd finally gotten rid of all the low class demons, but no, there had to be a middle class one here too. He just wanted to get to bed and sleep. The time Yukio and the others had been gone had been bliss. Dozing off - except he'd had to go to school again, but he'd been able to sleep in his bed and get changed without having to worry.  
His injuries had heald - somewhat at least. They didn't bleed anymore and if he didn't overdo it they wouldn't open up, he didn't have any pain from that holy water anymore, though his skin was still burned at some places and red at all the others - but in exchange his coughs and pains got worse. He wondered what that was, concidering he hadn't known demons even could get sick, but he didn't really care either. It'd work out somehow and if not... Well, then it wouldn't. 

"Heh. Lost hope?"  
"Hah?" Rins focus shifted back onto his enemy.  
"Yep, definitely lost hope. Dull eyes, fake smile, hidden pain -both meanings, too- finally got how humans are?"  
"I don't feel like listening to you."  
"I'll tell you!" It dodged an attack, landing a few feet back. "Selfish, afraid of everything that's even a little different, ignorant, they're scum!" It dodged an other one, then an other one and again an other one. "Getting desperate are we? Prince. Come on. Come home. Demons are different. You got so many brothers. They'll help you. Even Mephisto did more for you than that trash."  
"Shut up!"  
"I'm wrong?"  
"Kh... I said-" Rin jumped, sword burning blue, slicing the demon in half. "-shut up!" He watched the demon disappear, sighing, falling to his knees. "Damn it...!" He'd completely lost his cool.  
They didn't have to like him. To care for him. To protect him to include him to accept him the way he was to even look at him, all they had to do was to be able to express those emotions because they were dead if they couldn't and they weren't dead so it was okay because even if they despised him they were alive and that was all he needed - They'd been his first real friends.  
..real? Even though they hadn't known everything about him back then? Could he call them real?  
No, he had to stop.  
Being alone was great. No worries about getting figured out.  
Being alone wad torture. Too much time to think about negative things.  
So had he been alone all along, since the time his cover had been blown? He'd been thinking about bad things since then again and again, right?  
No, he shouldn't think that way. He should take a deep breath and calm himself - if he could, if he wouldn't have to cough so much right then, almost so much he had the feeling he was unable to get any air inside his lungs and felt like he was dying. Well, actually, it didn't feel too bad after all.  
No, again, that was a bad thought. Even worse than the others. What was wrong with him?  
He only thought like that because he had a phase. Yeah, he was just a little down right now. Really, that was all there was to that.  
"Damn it.... It was... Right, but..it's just a phase, it'll end soon..!" He balled his hands to fists, struggling but managing to get up. "I'll just forget it. Again." He mumbled.  
"What?"  
"Hah?" Rin swirled around, shocked at the voice. "A-ah, yo, Yukio! How'd the mission go?" He grinned. As much as he could at least.  
"What was right? That demon? What it said?" He fixated his older brother with his gaze.  
"Hah? What they say never is right. Humans aren't like that. I mean, maybe some." He laughed jokingly. Painfully. Hiding the latter, though. "It was only saying that to get me confused so I didn't even really listen."  
"Didn't seem like that ta me." Shura crossed her arms, glaring at him. "Not with how angry ya got. An' tell me, yer sick? A demon?"  
"It was annoying me." He pouted, panicking inwardly when he checked - yes, they were all here. "Huh? Hah, not sick. Just got a little dust in my throat or something." He didn't know whether he was able to completely hide the hurt at Shuras last comment. His body hurt, too.  
"Uhmm... Are you hurt? I can treat you, so..." Shiemi started, eyeing the other up and down unsure.  
"I'm fine!" He gave an okay sign and laughed. "They were just annoying and hard to get so it took a little longer, that's all." His lunges burned, and he needed to cough again - no, not yet.  
"What do you think about humans?" Bon was gritting his teeth.  
"Wha-"  
"What. Do you. Think. About humans." He repeated, still holding back.  
"Well, they're all different and unique, right? There's bad and good ones out there?" He did his best not to show how he felt right then. Bon had asked that question in a way it sounded Rin wasn't human. Well. He wasn't. He guessed. At least not in their eyes. He needed to get away, though. Soon. It burned.  
"You, listen and do it good,-" Bon started, having taken two big steps towards the half demon, when he was interrupted.  
"Oh my, what a show." A pink cloud of smoke, though no one was confused anymore. "Well, I have to say, it did take long enough. You didn't think you could hide your state for eternity, right?" Mephisto looked towards Rin. Innocently.  
"What state?" Yukio asked, a tone in his voice that wouldn't take no answer.  
"Nothing-" Rin started, but got interrupted as well. It burned so bad, he needed to leave, now -  
"Oh, you know, that his injuries aren't healing because of his mental condition, that he is hurting because of his mental condition, that you caused that mental condition, that his mental condition - ..." He paused. "Oh, wait. You weren't that far yet?" He asked, over dramatically. Still playing innocense.  
"You knew that-" Rin started, but becoming quiet again fast. Because he'd blown his cover, because he would not be able to hold back too much longer-  
"Oh no, I didn't." You could hear the lie - see it, even. "But you know, sooner or later -"  
"What mental condition?" Yukio didn't like what the demon had said.  
"Oh. Well. It's your fault you know? All of yours. But, well, I think I'll take my leave now." Grinning, hat shadowing his eyes, he disappeared in his pink cloud again. "Learn your lessons. Humans."

Rin really didn't know how to handle the situation. Should he run? Sounded alluring. Staying and talking sounded dispelling. Coughing his lungs out? Yeah, that definitely sounded like what he was doing right now. His vision was getting blurry, he felt his knees weaken, and he really wanted to run, but he seemed to have forgotten how fast his little brother was. Had he always been so fast? Standing beside him and holding him up now, calling his name and saying things he couldn't understand, a look Rin didn't recognise on his face. Well. Time to think about all of that after he'd had a little nap, right?  
Yeah. Not that he had a chance to fight against his own body, anyways.


	9. Not being able to hide it

The first thing he felt was softness. He was lying upon something soft - a mattress probably. He was pretty sure he was in a bed. There wasn't anything to cover him though, and it felt like his upper body was revealed. Was he naked? No, he could feel the fabric of his pants. His upper body was, though. Partly.  
The next thing he noticed were voices. He could tell one of them was Yukio, the other Shura, and there were some more but they were still too far in the distance for him to be able to one hundred percently categorise them. He was sure they were all his classmates though.  
So he was in a bed, naked upper body, teachers and classmates there, and what had happened before again? Right, he'd fought against a demon, middle class, after defeating a lot of low class ones, and then Mephisto had appeared and he'd been asked a lot of questions he wished he'd had been able to run away from but then there was coughing and pain and voices and then black. 

He slowly noticed one thing.  
He was half naked.  
In front of everyone. 

Rins eyes snapped open, he was sitting and out of the bed and on the other side of the room in a matter of a heartbeat.  
"Nii-san?!" Yukios head snapped towards him, as did all the others.  
"H-hey Yukio." He grinned, laughing pained. Feeling his upper body he sighed in relief when he noticed the bandages were still there, getting slightly panicked again when the thought of them having been changed already occured to him. "How long was I out?"  
"For only half an hour. Nii-san, pleas sit down again. There are no enemies, so suppress your instinct, even though you woke up in 'unknown territory'." Yukio grabbed some bandages. "You're only in the schools nursery and I was just about to take your bandages off, look at the injuries and change them." A pause, Yukios brows furrowed. "Why... is your whole upper body, arms included, up to your wrists, even bandaged? What kind of injuries do you have...?"  
"No that's fine I did that this morning." It was a lie, it had been yesterday, but it didn't matter. Not like they would know that, anyways. He moved fast, grabbed his shirt, starting to put it on again.  
"The hell are ya doin'?" Bon was glaring at him.  
"Getting dressed again and reporting to Mephisto."  
"Ya ain't doin' tha'. Sit down. Now." Shura had her hands on her hips, looking like she wouldn't listen to whatever excuses he had.  
"I don't have time." He lied again. "I have a mission later."  
"Well, I'll care about that. Shura can do it. Tell me what it's about and I'll talk to Mephisto." Yukio crossed his arms. "You're not in any condition to fight if you have injuries that don't heal as fast as usual, to need bandages like that, and then collapse while coughing."  
"I'm fine, that was just... Well.." he scratched his head, laughing awkwardly.  
"Why?" Shiemis voice echoed in the room. "Why don't your injuries heal?" Everyone was staring at him now. "Why are you sick? Are you sick? You are, right? It looked and sounded like it so.. "  
"Well, I'm half human, I guess, and maybe because of that?"  
"Y'are." Shura grunted. "There's no 'I guess' there."  
"Well, yeah. So because of that." He didn't know he could feel slight happiness but also so much distrust at the same moment just because of one sentence.  
"Ya don't look like ya believe it yerself." She glared at him. "Yer not losin' yer human-ess, are ya?" Was that worry? No, it couldn't be.  
"Nii-san, what happened? What is happening, maybe, would be the better question. Mephisto was talking about your psyche?" Yukio was holding Rins gaze, not letting him escape.  
"I don't know what that guy is talking about. Not like it's important anyways right?" The last part didn't sound like a question. Rin didn't know what to do or say. There were emotions in all of the others eyes he didn't know how to categorize.  
"Well, what do you think about us?" Shiemi asked.  
"Hah?"  
"What do ya think we're going ta do? Why not just tell us?" Koneko asked.  
"We'll only annoy ya till ya tell us anyways. Why not now?" Shima added. "Bon's getting irritated."  
"Hah?"  
"Well ain't those intelligent answers." Bon grunted out.  
"We want to know what's wrong so we can help - I could maybe give you some plants to help with injuries and sickness!" Shiemi explained.  
"Help me?" Rin was getting annoyed by that sentence only. He didn't know he could feel so much anger and distrust just because of one word.  
"Well ya. We're friends right?" Shima shrugged.  
"....huuuh?" The sound coming out of Rins mouth was annoyed, angry and disappointed all at once.  
"The hell is with ya?!" Bon yelled. "Just tell us! Didn't I hold enough speeches about this already? Wanna hear more?!"  
"What friends?" Empty.  
"Well, us...?" Shiemi was getting unsure and scared now, thoigh she couldn't tell why.  
"Dun forget yer family right here." Shura nodded towards Yukio.  
"What family?" Angry.  
"Nii-san?" Yukio was getting a bad feeling. He had to do or say something. Was it too late? Too late for what?  
"...shut up. I don't need you, I don't have to rely on you, I don't want to either. Humans are.... They all ..." He stopped, having realised he'd been getting to loud towards the end. "...I don't care. Neither should you." He had to cough. "Instead of doing only bad things, if you really want to help me just one bit, don't do anything. Just leave me. I don't want to do this anymore." With that he shoved the others aside, exiting the room. "I don't know what real friends and family are anyways. No need to learn now - no way to learn now. So I'll just leave it." With that he was gone. 

The others were silent, gaze lingering on the now closed door Rin had just disappeared behind.  
Shiemi knew what she'd been afraid of now. That she lost Rin. But why, what, who..?  
Yukio hoped it wasn't too late, though for what, why was his brother like this, what should he do?  
Did they get this right?  
Did they themselves cause Rin to turn away, be in the situation he was in now, whatever exactly that was?  
They all left after a short while, ways seperated, not saying anything to each other, confused and having to sort things out.


	10. Not being able to lie anymore - maybe forget?

Yukio was not able to leave Rin out of his eyes as soon as the older twin made it back to the dorm. He'd been gone for two days, missing school and cram school, having Mephisto make up an excuse. He wondered what the older demon was doing, why he was covering for his brother. He had not been able to get anything out of the director, though . He'd catched the principal glaring at the exorcist students, Shura and himself, grumbeling something about how human humans were, and even made up lies. He wondered if his older brother really had been on missions or if he had been excused by Mephisto the same way back then.  
He wondered if his brother did not trust him.  
Why he didn't say anything.  
But he also wondered what they had done. He wasn't aware of it completely, but, he concluded, it must have been small things adding up. He remembered having used his nii-san quiet often as a demonstration for what happened to demons when you did certain things to them, Shura apparently having done the same, and though he himself didn't see it as offending the older he could see how Rin would look at it. He and Shura thought it was a good thing to teach him through doing, because he never read any of his textbooks, but he knew they'd gone too far at least once.  
Tails were sensitive. He heard of the last thing Shura had done. The water must've hurt.  
Why had they done all that again? Were they stupid? Also the thing about everyone ignoring him when the class dis that mission successfully. Not only the latest, but in general. Even if it was because he was so recless and did not think before acting, causing him to be the fastest one of them, Rin had done most of the work most of the time, though he did destroy quiet a lot quiet often, Yukio saw where he was coming from. He destroyed objects to save lifes. It was annoying him to no end to deal with explaining the damage to those above him, though, which is why he got angry at his brother for having him go through it again and again. What if they didn't want the 'he saved a live' excuse anymore and he couldn't protect Rin from some sort of harsh judgement or punishment anymore? What'd he do then? Losing his Nii-san, that's what it came down to then, and he didn't want that. Every time, he was even more angry at those higher ups than at Rin, though, for always trying to get him.

He was brought out of his thought by an annoyed Rin trying to finish the homework he'd missed the las two days and a pen falling to the ground. The older twin hadn't said a word to him since he'd gotten back. And, honestly, Yukio had not tried his best at talking with him yet, scared, unsure, but knowing he was being an idiot and not helping the situation by avoiding it. It was time he took action. 

"Nii-san."  
"..." He was scanning some pages.  
"Nii-san, listen."  
"..." Trying to finish his math homework.  
"We need to talk."  
".." wanting to get it over with so he could enjoy some free time without getting yelled at.  
"Please."  
"..." Wanting to try and be the guy everyone wanted him to be, wanting to try and live up to their expectations.  
"Nii-san!" He grabbed the pen the older was holding, taking it and the books lying on his desk away.  
"Hey! I was doing my homework!"  
"You were using it as an excuse to ignore me, you'd never do it otherwise!"  
"Well, I'm trying to be the way you - everyone, wants me to so-!" He stopped himself. "I mean, ..." He didn't know how to save the situation. He couldn't take that back.  
"The way I want you to be..?" Yukio was confused. "Nii-san? That never matterd to you before."  
"Well..." He sighed. "Forget it. Sorry."  
"What?" He grabbed the older when he tried to leave. He noticed the other shaking under his hard grip, lightening it. "Tell me." His teacher mode was on. He wouldn't allow no answers. "what's going on?"  
"Nothing, I'm fine. Nothing. Also ..." He shook off the others gripp completely, wounds not having healed any more in the slightest - he wondered. It had healed at a normal, human rate during the week the others had been gone. Now, they did not even seem to do that. Well, not that that mattered. He coughed lightly, surpressing it immediately, though. "We're... Not at school right now." Even he himself heard the hurt in his voice. "you're more than just my teacher and.... Before I tell you anything, why don't you tell me some things? You'd never do that though. So..." He sighed again. Right. Yukio was more to him, but that did not mean he was more to Yukio than just a student as well. He missed his family, now. "Well. I'm a demon after all. I guess this is how it has to be." Not being allowed to keep even one secret, whatever that may have been, because he could be planning something evil. Not being trusted with anything because he wasn't trustworthy, but sly.  
"Nii-san, wait-" but he was out the window already. "..." Yukio was just standing there, looking after him, slowly piecing the puzzle together. 

 

"There he is!" Shiemi exclaimed. "He's back!"  
"It's true." Shima confirmed, the others turning to look the directon the two of them were looking in.  
The students had decided to all learn together for a test that'd come the next Monday and for which they didn't fully understand the possible themes. They'd decided to go to the park, because it was nice and quiet and a good place to meet because there was a big wooden table and benches on each side so they'd all fit there.  
Non of them had thought of Rin going there, too, of seeing him again, and all of them were unsure. They'd been since two days ago, having worried over the guy when he'd just disappeared and had planned to talk to him and demand answers as soon as he was back, but now they weren't so sure of how to go about it anymore.  
Not only didn't they know how to approach him, but also, as he came closer into viewing field - though Rin still hadn't noticed them, it seemed - when they saw the expression on his face they were all shocked.  
He looked miserable, the always smiling half demon wearing a solemn, lonely and sad 'smile' it seemed, just because the expression didn't fit him at all.  
It wasn't a mask though. It was his real face, those probably were his real emotions, and he'd had to be hurt, emotionally, to look like this. Not just a little either. 

"... Damn it I can't...!" Bon stood up abruptly, storming towards the still unaware teen.  
"Wait, Bon!" Koneko and Shima, followed by the others, were hot on his heels.  
"Think about how you do this-!" Shima started, but didn't get far.  
"Oi Okumura! Okumura!" He shouted, shocking the teen whose face changed to panicked. "The hell" he grabbed him by his collar. "is going on?!"  
"Huh? I was on a mission." It hurt, but he held it in.  
"Not that, and I bet ya weren't!"  
"Well, what do you want?"  
"What's that damn face ya just made till I came?!"  
"My normal face-"  
"My ass!"  
"Calm down, Bon!" Koneko and Shima tried, without success, to get him to let go of Rin.  
"Rin, tell us? What's wrong, we don't get it.." Shiemi looked at him, helplessly.  
"Nothing, I'm fine." He answerd, having to cough a bit - because of the strong and pulling gripp on his collar.  
"Stop, you're hurting him I think.." Shiemi looked at Bon.  
"It's fine, this is how it should be I guess..." He was a demon. Humans weren't nice to them. Maybe if he changed he wouldn't be hurt though. Then he stopped his thoughts. Was he really thinking these things? ...was it even worth trying to find an excuse for them or trying to deny them?  
"Hah?! What did ya say?!" Bon let him go, carefully, glaring. "Tell us. Now."  
".. I need to be somewhere." He lied, coughing again slightly. "See you at school tomorrow." Using his demonic speed, he was gone faster than they could react. 

Rin settled against a tree. Sighing he shook his head. No. Everyone knew now, everyone was suspicious now, nothing would work anymore. He couldn't lie to himself any longer. He'd have to face his feelings and those of the ones around him, but would that really change anything? He got the feeling it wouldn't.  
So. There was one other choice.  
He stood up, grinned as brightly as he hadn't in months and stretched, ignoring the pain.  
He'd just forget and be normal again.


	11. Breakdown

"Morning guys!" Rin grinned, greeting the others when he stepped inside the classroom for cram school. "Sorry I'm late, I forgot something." He scratched his head sheepishly.  
"Nii-san?" Yukio, along with the rest of the class, was staring at him, confusion evident on his face. "What happened?"  
"Huh?"  
"Don't 'huh' us! The hell is wrong with you?!" Bon got up, stepping in front of the teen. "We were waiting, hoping you'd show up and we'd be able to question you, and you?!"  
"Nothing..?" He grinned, feeling small before the enraged teen.  
"We know that something is wrong, definitely, so what the hell are ya commin in here, acting as if nothin happened-"  
"Bon, calm down...!" Koneko tried, but failed to calm the other.  
"Nii-san. We want an explanation."  
"I said I'm sorry, I just forgot something -"  
"Not that."  
"Well then what?"  
"Yer problems, what's been happening lately!" Bon was slowly getting more and more enraged.  
"... It's school time right now right? Shouldn't we start class?" He was looking at the ground, eyes shadowed."  
"Since when do ya care?!" Bon screamed.  
"We, as a class, need to be able to work with each other on missions, and to do that we need to know what is wrong if something as big as what is happening with you happens. So, yes, we can excuse this with it being a school related matter."  
"Nothing big is happening though." His voice was thick and he swallowed, trying to keep his emotions in check.  
"I don't believe that."  
"Well..." 'you never do' was sitting at the top of his tounge, but he bit it back. "Then don't."  
"We can't leave it at that. I need to believe it if you want us to move on from the subject."  
"Gah you're annoying, just start with the lesson already!"  
"Show us your upper body."  
"Hah?"  
"If I'm right there should still be some wounds that are very old - well, very old for a demon like you - and that are not healed. Why?"  
"There isn't-" Demon. He said it. Not even with the 'half-' part.  
"Then take off your top and let us see some healed skin!" Bon commanded, having watched the brothers discussion quietly for long enough.  
"Why-"  
"Because we want to know if you're really all right!" Shiemi spoke up, now standing in front of the half demon as well. "Please Rin.."  
"It doesn't matter, I don't want you to try and stick your nose in my business!" Rin glared at them, blue flames dancing around him even without his sword unsheathed. He should have known he wouldn't be able to just move on and act as if nothing had happened, but he was also of the opinion - until moments ago - that they simply wouldn't care. He was, like Yukio said, only a demon. Nothing more. "I'm a demon, I can look after myself, and if I don't want to heal I won't heal so leave me!"  
"You don't want to?" Shiemi was staring at him in shock.  
"I-" he'd said these things faster than his mind was able to register it. "... It doesn't matter. Don't go treating me like a demon and then come back and act like you care just because maybe you could get into trouble if I change sides. Don't worry. I'm not going to go over to the demons side. I'll stay and maybe ... I don't know. Maybe I'll just end it or something like that. It doesn't have anything to do with you! Also-"  
"Nii-san!" Yukio was in front of him, his fist connecting with his older brothers gut, interrupting the frantic rant.  
"... What the hell Yukio?!" Rin felt pain shoot through his body, coughing hard, and damn it he'd tried so hard to ignor his aching body, and he hoped his wound had not opened - though, well. That would be fine, too, he supposed.  
"We. We're going to have a talk." He glared. "Only the two of us, as brothers, and then you'll explain things to the others as well."  
"There's no reason to. What brother? Since when?"  
"Of course there is, and since always. What's this about it not concerning us, or us acting like we care just because we're afraid of some punishment if things go bad, or..." His face clearly showed his anger. "What was that about ending it?!" He completely lost his cool now as well.  
"... You don't know how it is." Last coughs ending, he straightened as much as he could with his body still shuddering.  
"Everyone got a bad time, the hell is with ya an ' actin' like yer the only one, with not talkin bout it-!" Bon was more annoyed than he'd ever been before.  
"Well, then you go and be a half demon." Rins eyes were shadowed, his hands balled to fists. He'd had enough. "You can go and be rejected by demons -okay- and by your own family and people you thought of as friends. Not being told anything, not having the right to do anything without explaining yourself, always being looked at like you're a monster, standing there and being ignored even though you did something right and just being punished for bad things -" he stopped, taking a deep breath. "You. I decided I'm good as long as..." He stopped again. "Just shut up and stay out of my life when you already decided to do so before."  
"Nii-san-?!" Yukio tried to grab him, but his hand only reached air.  
"Okumura-kun...?!" Koneko was as shocked as the others were.  
"Those... Were those his true...?" 

Rin was running as fast as he was able to. He'd been an idiot to think he'd be able to go on as if nothing had happened. He'd wanted to try though. Humen were stupid.  
Well. He was smarter now.  
He wondered how things would play out now. Would they be okay with his assurance that he wouldn't change sides and leave him alone?  
He felt a stab at that thought but ignored it. He didn't want to think about it. 

"I just... Want to leave..." It seemed like the best idea to him. "Just.. end this.."  
"Well, I may be able to help you leave. If that doesn't satisfie you, maybe then you can end it, but...."  
"Mephisto?!" Rin turned around startled. "What? Leave?"  
"Not to the demon world of course. But there is a mission führer away, and if you decide not to pay too much attention you might get killed, so it is quiet dangerous, but..."  
"Tell me."  
"Well then." Mephisto grinned. This was going good so far.


	12. Desperation

This wasn't going good so far. They were all searching, everywhere possible. Still, no trace of the half demon. The Esquires were desperate do find him though.  
They hadn't noticed. As cruel as it may sound. They really hadn't. They'd let themselves be blinded by Okumura Rins smile, his reassurances that he was fine, and his mask.  
The last one had to be the biggest one.  
With as many things going on as he had, how hadn't it started cracking long ago already? How had he been able to act as if he was okay so soon after his human parents death, with his younger brother acting towards him the way he apparently had? They hadn't noticed any of that, either, or maybe they would have said something, but now...  
Was it too late? 

Yukio was thinking similar things. He had been right there the whole time, sharing a room even, but he still had been completely blind. He had to fight the tears of frustration, guilt and worry as he was running from place to place, hoping to spot his older brother. He should have been there for him more. Should have listened more and should have noticed what he'd been doing to him. Even if it had been subconsciously. Things that hadn't appeared like they'd hurt to him but certainly did hurt his brother and he could see why now that he thought about it better, now that he was finally looking at him correctly.  
But was there still a chance? Could he still save the bond he had with the older, reckless teen?  
It was what he was most afraid of. Not being forgiven. Or worse - Rin doing something very stupid, something he'd surely regret and non of them would be able to forgive themselves for bringing him that far losing him-  
No, he wouldn't think about that. His brother wasn't that weak. He was stronger than that - or was he really?  
Yukio didn't know anymore. Seing the older break down like that, realising what was destroying him from the inside - Yukio wasn't sure what to expect.  
He could just pray for the best.  
Even if it was only that his brother was alive, even if he didn't forgive him. 

 

"I see your search has been quite fruitless." Mephisto appeared, again, out of a cloud of pink smoke. "Well. How about giving up? You won't find him."  
"No." Was the short but clear answer from everyone present. They'd all gathered inside the dorm the two brothers were living in, discussing their next steps.  
"Well. I'm sorry to tell you, though, you have a mission. An assignment that can not be ignored or be done by anyone else."  
"Ya can't see how bad the situation is can ya." Shura glared at him. She was feeling as guilty and worried as everyone else - she'd done some 'demonstrations' on the Okumura twin as well, she hadn't noticed as well, and she shouldn't be thinking like this right now. First finding him. Then apologising. "We ain't gunna go. We dun have the nerve ta deal with ya right now."  
"Oh, really." Mephisto grinned, hiding the upper half of his face underneath his hat. "That's too bad. And here I thought there was something very important all of you wish to do right now." He turned, letting his back face them. "Well, I suppose he wasn't that important after all."  
"Wait." Yukio stopped the man when he started disappearing. "What do you mean? Has it to do with Nii-san?"  
"Well, I wonder~" He grinned. Then his face became an earnest, somewhat angry mask. "There are chances to be wasted though. I will not excuse wasting the last of them." As soon as it had been there, the mask was replaced with his usual expression again. "So, here is everything you have to know about the mission - almost everything that is. Have fun~" and with that he was gone, disappearing inside his pink cloud of smoke again. 

They all immediately gathered around the papers the demon had dropped on top of the table, reading through them.  
"Rin isn't mentioned..." Shiemi stated, disappointed.  
"He said almost everything." Izumo looked over. "Maybe that point isn't."  
"He wouldn't have said all that if it was unrelated ... Right?" Koneko asked.  
"Well, ya never know with that guy, but he had been helping Okumura." A frown was apparent on Shuras face. "But this mission..."  
"It's far too dangerous for one person alone. Even with all of us it won't be easy. What was he thinking, sending Nii-san to a mission like this - with a demon like this as well?" Yukio was barely suppressing anger and worry.  
"Ya mean.."  
"Yes. Nii-san will probably already be our enemy when we arrive, and if he really is there, if everything is as bad as we believe it is."  
"What?!" Bon didn't believe that. "He said he wouldn't-!"  
"This is a wicked demon. It'll feed of the bad feelings inside of you, grow stronger because of them, and either posses you or use you like a marionette. The worse the depression the worse the control."  
"So-"  
"Yes. We have to prepare ourselves." To get Nii-san back.  
"Okay." Everyone had hear the unspoken words. They'd get him back, if he had been taken over, and apologise, and they'd fight for making him a friend - brother - again.  
They'd learned their lesson.  
They just really hoped it wasn't too late.


	13. Out of the darkness

It was dark. He didn't know where he was anymore, didn't know how he got here anymore, only knew that he wanted it to end already.  
He wondered what he'd done to deserve all of this.  
Was he really that bad of a being? Being a half demon and all that, did he really not deserve one peaceful period in his life?  
Probably not. He was a monster. The voice talking to him was right. He didn't know where it came from as well, but it was telling him all the right things. How he was alone, how no one linked and everyone hated him, how he'd never be one of them. It was telling him to just let go, so he did. He didn't have the strength to do anything else anymore. 

Yukio was observing their surroundings like a hawk. He was sure, if the missions description was completely correct, that the demon had to be close by. So had to be Nii-san. He wouldn't keep quiet this time if Mephisto gave them false information and hope.  
The others were close to their two teachers, always on guard, already sorting out words they could say to the half demon when they met him. They hoped he hadn't been taken over. They prayed. They didn't want to fight him on top of what they'd already done. Of course, if they killed the demon controlling him first Rin would be freed, but chances were, as Shura had informed them, that he'd be used as a shield. So they had to deal with him first, whether it was getting him back or distracting him so someone else could get to the demon and kill it. Not injuring him. Never again. They'd done enough bad already.  
They didn't want to think about what would happen if Rin didn't come back.  
So they decided they wouldn't think about the possibility of him having been taken over at all.  
Everyone had a bad feeling though. 

 

He heard even more voices now. Male and female ones. Strange, he thought, he couldn't even tell if the first one had been male or female. He wondered why but didn't really care. He was moving, but he didn't bother opening his eyes. He liked the dark. The first voice was telling him that it was okay and he could keep being for himself, keep letting it go.  
The other voices were telling him the opposite. They were telling him to look at them, screaming apologies, and asking him to please, don't let us have to fight and please, we were idiots, you don't have to trust us again but come back - what were they talking about? He tried to think, but there was that first voice again, as if blocking his thoughts, telling him he shouldn't listen to liers and bad people such as those.  
He felt it was right.  
He felr it was wrong.  
He really couldn't tell anymore. 

 

"Rin please!" Shiemi was screaming, tears running down her face. "Listen to us! Just for a few seconds...!"  
"Careful!" Bon threw her and himself backwards, dodging an attack from the half demon. Blue flames illuminated the now burnt down part of the forest and Bon was getting angry. "C'me on ya dipshit! Ya never let yerself be dragged down by anyone before, why now?! Just shit on us!!"  
"Bon..." Koneko was shaking. As was Shima, he noted. "If he's not listening and the demon is hiding behind a wall out of his flames.."  
"Damn it!" Shura cursed. "We gotta restrain his actions! Keep him down!"  
"He's too fast!" Yukio argued, watching his brother with worry. "But... If he moves anymore or we fight him too seriously-" he didn't have to say it.

Blood was flowing down Rins form. Wounds must have opened again, and the sheer amount of it worried all of them. They had known he was injured. Only now did they get an idea of how badly. The demon wasn't stopping though, uncaring of its puppet. It was a tacky, nightmarish demon anyways. Just seeing it sent shivers down all their spines. It looked human, but at the same time it didn't. It had way too many appendages, a second head, the most sick grin they'd ever seen and blood was running down all of its body, out of non existent wounds. 

"... We're sorry okay?! Just hate us but don't do this, it's stupid!" Izumo screamed, fruitlessly.  
"Yukio careful! He's comin' for ya! ... Yukio, ya listenin'?!"  
"... I'm sorry. Nii-san." He whispered, just before his brothers sword was rammed through him, his stomach hurting like it never had before - but his brother was worse of. All because of his stupidity. He heard the others shouts in the background, but that was not important to him anymore. Who was important to him was in his arms now, so he held him as close and as strongly as possible. 

 

Rins world was standing still. He'd heard an 'I'm sorry. Nii-san.' so now he was sure his little brother had to be here. He was wondering about the emotion in that statement as well, because Yukio never apologiesed and he never showed any emotion anymore.  
So he opened his eyes. And had to whishes.  
First he would have wished to stay unaware.  
Second, and stronger as the first one, he should have opened his eyes sooner. 

"Yu...kio..."  
"Nii-san. You're awake." His voice was strained, but there was still a smile on his lips.  
"Rin!" Shiemi started as soon as she noticed what was happening. "Rin we're sorry!"  
"Dude, if ya don't like something, just punch us in the face! Don't just let it happen!" Bon screamed.  
"We're too stupid to notice sometimes ... Maybe more than sometimes - but!" Shima started.  
"We really are sorry!"  
"Com on, don't let that demon have you!" Izumo complained, emotion undeniable in her voice.  
'Ya dun even have ta give us a second chance!" Shura added.  
"Just... Come back and... Be safe." Yukio finished.  
"..why are you... What is..." He was trying hard but failing to remember anything that had happened after he left the school for the mission. "I made the mistake of not looking at you and helping you even once, before. I'm not doing it again...!" Coighing interrupted him, some blood splattering on his hand.  
"Yukio...! " He wanted to pull the sword out, wanted to help him, but if he did, what was the guarantee it wouldn't get worse? "I... I'm-"  
"Don't apologise. That's... Our job this time. I.. we did so many things to you..." He laughed again. "Please... Forgive me.. us.."  
"Yukio!" Tears were streaming down his face. He hated them. All of them. But he wouldn't ever hurt any of them because at the same time ... they were just as important to him as they had been before. They hurt him, but they were his first friends, his brother.. He wouldn't have ever tried to kill any of them if it hadn't been for - "you...! The wall of flames he'd been forced to set up by the demon exploded under his command, swallowing it whole, burning it. Its screams were high pitched and ear wrecking but he didn't care. "...my weakness.."  
"No.. nii-san.."  
"Kh..." He pulled the sword out, hearing a warning 'don't, not till I'm there with Shiemi and medical means' from someone, but he did anyways. He catched his brother, who didn't even look angry at him for hurting him - that had to be a first - and layed him down. He could do this. He'd done it to himself so many times, healing himself with his powers - maybe just maybe he could...  
"Nii-san..? It's okay, this is... Something I deserve -" but he was cut off when blue flames - gentle, warming - enveloped him and he felt intense pain in the area that was injured. "..w..hat.." he gritted out between clenched teeths, but as fast as the pain had come it was gone again. He sat up, feeling his stomach. The rip in his clothes, the splattered blood, still all there. But the wound itself was - "Nii-san, how...?!"  
"..sorry. I.. messed up. I... Hate you but.. this wasn't... P.. please..." He couldn't anymore, though. He was falling forward, in the arms of his brother.  
"Rin!" Everyone gathered around them, fussing over the demon.  
"We gotta tend to the wounds as good as we can and then bring him back and let him get examined by a doctor as fast as possible!" Shura ordered and everyone followed. They'd do this.  
They wouldn't let him down one more time.


	14. Hopes

He was just lying there, like he was sleeping, like nothing had happened. Yukio almost expected him to just sit up, stretch and grin at him in his usual fashion, wishing him a good morning and telling him to be careful when he'd had to go out for some work. Or maybe annoy him until he'd allow his older brother to come along.  
The white walls and beeping machines destroyed that picture though.  
It had been a month. A whole month since he'd been saved by his brothers healing powers and a month since said brother had passed out in his arms, barely breathing, heart barely beating.  
How could he have let this happen?  
Right. He'd been selfish, ignoring the other and taking things for granted, forgetting his Nii-sans feelings.  
In short. He'd been an idiot.  
And now it'd come to this.  
'Don't know if he'll wake up', 'body too damaged', 'demonic healing isn't activating'.  
Those were the words repeating over and over in his head. He'd lose his brother. His strong, undefeatable brother, who had been defeated by the hands of the people that should have been behind him, supporting, not in front of him and taunting. They'd messed up beyond repair. He didn't even know how he could face the now sleeping figure if he woke up.  
He knew, however, that he wouldn't be able to keep on if Rin died.  
Before he knew it Yukio was shaking, tears running down his face, and he reached out to grab the unconscious boys hand.  
"Pleas... Nii-san... I'm so sorry..." He was shaking more violently now. "Everyone is. They all are, we all are, please give us a second chance..!"  
The Esquires had been bere until just a few minutes ago. They still had classed, but all of them came during every break, every free minute. Even after a whole month, they still did.  
They couldn't believe what they'd done when the doctors told them just in what state the half demons body was.  
Burns from holy water, a few months old - a cold shower was creeping down all their backs when they remembered the lesson he was used in as a demonstration. Shura had to actually throw up, guilt making her nauseus.  
Injuries that just wouldn't heal, reaching over the time frame from a few months to back from a few days - again a cold shower when they realised just how blind they'd been after hearing what wounds exactly those were and how bad - one seemed to be a gash from his left shoulder to his right hip, and they wondered how he had hidden such a dangerous wound for so long. They wondered when he had gotten it, but they couldn't ask him, couldn't do anything about it anymore. They seemed to be infected, too. Dirt, bacteria somehow having made their way in. They wondered what had happened, how little Rin must have taken care of his own wounds.

They couldn't even begin to imagine his state of mind.  
He couldn't be okay. He was not. That much was clear. They had seen and heard how he acted and what he'd said shortly before he took on a mission he must have known he wouldn't be able to survive alone.  
He must've known.  
He wanted to die.  
That thought alone made Yukio cry even harder. He wondered over and over what he'd done - nothing, only the bad things - and what he could do to make it better, to get his brother back - was there even anything he could do?  
He desperately hoped there was.  
But first the still unconscious figure had to finally open his eyes. He didn't even need for his older brother to smile or grin at him. He could look at him with hatred if he wanted to. He just had to wake up. He just had to not erase the last glimmer if hope for Yukio to repair the broken bond he had with his brother. That was all he needed. That was all he hoped. Having his brother live, having him still by his side, being allowed to make things better, to start finally looking at him, to protect him properly, not by hiding everything - to just...

It's been two months now. They still came every chance they got, though now Mephisto sent them on missions more often again.  
So, coming home one day to the news that Rin had woken uo during their three day mission was like a miracle. They all literally sprinted towards the hospital section, halting only in front of the half demons door to get some air in their lungs, not to shock him too much with them almost jumping in his room.  
Taking a deep breath Yukio knocked. There was a short pause, he almost wanted to knock a second time and wondered if Rin was even awake, when a silent, unsure 'come in' was heard.  
He didn't like the voice. Of course Rin must've been able to tell who was standing in front of his door. He was a half demon, with all the bad and good sides to it, including very good senses. They could warn him about danger of all kinds, so that was a good thing. Yukio realized he was thinking about unnecessary things. His nerves weren't as strong as he was used to in that moment.  
He carefully opened the door, stepping inside with firm strides but still relucant, careful. He feared what he'd hear and see, but he was okay with hatred. He deserved it.  
Shocked gasps came from behind him when he himself still had to register just what he was seeing.  
Rin was awake, like they'd heard from his voice. Sitting, looking towards them. Pale, naturally. Expression passive. Eyes... Empty. 

"... Nii-san." Yukio started, unsure, carefully.  
"Yukio." Eyes wandering. "Everyone." Still staying passive.  
"Rin! We're so glad you're awake!" Too loud.  
"Don't stay in a coma for so long!" Too daring.  
"Two months! You scared us!" Too demanding.  
"Ya okay?" Too worried.  
"Huh?" Not being able to understand.  
"Nii-san?" Careful again.  
"Why?" Not being able to follow. "What do you want?"  
"Rin?" "We want to know if you're okay!" "Isn't it obvious?" "We came here because you woke up!"  
"No." Too much. "Leave me." Too demanding. "There's no reason for you to do that now if you didn't..." Taking it for granted. 

He knew this would happen. All of them coming in here at rhe same time directly from the beginning had been a bad idea. Yukio knew it wouldn't go well. He hadn't thought about it with the relief he felt when he'd heard the good news.  
But this wasn't how he thought it would be. He thought Rin would be angry. Like he was before. Like his unbreakable spirit would be.  
Yet here he was. Broken. Completely out of their reach. 

"Nii-san." He sat down in a chair beside him. "Thank you." He bowed, so that his head was touching the mattress of the hospital bed. "Thank you for healing me."  
"It was demonic -"  
"It was you." He bowed deeper, creating a dent in the mattress where his head was. "Thank you. For still saving me when I would've understood if you didn't." 

He was answered with silence, and when he looked up he saw confusion underneath the passiveness and dead eyes. When those eyes directed their vision to something behind him and the confusion became even greater he knew the others must've overcome their first waves of relieve and understood what he was doing. Understood the situation.  
The eyes were back on him and Yukio smiled, small, unsure and apologising, watching as a carefully crafted mask slipped into place on his brothers face.  
This would take some time. Maybe never work. But he'd try. It took almost losing him completely to understand just how important his last family member was to him and just what he'd done, but he wouldn't screw up a second time if he was given a second chance. He knew Rins friends realized the same, and they'd do this.  
Though, this time, it wouldn't be about their wishes of him forgiving them.  
It would be about Rin being happy again.


	15. First steps

He still didn't know what everyone wanted from him. They came every day, they visited probably as often as they were able to what with their missions and school and having to study, yet they didn't use their little free time for anything better than bothering him. For anything better than trying and bringing in food and books and other stuff he'd said he liked once or they hoped he liked from what they could gather of his taste.  
They were unsettling.  
He didn't really know what to do with himself and his conflicting emotion. 

"My, what is this?" Mephisto appeared in his usual fashion. "You seem troubled, even though you are getting this many gifts?" His eyes wandered to the mountain of things that had started to appear because of the mass of things everyone had been bringing.  
"I don't get it. I don't get them." He looked at Mephisto questioning and wary. "What do they want?"  
"Your forgives I suppose. " Mephistos eyes were shadowed by his hat. "But, what is this? Are they planning to buy their way through a second chance..? Those..." he murmured, too silent for Rin to clearly hear.  
"What?" he asked, still wary.  
"Nothing of your concern." Mephisto composed himself and grined. "You are officially free to leave the hospital now whenever you want. They realized your wounds would not heal by keeping you here and they did what was possible, so you are allowed to go if you want and continue on with your normal life." 

Rin got up and left without an other word. 

When Yukio heard his brother had been let out of the hospital he questioned the doctors and Mephisto immediately, only to sighe and give up because he had to admit their logic was sound. If Rins wounds weren't healing in the hospital he clearly didn't want to be there, alongside the troubled feelings he had, so maybe leaving him alone and letting him do what he wants would help him a little. He made sure all the presents his brother had received were brought to his room and sighed again at the amount of them. What were the Esquires thinking? What was the point of giving his older brother material presents if it was his heart and mind that had been damaged? Of course, maybe he could appreciate a gift - maybe - and be happy over it for a while, but beside that? He wished the others weren't such kids. But then on the other hand, he guessed this was the first time they were confronted with a situation like this - that was true for himself as well - and he guessed he couldn't be too angry. They wouldn't know how to properly handle this right from the beginning. Maybe his Nii-san would see their efforts.  
He stopped.  
He wondered if his approach had been any good. He'd just visited, talked to his brother and changed bandages, and he'd apologised in the beginning. After a while he stopped doing that and just tried acting normal again, like before this mess had started, with one difference- he stated telling his brother when something was bothering him, like when a higher up wanted him to rewrite a paper because one word had been spelled wrong.  
He had wondered if that was a good idea because Rin himself had a lot to deal with, but he hoped with being so open he was showing the other he trusted him. And maybe that it was okay for Rin to whine about his situation or things on his mind as well.  
In the beginning he had also always questioned Rins 'I'm fine's when asked how he was, but then he figured maybe he shouldn't press too hard. He just always asked and tried to convey the feeling 'please talk to me when you're ready' as best as he could.  
He was still very worried though.  
Especially when Rin just would not come back to their shared room.  
Was he alright? Did he have a roof over his head to protect him from the pouring that had started outside a few minutes ago? Where would he sleep? Yukio realized he had those thoughts before he realized just what was happening, but back then he'd just brushed them off. Now he decided to act on them. He got his coat and two umbrellas and went outside. 

Rin really didn't want to go back 'home'. To Yukio. He shivered, coughed, couldn't breathe for a few moments again while pain pulsated through his body and, mostly, his chest. He breathed, pulling his legs closer to him and tried to hide himself from the rain a little bit more, even when he realised ages ago the tree he was sitting under didn't provide any protection and he was getting wetter and colder by the second.  
He guessed he shouldn't be bothered by it.  
He decided he'd spend the night here, shifting a little to get himself as comfortable as possible against the trunk and closing his eyes when the rain suddenly stopped. He still heated the pitter patter of it all around him though, so he opened his eyes in confusion only to spot his younger brother. 

"... Yukio. "  
" Nii-san, what are you doing here? You'll get sick." It still sounded wrong saying that, but right now, it was more than true. "Please come back to our room." 

Rin didn't say anything and didn't move a muscle, and Yukio was pleading with his eyes only to understand Rin didn't even get why he was there in the first place.  
He wouldn't leave again though. He already did so many unforgivable things - and didn't do anything. So he sat down beside his brother - not too close because he didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable and right now that would probably be very easy, holding one of the umbrellas over both of them. He himself was getting a little wet on his shoulder, but looking over and making sure he saw that his brother didn't, so it was fine with him. This was how he should have acted right from the beginning. 

"Don't go." He said when Rin started to move, looking like he'd leave. He cringed at the coughs leaving his brothers mouth. "Please. At least just stay here. Or go back to the room, I won't come there tonight." he sighed when he saw Rin just continuing to sit there, alert. He'd deserved his distrust though. He just hoped he could get Rin to not get sick, to get to a safe location, to stay here. 

Yurio tried to stay awake the whole time, but somewhere along the way the rains' sound and the fatigue from the day catched up to him. When he woke up again, it was still raining and the umbrella was tucked between him and his brother, who was slumbering while leaning against him, non of the two getting wet anymore.  
He would've cried if it wouldn't have woken his brother, so instead he moved to cover the older from the cold wind. A murmur of his name slipped past the sleeping man's lips and this time he did cry, silently, for just one second, because he knew it was far from over yet.


	16. Honesty

When Rin woke up he was disoriented, wondering where he was and what was leaning against him so heavily. Looking over he saw his younger brother, and then everything came back in a rush. Right. He ran away, tried to hide, was found out anyways and then, for some to him unexplainable reason Yukio had stayed with him in the rain and slept beside him in this uncomfortable position. And even though he'd had slept, and had now time to go over everything that had happened, he still couldn't explain it. He should have just left him alone the way all of them had before he'd been hospitalised, but instead all of them kept bugging him. 

Did they feel guilty because of his condition? He coughed, grabbing his chest. Even though they had been the ones who had put him in it in the first place, did they now feel the need to get him on their side again? He was sure he'd told them he wouldn't become one of their enemies, so what was going on? ... Well, he had been taken over. Why had they not just killed them, though? Why had no higher up sentenced him to death yet? Also, he really didn't want their pity. Maybe they didn't even see him as a strong demonic being anymore, but only as some weak thing that now needed pity and the help of others to survive. That was pathetic. He didn't want to be treated like that. More coughs made its way out of his throat, his grip on the cloths over his chest tightened. Or maybe some higher ups decided they needed him as their weapon still and the way the others were treating him would make him not fight for them. Maybe them being nice to them were orders from higher up. He didn't think he'd like that any more than the other options, and he outright felt like screaming angrily at those. 

A stirring beside him let him notice the moment has brother awoke, Yukio grumbling slightly something Rin couldn't clearly hear and then looking over to him, smiling slightly, carefully.  
How he hated it. 

"Nii-san, good morning." the younger started. "How are you feeling?"  
"Like screaming." He didn't feel like holding back, he didn't care about the shocked look he received for the first outright answer he gave since what felt like decades. He coughed again. "If you were ordered to be nice to me because they need a weapon or people are afraid I'll become an enemy then stop it. If you pity me now even though everything you did to me had to be on purpose then stop it. If you-" his own coughs interrupted him.  
"No Nii-san, that's not-" Yukio was holding him immediately, helping him not to fall over. "Your chest, does it - what's wrong?"  
"Well then why?!" he got up abruptly, standing and staring the other down, mentally cursing his decision to do so because some of his wounds were still irritated and it wasn't all that painless but he didn't care. He ignored his brothers concerned questions. He needed to say this and he needed to say it now and clearly, else he was sure he'd explode. "You go and treat me like the last trash, like I'm not even worth looking at as a living being, and now you all act like you care out of nowhere! Why?! Why else if there wasn't anyone who ordered you or you take pity in me?! I don't want and I don't need your pity and-"  
"That's not it!!" Yukio was standing now too, staring at his brother with honest and open eyes. He didn't have a reason to be angry. He was the reason the other was angry and he had the right to be so. "I didn't notice!" he started, hoping him being honest and just saying it wouldn't do the opposite of what he wanted. "I didn't notice you were hurting so much, I don't notice I made you feel like that! You were always the strong one, and you never show anything anymore, and I shouldn't have given you the feeling of doing so by doing it myself-!"  
"Then why?!" He didn't want to hear it. "Why did you make me feel like this?! Why did you act the way you did?!"  
"I...I don't know." His head hung low, thoughts racing in his mind, having asked himself the same question over and over again already. "I... I was naive I guess. I thought battles and other things would make you stronger, I thought I needed to protect you so I didn't tell you anything anymore. I thought maybe it would make you strong for all the people who would treat you like trash because they really think you are.. " He paused. "Or maybe I just didn't think anything and was just too caught up in my own world and troubles to notice what was going on. I.. Really can't answer this question with a one hundred percent certainty." He paused again, looking up to see his brothers emotionless expression. A mask again. "All I do know is that I was an idiot. I only noticed it when it was almost too late though, when I... Almost lost you..."  
"Tsk." Rin turned, not being able to look at the other anymore. "So you want to tell me it was all just a mistake."  
"It's true, I didn't want -"  
"From every single one of you. You and Shura and all the esquires at the same time, you just didn't look at me. Because of those reasons."  
"Nii-san, I really don't know what the others were thinking, we didn't talk about it but all of them are sorry-"  
"That's too much of a coincidence. I don't believe you. Why should everyone at the same time decide to treat me like I'm some kind of unusable, untrustworthy piece of trash?!" He was screaming at the end, but then he suddenly calmed down. "Well, maybe because I am." His voice was low, so low Yukio almost didn't catch it. "I do destroy things. I do mess up. I only cause trouble for everyone around me, I guess there really isn't anything good about me." The coughs were starting to annoy him, and he started having trouble breathing.  
"That's not true!" Yukio was shocked at his brothers words, but he should have guessed they had hurt him bad. He knew they did, in fact, but it was the first time his brother had said anything to show just how much and he wasn't evee sure if this was the full extent. "You always help people, you always save them, you always brighten moods and you are so strong - everyone makes mistakes at first, when you can control your power I'm sure there won't be too many destroyed things anymore - I... I only get angry because you're so reckless, and the higher ups could decide any moment they don't need you anymore, and I really don't like all the extra work it creates for me but- " he didn't know if what he was saying was okay at the moment, but he guessed he shouldn't hold anything back and show his brother he wasn't lying. "But it's for Nii-sans safety, so-"  
"Stop. "  
" Nii-san- "  
" Stop! " He whirled around, facing Yukio again, this time without a mask to cover his anger and hurt. "I don't want to hear it, shut up-"  
"Nii-san?!"

Yukio rushed to the other as soon as his knees hit the ground, and even though Rin was staring daggers at him he held him, pulling up his shirt to look at the wounds, trying to figure out if anything on his chest had opened up again, why he was clenching his clothes there so much, why he was coughing again this much. Rins breathes sounded forced, and Yukio shuddered at the thought of him having trouble breathing and maybe at some point hyperventilating and him losingn his Nii-san- He felt like punching himself when he saw something indeed had opened again, lifting the other up and proceeding to run towards their dorm, ignoring the struggle and words of protest. Had he done this again? He thought it had been a good idea to just say it all and be completely open, but had it done the opposite of what he'd wanted? Or had Rin just overdone it and the wound would have opened up again anyways? Either way, he decide not to bring him to the hospital. It didn't do anything the first time, and maybe he could take care of the other and show him he did care and didn't just have any orders. 

Rin didn't get what was going on anymore. He wanted to believe what Yukio had told him, he really did, but he'd been far too hurt by everything that happened. What if he believed him, and then the others, and then things would just start over again and they'd treat him like trash again?  
They reached the dorm and he could already hear the many footsteps he recognised as those from his cram school class mates and he cursed. He didn't have the energy to run anymore at the moment, the spin and emotional stain too much, and even if he didn't feel like being confronted with them at all he didn't have a choice in the matter because they were already surrounding him, fussing over him and then making their way inside the dorm and readying medicine as well as food and everything else they somehow thought he needed or wanted or whatever. He didn't care. He was tired. So he decided to just sleep for a while and deal with whatever situation he would be in when he woke up when he did.  
He didn't have the mind anymore to wonder why he decided to sleep in the presence of so many 'enemies', just noticed that his brother was closest to him all the time when he was still conscious and somehow knew he would be while he was unconscious as well, so he guessed he was alright.  
He knew he'd hit himself for being this soft later and blame it on the fatigue and pain he had.


	17. Concerns, reassurings, and giving in

When Rin woke up the next time the first thing he realized was that he was lying on top of something soft and that something soft was covering him – the complete opposite of how he had awoken last time, leaned against a tree in a kind of uncomfortable position.  
What had happened again? Ah, right.  
He’d ran away, and then Yukio had decided he was worth his time following, and then he hadn’t left and he’d fallen asleep right there against the tree, and then he’d awoken and they’d argued – had they? Rin felt like it had been less of an argument and more of a heated debate, since he really couldn’t remember any anger from Yukios part at least. He himself did get pretty angry, but he had been allowed to, right? He had his reasons, and he was sure his reaction had been normal, right?

“Rin!”  
“Wh- Kuro?” He looked over to where the voice had come from, the small black cat-demon coming into view and hopping on the bed he was laying in.  
“Rin, I’m so glad you’re awake again.”  
“Did I worry you?” He scratched him behind his ears, purring filling the former silent room in no time. “…The others were here as well?”  
“Yes, but Yukio made them all go home. He said he was sure that it would be too much for you, having to deal with all of them right after you would wake up, and they looked like they didn’t like that but they agreed that it would be better to meet and talk with you separately.”  
“…Yukio…” Rin sighed, slowly getting up, trying to hold the pain of himself moving to a minimum, though he realized it was not as strong as before. Lookingn outside he saw an opened pack of pain meds. Looking outside he saw the sun standing high on the sky. “How long was I…”  
“For about two days, a few hours more.” Kuro jumped down on the flor when Rin went to leave the room. “Rin, is it okay for you to walk around again already?”  
“I’m fine. My wounds don’t hurt anymore,” that was a lie, but Kuro didn’t have to know everything. The pain meds Yukio probably had given him did help, a little. He coughed slightly, shortly, surpressing more as not to worry the small black creature. The cat was the only being who hadn’t hurt him – and yet, Rin found it impossible for himself to trust and tell him things. “and I’m kind of hungry.”  
“Oh, I see!” Kuro grinned happily. “If your appetite is back then that’s a good sign.”  
“…Is Yukio here?” Rin made his way to the kitchen, figuring he’d been placed in the nursery room of the old dorm.  
“No, I think there was something he had to take care of.” Kuro was right beside him. “He asked me to be at your side all the time and get help as soon as you would need it… He was really worried. He was here all the time since you collapsed again, and he only left after Mephisto came and made him leave.”

Rin really didn’t know what to say to that.  
As soon as they entered the kitchen, Uchobach greeted them, looking the half-demon up and down, nodding to himself and making his way over to the stove in order to start and cook something for him. He just nodded when Rin asked for a small portion, and when Kuro asked why, reminding him that he himself had said he was hungry, Rin just told the small demons that he wanted to get used to eating again in small steps since he hadn’t been able to eat anything really because he’d been unconscious so often lately. They accepted that, after thinking about it for a short while, and while Kuro watched Uchobach cook Rin just sat down and looked out of the window, telling the demons he was still a little too tired to cook himself, which they just agreed to, happy to be able to do something for their obviously weakened friend. Kuro told him to just let himself be taken care of, so he decided to ignore that and just leave himself to his thoughts. He still had to cough, but it wasn't as bad as before, and he wondered whether Yukio had given him something against that as well - he wondered what that would be, then, since the meds he had been given all the way back when he first noticed his symptoms and had to leave the sports lesson because of a coughing fit had not helped at all. Well. It had been a human school nurse unaware of demons, and it had been human medicin. So maybe he had been given something made for him, out of Shiemies' mothers' shop? Yukio knew a lot, after all, about such things. 

That aside, though... he wasn’t sure what the others goals were. Maybe the other students were so afraid of him that it was a reason to try and get on his good side again. Maybe Shura, as a teacher and as someone who made a promise to his father had the feeling she had to have him on her good side. Maybe Yukio had orders. Maybe was a word he really used often lately, and he guessed he’ll use it a lot more often in the future, because there was no way for him to tell what other beings were really thinking. 

Well. He had a feeling he should know what Yukio was thinking. How he felt. He was his little brother. Though really, he didn’t know anymore, and the fact that he was the first one to hurt him but also the first one to come back to him more than confused Rin. And then there were the things Yukio was telling him. How much he regretted everything, how stupid he’d realized he had been, how little he had thought about his actions. And Rin couldn’t find the trace of a lie. He had searched, in his voice, his smell, his eyes and his gestures and everything else that could help him tell whether Yukio had been telling a lie or not, but there wasn’t a single sign. Not a single ounce of hesitation or regret as he told his older brother that he had realized he had made many mistakes. And Rin especially didn’t know what to think of that only for the reason that it had been the first time in a long, long time that Yukio had admitted to an error, apologized, or anything else alike. Rin could still remember vividly how their childhood days had been – filled with laughter, trust, happiness. Though, thinking back now, he wondered when exactly Yukio had started his training as an exorcist. He wondered when he had started seeing demons, when he had learned of the truth of their father, and when he had started not to rely on his older brother anymore. Rin remembered it had been gradually, so much that he thought Yukio was growing stronger by himself and not because of a harsh reality full of maybe even daily training and fights with demons. He wondered how hard that must have been, but he was sure he had been fine since their father had been by his side the whole time. And Rin had to admit he was kind of jealous that he had never been able to see how awesome their father had been. That was his fault though. He had killed the man that had raised them, their true father, in his opinion. He didn’t give a shit about Satan and he would kill the demon as soon as the possibility arose. 

That wasn’t the point though. 

He knew why Yukio had ‘betrayed’ him, and there wasn’t anything Rin could say to make it better or to defend himself. It was all his fault – he should have known that their father wouldn’t ever throw him out without reason, he should have listened to the old man and regained his cool, he shouldn’t have reacted the way he had, but he did. He did, and there was nothing he could do anymore to change what had happened, and he still did blame himself even if he had always acted strong, and he understood Yukio. Understood his anger, his hate, his knowledge of a world he had slowly found his way into and Rin had just stumbled in. His position. His skills. His experience. He understood, and yet he was unbelievable sad that he wasn’t an older brother anymore at all, no matter what he did, because really. He had lost it, trust as well as his will to live, because what was life in the state he was in? Hated and feared by everyone and everything?

He was ripped out of his thoughts when Uchobach placed a plate with food in front of him, nodding, and Kuro telling him to eat in order to regain his strength again faster. He looked at the meal, a light and small but filling one full of vitamins, and he thanked the chef before beginning to eat. It tasted as good as expected of the demon, and the plate was almost empty before he realized how much he had eaten.  
He was about to finish when the door opened. 

“I’m back…”  
“W-!...” Rin had wanted to automatically welcome his brother back, but he realized and stopped himself, biting his lip almost hard enough to draw blood. Muffled coughs coming out, betraying him.  
“Nii-san!” Yukio made his way over to him fast as soon as he saw his older brother sitting on the table. “You’re up again..! What-“ he paused, observing Uchobach bringing an empty plate to the sink to clean it and the other utensils he had used. “You ate something? I’m glad- Nii-san?”  
“…” Rin didn’t say anything, just getting up and leaving the room, but noticing the younger one following him. “I… I’ll just go sleep again.”  
“Nii-san, wait. Let me look at your wounds and re-bandage them first –“  
“No need.” They had reached the nursery room, Rin not feeling like going to their room again but also not wanting to sleep in one of the unused, probably dirty rooms.  
“There is.” Yukio was getting supplies he would need to do what he had said he wanted to do, and made Rin sit on the side of the bed. “Please, Nii-san. If your wounds reopen again or get infected it will be bad…”  
“For who?”  
“For you –for me, for all of the others-“  
“I’ll heal eventually. Or I’ll just die, and then no one will be inconvenienced –“  
“Don’t say that!” Yukio almost shouted, and Rin was shocked at the others loud voice, but Yukio didn’t stop. “Look, don’t think things like that! It’s a lie that you’ll heal – you don’t want to! And don’t think it would be better to die – are you going to leave me just like dad did?!”  
“What…?” Rin whispered, and something snapped. “You – You said it yourself!” He was the one shouting now, tears in his eyes he didn’t even notice he was shedding. “I killed him, I killed our father – I destroyed our family, and you hate me for it – you wanted to kill me, you were always ready to should there be the smallest sign of me losing control or betraying you all-!”  
“Nii-san, that’s not-“  
“It is true!” He was standing now, they both were, having equally desperate expressions, though Rin was the only one shedding tears while Yukio was the only one looking like he was begging. “You have to remember what happened on our – my first day here – there’s no way you forgot! And I get it, I get it already! I killed him, I know so much less about all of this than you do, I have so much less experience – I get it, you have every right to hate me and want to kill me, just don’t say things that make me even think about thinking about it otherwise!” He was coughing harder now, whatever had been given to him, if anything had been given to him, losing its effect with his raging emotions, with him taking it everything but easy.  
“Nii-san, calm down- your wounds-!”  
“It’ll… It already hurts enough, don’t make it hurt more, please, I accepted it already…!” he slowly let himself fall to the ground, kneeling there, in front of the bed.  
“Nii-san…!” Yukio kneeled right in front of his brother, grabbing a gentle but firm hold of his shoulders. He was still coughing, and he used one hand to rubb the others back, hoping to soothe it a little. He still wondered what kind of sickness his brother had - though his immune system must have been down for quiet a while now, what with all these wounds, and he wouldn't be surprised if he had contracted a cold, just holding this long. He hoped it was nothing worse. “Nii-san, please, listen – I was hurt, I was sad, I was grieving in the wrong way back then, wanting to be able to shove the blame on someone only because I felt so helpless, only because I thought of so many ‘what-if’s’-!” He hugged his shaking brother close, tears now spilling out of his eyes as well. “I blamed you because you were right there and Satan was so far away, and I know I was wrong –“  
“I’m his son-!”  
“I am too!”  
“I have the powers-!”  
“I could have had them just as well!” He hugged the other tighter, feeling rising resistance in form of pushing from the other, but didn’t loosen the embrace, careful of his wounds. Both were fully crying now, voices choked. “I was an idiot, I know now that all these things hurt you just as much as they hurt me, and I know you didn’t ever want him to die – I get now that it must have confused and frightened you a lot to suddenly be thrown in a reality with demons – Nii-san, I was just too blind and hurt and stupid back then…!”  
“What if I do become like him-!”  
“You won’t, I wouldn’t let you, no one would, and you’re so different from that demon, Nii-san – you’re half human! And even if you did get your powers from Satan, you have so many more emotions, you have reasons, dreams, you’re not a beast-“  
“You won’t ever accept me. You won’t ever rely on me again as an older brother-“  
“There was a meeting today.” Yukio started, calming his breath. “There were a lot of older, more experienced exorcists, big names as well as small names, and it was so hard holding a meeting with them – it was about a rise in demonic activities in a forest not too far from here and what to do about it – they were so hard to get to listen to me, and they only barely did, and my proposal was only accepted because one of the bigger names made it his own.”  
“Y-yu…kio?”  
“I was so angry and felt so betrayed – it was someone I worked with together once and thought the least he would do something like that, but he did-“  
“…!” He stopped his shoving and put a hand on one of his brothers shoulders.  
“But I really couldn’t say anything. Everyone thought the proposal was the best solution, if I would have said something I would have made them distrust me even more for accusing such a big name of something like that- So I had to keep quiet and endure the look I was getting from him.”  
“Yukio…” Rin was still crying, though the reason had changed. “You… You’ll make it hurt again, and so much more this time-“  
“Nii-san, I swear-“  
“So,” he continued, interrupting him. “please, please just don’t do it again, don’t hurt me again – I’m being a baby, I’m asking a lot and unreasonable things of you right now, but… Don’t… don’t try so hard to make me think I really am your older brother again just to succeed and then make it hurt again after-“  
“I won’t, Nii-san, I swear I won’t!” He moved so their foreheads were touching, the two of them looking into each others eyes. “So let me prove it. Please.”  
“…I.. I’d accepted it. But… I really, in truth, I really -… I want to continue living and seeing things, having a brother, having… friends…” he gulped, only hardly getting the last word out. “I… I want to have them again, someday, and… and I want to keep on experiencing things, and realize my goal-“  
“Then you’ll do just that!” Yukio looked at him desperately. “I’ll prove I’m still your younger brother- one who was stupid and had a rebellious phase he took way too far – I’ll make you believe again, and then, …” He paused. “Then I’ll be there so we can continue with your friends, and every other hardship on the way, and I’ll help you experience things and realize your goal-“  
“…So… so many promises.. “ He chuckled, lightly, weakly, tired. “I…I want to start small..”  
“Yeah. So I’ll start with myself. Alright?”  
“…” Rin just nodded, and covered his eyes with his hand. He was coughing again, tired, little coughs, and they got less and less. For now. “I… I’m not in too much pain. I- think I want to sleep in my own bed again.”  
“Nii-san…” Yukio hugged him once more, then helped him to sit on the bed again. “Let me look after your wounds first, then let’s go up to our room, all right?” A nod was all he needed to start.

Yukio happily noted how Rin wasn’t resisting, rather being cooperative, while getting his wounds cleaned and bandaged anew - Yukio still had to cringe, to bite his tounge, seeing his brothers wounds. He took the pain medicines without protest, probably glad himself to be relieved off at least a little of it, though Yukio did not know how much they really were helping. He even let himself be supported on the way to his room, still weak and wobbly on his feet and tired from all the physical and emotional stain, tired. He helped his brother in his bed after he changed into more comfortable clothes and they said their good-nights, even if it would be a little while before Yukio would be able to sleep. Still with a lot on his mind, he watched his brother, swearing to himself never to hurt him like that again and to start prooving just that, starting 'yesterday'.


	18. Finishing the first step, ready to take the second.

Rin had to wonder how often he would continue to wake up wondering where he was and why he was laying on something soft. Really, he should get used to it – he had slept in soft beds all his life, why was he so confused by waking up in one now? His brain was doing irrational things again, though he didn’t know if they really were wrong. What was so bad about wondering whether your enemy got you again? Enemy. That was a word he never would have thought he would be using in the context of his brother, or the classmates he had made and thought of as friends, or all the teachers on the exorcist school in general.

And then his memories of the last time he had been awake came back, and he wondered how often that would be the case. Of course, memories always slowly returned to you when you woke in the morning, the more pressing ones first and then the others, but he felt it was different in his case. He really did wonder how often it would take him to finally accept that he was always still tired no matter how long he had slept and that he would always make foolish decisions which he would regret later on.

He shuddered when he thought about how he had broken down and cried, in front of his brother, and then he’d allowed him to hug him and take care of him and damn it, he was in their shared room again. He didn’t know what had overcome him now that he thought back.

 

Well, he kind of did.

Pain meds, and others, were one thing, probably. But also... It was pathetic, maybe, surely, but... He guessed he really wanted to live and fulfill his goal of defeating Satan – he guessed no one wanted to live on their own. People always sought other people in order not to be alone, in order to get through the hardships of life with others, in order to have a fun life with fun experiences and fun memories they could later on talk about. You could do that on your own, but it wasn’t nearly as much fun as it was when you had friends, family, when you had anyone at all you could share things with. Being alone was just.. lonely. But was he ready?

Rin silently laughed at thinking the obvious, stopping when he needed to cough a little again.

Also, he guessed, he really did still love his brother. He hurt him, he had at one point tried to kill him, but when he thought back – and should he do that? Think back to days when exorcism and demons sounded like fairy tails, in both of their ears? He supposed he shouldn’t, really, because that would just hurt himself. He didn’t need to hurt himself when there were already so many people that were doing that for him, so he stopped his thoughts right where they began. A few louder, more body-wrecking coughs came out of his mouth.

“Nii-san!”

“Y-Yukio…?” Rin looked over to his brother, who was sitting on his desk.

“You were awake? You could have said something. How are you feeling?” The younger twin got up, making his way over to his older brother. “Do you need anything? Food? Something to drink?” “I-…” ‘Feel like shit, like garbage thrown out only to be brought back in only to be trampled on and to lie in some corner to rot’, that’s what he wanted to say, to throw in front of his brothers feet, to make him finally understand how he felt, but he didn’t. “I’ve… I’ve felt better. Thanks, but I don’t need anything.” ‘so don’t force yourself to be nice to me’.

“Nii-san. Please…” Yukio hesitated, fidgeting, ultimately deciding to sit down on the end of the bed his brother was half sitting in. “I have a ton of work to do because your class failed a mission.” He started, sighing. “There were demons near the school – not too strong ones, but ones that should be taken care of before anything could have happened. We went there, yesterday evening – you were sleeping for two whole days again – and made sure to exorcise them. Well, that’s how it should have been.” He sighed again. “First we forgot that we have one person less, and an incredible strong fighting force at that, and then they overwhelmed us. Mephisto had to come in and do the rest, but he didn’t even scold us.” “…Yukio?” “He just looked at us and told us ‘there you have it, and that’s only the start of what you yourselves made reality’, and then left.” He laughed, without humor. “Well, he’s right about that… Anyways, of course it didn’t take long for the higher ups to hear about all of this. I had to go to a meeting during the morning and have to write a report now – well, I have to finish it today. I’ve been sitting on it for quiet a while.” Yukio crossed his arms in front of him and sighed. “That all wouldn’t have been necessary if they would just listen to me for once – they thought something along the lines of you having destroyed something again – because the demons did make quiet the ruckus and damaged a lot of buildings – and they didn’t even want to listen to me trying to explain them that you weren’t even there. Then they went on and on about how irresponsible the students apparently were – because Bon wasn’t able to concentrate on his sutras, as was Konekomaru, and Shiemi let her familiar damage one or two buildings as well because she got confused about an enemy who seemed to keep on disappearing. They said they needed a lot more of hands-on training, so I also have to write a plan for that, which isn’t easy because there is an other side who wants to wait with too much combat training until the theoretical knoweledge is completely there.” He paused again, massaging his temples. “Well, I guess that’s to be expected. I also expect whatever I finish writing won’t be accepted without some protest or completely – they’re always like that.”  
“Yukio? What… Why are you telling me this?” ‘Because you got so much work again – because of me?’  
“Because I learned my lesson. You should know what’s going on – anything that is related with you, like the fact that right now, they don’t even accept the fact that you’re out of commission and can’t even fight and they still think you did something – and because I thought I…” Yukio paused, scratching his head. “Well, you said you didn’t feel like I was your younger brother anymore – or you were my older brother anymore – because I never came to you with my problems and things like that, so…” “…You… Huh?” “Nii-san, I’m trying okay..?” Yukio scratched his head, expression troubled. “I’m not sure how to go about this. This is something that’s on my mind right now, and you always did notice when something was on my mind. So me telling you about it, I thought it would either be fine or it would make you think that I’m in trouble again because of you – I really hope it is the first one, but…”

So that’s what it was.  
Rin stared at Yukio, who was still not looking at him but rather to the ground. So he was troubled by something, and he thought it would make Rin feel good when Yukio came to him with his troubles and make him feel like they were brothers again – that Rin was an older brother to Yukio – so that’s why he was talking about all of this right now – was it? 

“Don’t force yourself.” The words came out cold, colder than Rin had thought they would, but he didn’t mind. It was how he felt and what he thought.  
“Nii-san-“  
“If you never came to me until now, then it must be because you didn’t want to. If you really don’t want to and only do this now because of the situation we – no, I am in, then… Are you making fun of me?!”  
“I’m not!” Yukio was standing now, right beside his sitting brother. “I really am not, Nii-san! You always protected me when we were little, I thought it was my turn now, since I had training longer than you and know more about all of this than you – I thought I would trouble you or put you in danger if I told you too much! I thought if I told you what kind of work exactly I have to do, with what kind of people I have to work together, then you would feel at fault – since it is true that they are harder to me because of you, but I do all of this because I want to…”  
“Well, you always did complain, but only that you have that work because of me. And that has to be how you feel, right?! It was the only thing you ever talked about with me relating to your work –“  
“No, Nii-san, I… I sometimes am mad at the work I get because of you, but that’s not because of you yourself, it’s because no one seems to be able to leave you alone! So you are a demon – I… I did have a hard time accepting that, I did have a hard time accepting who our real father is – not that I accept him himself, Shiro is our father… but I got it now. I finally got it, during everything that happened – when you healed me.”  
“I…!” Rin froze at that memory – healing his brother, injured, with his demonic powers, preventing death yet making him feel his powers so closely, so raw –  
“I felt your power.” Yukio spoke out what Rin had been thinking about. “I felt it… and it didn’t feel dangerous. I thought a lot about what happened while you were in the hospital, while you were asleep. I realized, afterwards, that the power I felt wasn’t fueled by anger, a wish for destruction, or anything like that at all. I realized it felt like you – kind, caring, but… so hurt, so thick with something I still can’t put my finger on.” He looked his older brother in the eyes. “The power that should be healing you right now but doesn’t is what healed me, isn’t it? I… It felt like it would heal anything but you, but it also felt like that was what you wanted, and I had to think about Mephistos words again. About all the possible reasons your power stopped healing yourself, about how you probably didn’t want that – and I… I realized again how badly I screwed up, about how everything I thought was the right way to act wasn’t only hard for me to do but a lot worse for you, about how I just should have trampled my pried so much sooner and about how much could have been avoided if I hadn’t been caught up in my own little world.” He paused again, sat down directly beside Rin and looked him in the eyes, hoping he could convey how much he meant every word he said. “I promised you, when you were awake the last time, that I would show you how I really feel, that I would show you we’re still brothers, that I would show you I regret what I did –“  
“So then…” Rin interrupted him, looking away, biting his lips. “So then… you really did say all of that because you want to rely on me again? Because… you really do see me as your older brother? Because if not-“  
“Yes. To all of that.”

Rin had to suppress laughter – the bitter kind, the one without humor. So that was it? …Really? He said something akin to a ‘I want to trust and be family again’ last time, but… did he want that? And was he ready to trust that guy sitting beside him again? Because, Rin pondered, even though he was right there, talking to him, he looked so far away, and even his voice seemed distant to him. Like he was talking to him with a wall between them – no, with a glass. The kind of glass one person could see through and the other could not, because Rin did hear the emotion in every word the other had said. But he was pretty sure, from the way Yukio acted and spoke, cautious of every reaction the other could have, that he could not see the emotions playing inside of him, so the half demon was sure – and proud – that he managed to keep each and every single of his thoughts and emotions in check, that non of it escaped, that Yukio still didn’t know a thing about him he could pressure him with, and he was also sure that wasn’t a thought anyone normally had about their brother, but what was he supposed to do? He wasn’t ready for this yet – for the open feelings of the other so close after everything he had went through, after he finally decided to be selfish for once and not care about others anymore – had he decided that? Probably, even if it had been unconsciously. Because where he put a mask on before there wasn’t one now, and where he held his bitter emotions now he didn’t – well, he still did, but he let everyone know that he didn’t think highly of them anymore. The others weren’t the ones sitting in front of him now, though, expression growing more and more worried by the second, because yes, he realized he had been caught up in his own thoughts for quiet a while now.

“…See, Yukio… I don’t feel like trusting you again yet.” He started, not needing to look over to see the other had frozen, to see the hands now balled to fists. “I don’t feel like trusting anyone again right now – what if I do and I just get thrown out again? What if you all just threw me out, felt guilty, let me in again only to realize you made a mistake by doing that, and then you let me rot and use me some more for your convenience to make me feel like maybe I won’t get thrown out again, and then throw me out again afterwards after all, just to make sure this time I certainly am taken away with the trash?”  
“What- Nii-san, what are you-“  
“That’s how you all make me feel now. That’s how it is.” He felt like the glass only he had been able to see through had a small window the other was able to see through now as well. “That’s how I’ve felt for a while now – I trusted all of you. You betrayed that. You did, and even if I can believe the emotions I’m able to see and hear when you talk to me – I hope I can believe them, at least – I still don’t feel like I want to trust you again yet… Because what if – …” He stopped himself there, before that small window, barely able to fit a persons head through, would become a bigger one – a door-shaped one, possibly.  
“Nii-san. I… I know. I know, now, too late, but I got it. Finally. I … I’m not telling you to trust me again right now, just like that, and especially not like nothing happened – You were far too gentle and caring for far too long, and I don’t even want you to take care of others before yourself. I want you to take care of yourself, first and foremost, and then, maybe, if the time is right, I… I ask that you can take care of me again as well. And that you let me continue to take care of you then as well, because that’s what I’ve done, the wrong way, until now, and I’ll continue that. Even if you hate me, … no. No, I take that back. I don’t want you to hate me. Just… please.” He stopped, not knowing what to say anymore. “And… I also ask you… please let me be there. Please don’t ignore me, because I really want to…” He stopped again, staying silent this time.  
“…I can do that. I can talk to you, I can listen to you – but I don’t know how much of me I’ll let you see, and I don’t know if what you will maybe see is something you won’t regret giving it your all for.”  
“I won’t.” Yukio strengthened his resolve. “I really won’t, because if you let your anger and sorrow out, then at least I can be there and take responsibility.”  
“…I can’t… Yukio.“ Rin sighed, smiling bitterly. “And here we are, talking about all of this again – how often did I make you explain yourself?”  
“Not often enough, if you still need it, and I’ll say everything as often as you need to hear it to belief me.”  
“How didn’t you get tired of me yet?”  
“Because you’re my brother, and I love you as such.”

Rin froze, eyes widening. He had just said that, in reality, and this wasn’t some sort of dream, right? He had just heard him say that, and he had heard the emotions playing in his voice, seen the sincerety in his eyes –

“Nii-san…?” Yukio had wanted to say something more – anything to make his brother feel better after he had shown so many emotions again all at once during their talk and he was sure to be tired, but he stopped, looking at the black tail wrapping around his wrist. “Are you… Are you all right?” He carefully questioned, making his brother look at him only to see the tears running down his cheeks. “Nii-san?!”  
“You… you really better not make fun of me and be serious…”  
“Yes, yes I am serious-“  
“Then… then just for now, just… I’ll believe you… so…”  
“Thank you.” Yukio moved, cautious of the tail still wrapped around not only his wrist but almost all of his arm now, and hugged his brother again.  
“I… I am sorry that I started a fight again.. I- really just needed to…”  
“It’s fine. It wasn’t a fight. I know.” Yukio smiled. “It was only an honest discussion. Talking about how we feel – we haven’t done that in what feels like decades, so both of us needed this – and I’m sure we’ll both need whatever other discussion we’ll have.” Yukio paused, bringing a bit of distance between them, smiling when he noticed the tears had stopped. “You feeling up to eat something now?”  
“…okay. A little. Can I stay here?”  
“Mh.” Yukio nodded. “I’ll tell Uchobach to make something, and I’ll bring it to you.”  
“…Bathroom.”

Both of them got up, Yukio noticing the tail only slowly letting go of him. He hoped everything would be fine from now on. He would have any discussion about any topic his brother needed for as often and long as he needed as long as he would feel better in the end – he was still shocked at Rins reaction to him saying that he loved his older brother. No, that was wrong. He wasn’t shocked at Rin, but at himself, for how little he must have shown his feelings. For how much his brother seemed to hope for the words to be true.  
Getting some food and going up to their shared room again, he saw his brother on his bed, leaning against the wall and wrapped in a blanket. 

“Are you cold?” He gave him the soup Uchobach made, observing the other carefully.  
“A little…” He started eating, slowly, but finished more and more of it.  
“I…guess that’s to be expected. Your body has been and still is put under a lot of stress.” ‘Physically, …and mentally.’ “It will probably take a while before you’re at full power again…”  
“Well… I guess I can heal a little.”

Yukio paused at those words, hope stirring. After his brother finished his soup he brought the plate back down and medical supplies back up – Rin saw them, looked towards the ground, back at Yukio and started to take his shirt off. Yukio smiled at that, happy his brother was holding true to his words, started unwrapping the bandages, only to see that they really had healed a little. He’d only changed bandages the day before while he had still been asleep, and compared to that, this was a big step forwards.  
He winced when his brother hissed at the disinfection spray he needed to use – and froze for the shortest of moments when he felt his brothers tail on his wrist again, squeezing a little.  
He wondered whether he was conscious of it. He guessed that didn’t matter, though, because either way – it was a good sign. One that made him more than just a little happy. 

“I… I don’t want to sleep yet.” Rin paused, scratching his head. “Tell me… well… anything.”  
“Anything?”  
“Like… what did you do? While I was.. you know.”  
“..All right.” He thought for a moment, deciding against telling him how worried he had been but instead of his work – he thought that would do more. They’d just finished one discussion, and with the way Rin was asking, he doubted risking a second one was what he wanted. “Well, work didn’t change too much – I had to write a lot of explanations for a lot of people, not only you. Your classmates sometimes do stupid things as well, after all – like not partaking in a mission because they wanted to stay at home to be there to apologize to you as soon as you awoke.” He told him the truth, because anything else would be foolish, unfair, and going back on his words. “There was that one meeting Mephisto forced me to go to, and there was that annoying guy…”

They sat there, talking – well, Yukio was anyways, Rin was mostly listening - and while Rin only managed a small smile at hearing his brother complain about one higher ranked exorcist or an other, that was more than enough for Yukio.  
And Rin was sure, this time, all of what had happened and what he had said was one hundred percent conscious – he wouldn’t regret it or think too long about it the next time he woke up. He was also sure that wasn’t the last discussion they would have – but he was sure it was enough for now. Starting now they could take small steps, discussing things when problems arose, but else…  
His eyes slowly fell closed, and even though Yukio did notice that, he just smiled and didn’t stop talking. He did notice, however, that his brothers tail didn’t even let go of him when he finally managed to relax and fall asleep, and he had to sigh at that – happily, without really being bothered. He wouldn’t be able to get to his desk to finish his work now – he couldn’t even reach it from here to work on the bed. Huffing – smiling – he put his brother in a more comfortable position against the wall, sitting beside him leaning against the wall, his own eyes slowly falling closed.  
The biggest and hardest first step was taken – he was sure, hoped, begged that it would only get better from now on.  
Like that the twins slept beside each other in peace for the first time since their childhood.


	19. Tiptoeing to the next step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you probably maybe realized, I editet each and every single one of the chapters of this story.  
> I was kind of out of it for quiet a lot of times, after all, and I decided to go through it from the beginning again - hence the story being posted and updated the same day, as well as all the chapters.  
> Well, nothing too much has changed, though I did correct some mistakes I spotted - can not guarantee I got them all - and I did change some things here and there, going a little more in depth of some things. There are some chapters I only corrected grammar and spelling wise, though. So yeah. 
> 
> I don't think it's nessecarry for anyone to read everything again, though I do have to say I did write quiet a bit in advance to be able to update a little more frequently now, so maybe it would be good for getting in to the whole story again?  
> I'll leave that up to you. 
> 
> But thank all of you, for being so pacient with me and for all the great feedback - it helps a lot, and it's a lot more fun to write if I know there are people actually enjoying this, so yeah. //.//
> 
> Until the next chapter~ ^.^/

„..kay, ...doing this...“  
A voice, Rin thought sleepily, that's what woke him up.  
„..no, they can't,... 'm sure, yes....“  
Yukios voice, he realized soon after, and since he seemed to answer someone but Rin couldn't hear an other voice he must be talking with that someone over the phone.  
„Well, I... guess I'll leave as soon as possible, but...“ Yukio paused, a movement beside him gaining his attention. „Yes, yes. Leave it to me, and excuse me once again for not calling to inform you I wouldn't be coming to school or to teach today. Good bye.“  
Rin yawned, stretched a little and scratched his head, glancing over to where he was leaning on his brother.  
„Nii-san, good morning.“ Yukio smiled. „You're just in time- Uchobach came up here a few moments ago and said he'd make some brunch for us to eat, since we both overslept breakfast. Do you think you can eat anything heavier than a light soup?“  
„Mh...“ He grumbled, nodding. „... You have work?“  
„I do.“ Yukio said after a short pause in which he realized Rin must have heard part of his conversation. „Apparently there is a demon somewhere in the forest close by, but it doesn't seem to be a very strong one.“  
„Mh? So why send you?“ Rin looked at him questioningly, knowing Yukio was not someone normaly sent after small fries.  
„W-well, I kind of overslept completely, and after noticing my absence today Mephisto decided to give me the job. It's kind of annoying, but that's punishment. I can be glad it wasn't anything worse. I do not only have to study, but also have a job there.“  
„Hah?“ Rin chuckled amused. „You overslept?“  
„W-well, yes, so what?“ Yukio retorted, in mock anger. „You do it all the time!“  
„Just kind of odd hearing that from you.“ He sat up, stretching some more. „'ll be in the bathrom, back again soon.“ He left as Yukio nodded. 

Rin couldn't help but stare at his reflection in the body-long mirror they had in the bathroom. A ghost, was the first thought he had. Pale, eyes a little reddend, dark circles underneath them even though he was sure he'd never slept so long and so often in such a short time in his life before. Sickly, and weak, was his next thought after taking a look at his arms and shaking hands – why was he shaking, he wondered? His legs were shaking, too, though he didn't think he would collaps anytime soon. He lifted his shirt up, only to see all of his upper body covered with so many bandages not a single speck of skin was visible. He noticed his upper body shaking now, as well, and he wondered why that was, too. His vision suddenly seemed blurry, but he still didn't feel like he'd collaps, and he wondered how many more things would be happening with his body that he didn't understand, and he took an other look at his face in the mirror, and his eyes went wide. There were tears streaming down his face, eyes leaking, a sob wrecking its way out of his mouth, body starting to shake more. Slowly he sank to the ground, rubbing his eyes with his hands, trying to stop the tears streaming out. 

„Wh- why...?“ More sobs shook his body, mixed with some coughing, first lightly then gaining strength, hurting his chest when he tried to hold them in. „What, nothing happened, why am I-“ His eyes found his body in the mirror again, found old wounds that didn't need bandaging anymore but were still visible, found old burnmarks from holy water that hadn't healed to the extent of not being visible at all anymore, reddened skin where scratches and other bruises had been. „Damn it...!“ No matter how hard he tried now, the tears wouldn't stop, not even with him using both hands to try to wipe them away now. „Damn it, why-!?“ He saw more reddened skin on his hands where injuries must have been at one point, though he couldn't remember what kind or because of what anymore. Why were there still traces left of these? Right, his healing ability hadn't been working for quiet some time now, and suddenly he remembered that he had been wearing more bandages the day before than today, and that he had indeed healed a little yesterday, and that that bit still hadn't been enough to get rid of the last traces and even less of the still somewhat fresher, more dangerous wounds on his body that were probably still half-open and needed bandaging. „I- this is ridicioulus...“ Breathing seemed so hard suddenly, loungs protesting, starting to hurt more. Whatever his brother had given him before to stop pain and his coughing, he wanted it again now. He knew he needed to calm down, but... A sudden urge to tear off the bandages overcame him, and he tried, but his hands still shook and they were secured as well on his body as he would have guessed it from Yukio, but he still didn't know what he was doing and why he was doing it, so-

„Nii-san!“  
„Wh-“ Two hands grabbed his, which had been tearing and pulling at the bandages, and held them securely, away from his body.  
„Nii-san, what's wrong? What- does it hurt? I'll take a look at them, so please, stop, you're going to hurt yourself-“ He paused, shocked, when his older brother looked up at him. „Nii-san, you're – what happened, why are you-“  
„I- don't know, I was just- the mirror, and somehow I was shaking, and there're old marks of injuries that I didn't think were there anymore but then I remembered I wasn't healing right and still am not healing right, and then somehow my whole body just started shaking but I didn't feel nauseaus and when I looked at myself for some reason I was just crying, but I don't know -“  
„Nii-san, Nii-san calm down...!“ Yukio let go of his hands, hugging the other, mindful of his injuries, as strongly and closely as he was able to.  
„Yukio, why am I like this? I- I don't get it, I've never felt like crying before, before any of this happened, and even then, this is the second time, and maybe I was tired and hurt the first time, but I'm awake and not half asleep now, so why- why am I...“ He stopped, realized if he didn't know probably his younger twin would not as well, but he was suprised when he did hear an answer.  
„Because you are awake now.“ Yukio started, holding him closer, if possible. „Yes, I noticed the first time you broke down a few days ago you weren't really aware of everything, you were still on a lot and high dosis of pain killers and other meds, you were half asleep and disoriented, but -“ He paused, sighing, shaking now as well. „You're awake now. You took a look at yourself. You... don't want to die. You realized... what we did to your body. To you. How bad we screwed up, how bad you had – have to suffer now because of it. All these injuries. They- they wouldn't be here, if only we – if only I had....!“ He knew he was crying now as well, and he hated himself for it because he was not the one hurting, it was not him, it was his older brother, Rin, he was the one who was hurting so why the hell did he have to be so pathetic?! „I'll take responsibility, I'll see to it you won't even be able to see any kind of mark left by any of these injuries, I'll make sure something like this never happens again, Nii-san... I'm so sorry, I know I've said it so often and I know it doesn't help you at all, but I'm so sorry.“  
„...Yukio..?“ Carefully, slowly, he lifted his arms, but let them hover shortly before they made contact with his brothers body. „Why are you crying now?“ A wobbly, hurt and confused smile was formed by Rins lips.  
„Because I'm this pathetic!“ Anger washed over him, as well as guilt, in strong, dragging waves. „You're the one suffering, you're the one – and I just...“  
„What, you feeling for me?“ He let his hands fall by his sides, deciding to not hug the other back. „Haven't seen you cry since...“ He trailed off. When had been the last time he saw Yukio cry, holding on to him as if he were his lifeline? When they had been small, very small, of course, but when? 

„I – It just hurts.“ Yukio interrupted his train of thoughts. „It hurts to see you like this. It started hurting the moment I realized how stupid all of us were, and right now it hurts so much because -“ 'strong, kind you broke down and realized what we did to you, and if even you broke down now, how could it not hurt ten – no, a hundret times more than before?' He didn't say that, and he was glad he didn't, because he realized it would not have been the truth. It had hurt this much all the time. Just now, when his strong, kind, caring, gentle brother broke down, he, too, had not been able to hold his emotions in any longer. Right when Rin probably needed him to be strong the most, he had failed. Or did Rin need him? He had said he did not want to trust him again yet, so maybe Rin would have gotten angry if he was to act strong? Then he realized he had thought the word 'act', so that would imply he would not have been honest with his older brother if he had kept his feelings inside of himself, and that would have been the exact opposite of what he had promised his older twin brother to do. To be honest. „I'm selfish like that.“ Yukio started, interrupting the silence that had settled between them, voice not shaking anymore but holding a coldness he hoped Rin knew was not directed at him. „I'm so selfish, so guilty and angry at myself, and I was worried about you too, so when I saw you here, I wasn't able to hold it back anymore. Because you, strong, kind, caring you, broke down, and to make you break down like this – it's not like I didn't realize it before, what I did, but this was the last straw to make me unable to hold back as well -“ He paused, shocked at himself. „No, maybe it's not even that.“ He chuckled darkly, at himself, discusted. „Maybe I just want you to tell me it's okay. Maybe I'm just so guilty, maybe I just want to force some sort of assurance out of you.“ His arms slowly slackened their hold on his brother, falling to his side, and he shook again with his discust of himself. „I really am selfish, and discusting-“  
„Yukio, what's this about?“ Rin didn't let him answer before he punched him, hard, making him fall back onto the floor of the bathroom. He had been able to calm down, had had to cough a lot, chest still hurting, but it was better now. He wondered if this was somehow connected to how emotionally riled up he was, but he decided he did not care for now. „You just said I'm the one allowed to feel bad, so why is it you talkingn like that!?“ Rin got up, towering above him eyes glinting in anger. „Also, you weren't the one who gave me a shower of holy water, and you weren't the one telling me to protect you or fight against demons on my own so I'd get hurt -“  
„I should have done something sooner-!“  
„And how often did we talk about that now!?“ Yukio shut up with that, and Rin used the chance to keep talking. „We had so many discussions about this, and I finally got that you regret things and understood you were wrong, and yesterday we agreed on having taken the first step – well, I mean we didn't really say it out loud, but what is this? Do you want me to get angry at you again, or to lose all of the little sliver of trust in you again?!“  
„Nii-san, no, I didn't mean it like this, I just-“  
„I get it. I... you were open with your feelings. I get that. But are you sure you weren't just open at the start and then started to just go deeper and deeper in some hole of guilt or something like that?“  
„...Hole of guilt?“ Yukio got up and grabbed tissues for them both, giving one to Rin.  
„Well, you know what I mean! When you try to understand something and just interpret way too much into it and take it to the wrong direction, that kind of hole – hey, are you laughing at me?!“  
„I- no I'm not, sorry.“ He chuckled. „I'm just so happy. This is...“ 'the first conversation where you lectured me like this we had in a way too long time.'  
„Well.“ Rin got what the other had wanted to say. What he had not said. „And... yeah. Maybe you're right. I think I finally understood what happenede to my body when I looked at myself.“ He looked at the mirror again. „And now I look even worse.“ He scratched his head. „But... you said we'll start anew. So... I'm sure, not too long from now, I'll be healing again. Maybe. Possibly. I- don't really know.“ His face went red when he saw the smile on his younger brothers face grow impossibly wide.  
„Yes, you will. No maybe's and possibly's. You will.“ He paused, bringing his own fist down on the top of his head, pain emitting from the spot he'd hit himself. „Thank you.“  
„Well, sure. Guess you were pretty caught up in some unnessesarry thoughts yourself.“ He coughed again, but it was more bearable.  
„Mh. I know I apologized a lot already, but sorry for being so stupid. ... Well, do you want to go back to our room or do you still have to do something here? I just came here because I heard your sobbing, and Uchobach probably already brought the food. Also, I need to change your bandages again. I... can tell you about your wounds, then.“  
„I'll just wash my face and then I'll be coming. And... You don't need to tell me about them. You're my doctor, so I don't think I should have anything to worry about.... right?“  
„Of course not!“ 

Rin watched his brother leave before he did what he said he'd do. The cold water on his skin felt good, got him to wake up more.  
'I don't feel like trusting you yet.'  
That's what he had told the other, and that's what he'd meant. So, he wondered, why had he practically just told the other he trusted him with his treatment, to make him get better again as long as he could still not heal himself?  
And Yukio had cried for him. Well, maybe for himself as well, there was no way he did not want Rin's forgivness and reassurance, so there was that, too, but he had felt his little brother had been mentally scarred by the realization of what he had let happen as well.  
And when did he stop doubting that Yukio meant everything he said and did not have any ulterior motives? When did he start knowing that Yukio was one hundred percent honest? It had only been yesterday when their last big discussion was, so what the hell was wrong with him?  
Well, family.  
Yukios honesty, leaking out through every word and gesture he said and showed, eyese open as books.  
Rin knew Yukio wanted his forgivness. He knew he wanted the old Rin back, he knew Yukio was as afraid of their way to becoming brothers again as he was.  
He splashed his face once more with water. This was ridiciolous. It was almost as if he knew they would be brothers again, as if he knew there would be nothing this bad happening again, as if he trusted.  
Trusted. He. Yukio. Trust.  
Some more cold water hit his face. He took a towel, dried himself and made his way back to their room. 

„Ah, Nii-san, Perfect timing. I think the brunch Uchobach made for us just cooled down enough to eat it without having to worry about burning our tounges.“  
„Ah, looks good!“ He sat down on the opposite of Yukio on the ground, where the food had been arranged. „...You'll be going out then as soon as you're done?“ Rin not-really questioned, noticing the other had already changed into his working clothes while he had been a little longer in the bath.  
„Yes, I need to. It is punishment after all. But I will take care of changing the bandages first.“  
„...I want to come along.“ He stated, without looking at the younger one and kept eating.  
„You – but Nii-san, are you sure? I know your injuries healed a little, but what if you aggravate them or they open again-?“  
„You mean what if I'm in your way?“  
„No.“ The denial was immediate, ice cold, and, most important, honest.  
„So would you let me come with you if I wasn't injured?“  
„You mean you'll heal yourself now?!“ Yukio almost sprang up with hope. „Yes, yes I'll take you along-“  
„I see.“ He interrupted the younger. „That's... a nice thing to know.“ A small, but honest smile graced his lips. „But I guess then this time I'll have to stay in bed.“  
„O-oh, I see.“ Yukio wasn't able to hide his disappointment at his brother not healing himself. „Uh, hey, do you have concious control over your healing?“  
„No.“ Rin took a fruit from his brothers plate, though Yukio did not protest. „I don't have a demon to teach me anything about powers like this. I mean, yeah, some can try to teach me to controll my flames, but even that doesn't work too well, because... no one really understands my power, or me, well enough. From the humans. Really, I never had a demon teacher as you know and I don't plan on getting one, but I think specific things like regeneration abilities would be tought better by one? Well, not that I would know, you know, but. Argh, somehow I forgot what I wanted to really say.“  
„Well,“ Yukio chuckled. „I get it, so don't worry.“ What worried him, though, was the 'no one understands me' that his brother probably uncounciously told him. „So, we're both done. Let me check your injuries.“  
Nodding Rin got up and sat on the bed, took off his shirt, and let Yukio do his work, still needing to cough quiet a few times. "Nii-san, you're grabbing your chest again - does it hurt?" Brows furrowed, he observed his brothers reactions. "It - yeah." He paused. "Well, I've been coughing a lot for a long time now, except probably when I was out cold, so I guess my chest just hurts from that..." "There is something more?" It was not a question, though it was formulated as one. "Well, I... get trouble breathing sometimes." "Since when?" "..." "Nii-san?" "It... a few months back. When... Do you remember that mission we did, with the woman and her two kids, where I ... destroyed a wall?" "Yes...?" He paused, eyes narrowing. "Since then...?" "Well, since before then, actually, just a few days before it was so bad I was sent to the nurses office during P.E. because I had a coughing fit, but..." "Nii-san, you should have said something if you were sick...!" "I... Back then, I was already..." 'In so much pain because of all of you, distrusted you without knowing,....' "I... I see. I guessed so. There was that mission we went on with the kids we needed to save - in the haunted house?" "Yeah, the one I got that gash from-" "What?!" "I-" "Nii-san, you- why didn't -" He interrupted himself, sighing. "I... I don't have enough time to talk about it now..." Glancing at the clock, he cursed under his breath. "But please..." "...Maybe." "All right." He finished his work, nodding. "You... Maybe you had a cold back then already." "The schools nurse said that wasn't it, and there was something wrong with my lungs, but the meds she said would probably help did not, so..." He coughed again. "Mh, you are a half-demon. This probably works different for you - I checked you many times lately, and I found that - of course - your immune system is down quiet a lot." "So..." He sighed. "I have an annoying cold, that won't leave until I'm better?" "Yes." He looked at him in sympathy. "I'll see what I can get for you, some medicin that works for you, hopefully. For now, you'll just ...have to endure a little. The fact that you get trouble breathing some times is probably the cold combined with all the other wounds." "..I guess..." He wasn't too sure of that, but he wasn't the doctor. "I can only guess, too. I'll take a more specific look at that when I'm back, I... I really hope I'm right and it's not something worse." "Me.. too." He smiled, a little, unsure. "...Nii-san..." He hugged the other, happy when it was returned hesitantly, the black tail wrapping around his hip. "I promised you'll get better so you will." "Yeah." Yukio knew this was hard for his older brother, but he also knew Rin would be fine for now. They'd made clear they'd started again, and he would not let something as stupid as an illness take his brother - he'd do anything to cure that. He made a note to himself that he would ask Mephisto about demon illnesses, to be able to help his brother more, since it was only logical that colds did work different for different beings. After waving his brother goodbye with a small smile, Rin pondered what to do. Having nothing better to do and feeling tired again anyways, Rin decided to just sleep some more. The coughs were still annoying him, even if they were few and had gotten rarer, but still. He decided he should just sleep out the cold and his injuries. He hoped sleep helped as well, since he really was getting annoyed by the coughing. He smiled a little when he realized he would not have cared for himself like that even a few days ago, and, he realized, things really were getting better. It was... a nice, even if uncertain feeling. He closed his eyes and decided to not think so much anymore.


	20. Experience the limits

Rin wasn't sure what had woken him up this time, and he strained his ears to hear anything giving a clue. There were footsteps outside of his room, though he pretty much immediately noticed they were not Yukios. They were lighter, more female, since he was sure those were heels hitting the floor he was hearing. 

He slowly got up, spotting his demon sword, taking it, preparing himself to fight if it was an enemy- and wait, why? Demons would not be able to enter the school unnoticed and at least Mephisto would be here if there was no one else available. No demon would make it as far as this place without a ruckus and since Rin didn't hear anything like that, this could not be it. 

There was a knock on the door, one he did not answer verbally, but the person did not seem to care and entered anyways. Rude, he thought. Who would just enter the room of someone else like that? Though, if the person was searching for Yukio because of some sort of emergency or work he had to do and wanted to make sure he wasn't just sleeping and didn't hear the knock- his thoughts were interrupted when he saw who had entered. 

Shura.

His skin started prickling, a few light coughs escaping his lips, and especially the still reddened skin where the holy water had burned him was itching so much he had to hold himself back from hugging himself and try to extinguish the feeling by scratching.  
He needed to compose himself, took a few deep breaths. He could do this. What? He wasn't sure, but he had to do this.  
Yukio wasn't here right now.  
And damn it, here he was, depending on his little brother. He needed to stop that - it should be the other way around. Trust was good, though, he decided begrudgingly.

„Rin, it's ya – so that's where ya been, I was searchin' for ya down where the nursery is, but no luck... Where's yer brother?“  
„Mission, some small demon in the woods nearby.“ Somehow, even though he knew it was just Shura, he could not relax. The demon sword was still securely in his hands, grip tight.  
„'s tha so.“ She scratched her head, sighing. „Well, 't's what he gets for not commin' ta school at all.“ She started walking towards him.  
„Well, he's not here, so what is it? I can tell him you were here, should I tell him anything else?“ He took a step back. He realised now, the way he was fretting - it was exactly because it was Shura. Because it was the one women who had - his skin was starting to itch more and more, phantom pains overtaking his body - Damn it. This wasn't happening. He needed to calm down again.  
„Nah, wasn't here for tha guy in the first place.“ She looked at him, openly, eyes determined. „I'm here for ya. Yukio's been forbiddin' all o' us ta see ya, sayin' somethin' 'bout ya not bein' well enough, but ya seem plenty healthy ta me.“ She paused. „What's goin' on?“ The question was asked carefully, like she was taking baby steps toward him - a farce, Rin thought. If she really felt the need to be careful and respect him, the state she had to think he was in now, then why was she being so forward?  
„What-“ She didn't know? His confusion caused the happyness of his little brother having protected him for probably a while now to be a fleeting, short feeling. „You don't get it...?“  
„I do. 's not like I dun get we didn't hurt ya. That's not the question I meant ta ask with that, I meant the fact that yer healthy. Guy told us ye were bad, unconcious most o' the time, so we couldn't come see ya. But yer up 'n about, an' Yukio seems to think yer well enough ta leave, so-“  
„Well then look.“ He pulled up his shirt, revealing the bandages. He lett it fall down, crumpling up his sleeves to show her the marks still visible from old injuries there. The still reddened skin. „...You know, I was in and out of it until now. Still am, always tired, always -“ He paused, noticing his voice had gotten cold. Didn't change it. „There are some marks that look like scratches – they were a lot deeper. And the red ones, the larger ones on my arms and my body, though they're covered right now – that's your fault.“  
„Rin, what-“  
„I want to know. How did you think throwing a bucked of holy water that strong over me would not leave marks.“ It was formulated as a question, but he was still cold. He felt his body shudder, felt his voice grow colder, and suddenly wished Yukio would be back already.  
„Because yer the son of satan.“  
„So that's your justification.“  
„'ts not ta say injuring ya was justified. Meaning, I hadn't thought it woulda hurt ya so much. Rather, I thought it wouldn' have any affect at all.“ Shura shuddered now. „Rin, look, I didn' mean ta hurt ya so bad, or ta make ya feel like that-“

A door falling closed interrupted her. 

„Nii-san, I'm back-“ Yukio started his greeting once he stepped inside their shared room, but paused once he saw Shura there. His gaze found his brother, sword clenched in one hand and looking towards the ground, shaking barely hidden, and then he let it drop on Shura, standing there somewhat stiffly, face pale, looking like she regretted something- which was fine, but not now. „I thought I told you not to come here.“ Yukio made his way over to his brother, standing in front of him in a way half-hiding him from Shuras view. „And I also thought I said I would tell you when it was fine to come.“  
„Yukio, ya said he is out all the time so we can't talk ta him- but he's up now, so-“  
„So what?“ He interrupted her. „Nii-san, do you want to talk to her yet?“  
„I...“ He breathed in deeply. No, he was not ready for this, he needed to answer but his throat seemed to close up -  
„He does not.“ Yukio spoke up again.  
„He didn't say a thin' -“ She stopped, watched as Rins black tail wrapped around Yukios wrist first, slowly more and more until his arm was warped with the tail, and Yukio tok a step sideways to fully hide his brother from view, as best as possible at least.  
„I ask you to leave. I don't think this is your decision. Do you...“ He breathed in and out deeply. „Do you care so little?“ His eyes were piercing, cold, and Shura thought he was ready to shoot her if she meant harm.  
„I don't. I'll be leaving, then.“ She paused just a moment before closing the rooms door behind her. „I'm sorry. Please, let me know.“ With that she left. 

 

„I'm sorry.“  
„What for, Nii-san?“ Yukio turned around to look at his older brother questioningly.  
„I... couldn't cope with this yet, and...“ he swallowed thickly, shaking his head.  
„It's fine. I'm sorry I wasn't able to stop anyone from coming here for longer.“ He paused. „But.. they don't fully understand yet. I mean, they do, what they did to you, they know,“ He saw Rins knowing look, he must have remembered his time in the hospital, apologies and presents every day – not the best way, really, but at least he understood with that. „but they don't know how you cope with these things, how much time you need, and they feel probably as bad as I do. They want to talk to you and apologize correctly, they realized their approach from before, presents and all that, was bad, so... well, not sure whether they know how to correctly do it now, but they're trying."  
„I... I think, maybe, I can get what you want to say, and maybe I can imagine them feeling like that,“ he knew Yukio knew how much Rin still doubted. „but I don't...“  
„Mh. The first step is us. No, the first step is done. Better. The second step is whatever you want it to be.“  
„No, the third step is deepening our trust and me healing again. Or... ist that two steps?“  
„Nii-san... Rin-nii-san...!“ Yukio was hugging the other again, happyer than in a long time. „Mh, like I said, whatever you want.“  
„Hey, hey, you're really touchy lately...“  
„Sorry.“ 'Says the one who doesn't even realise his tail has been tugging on me for a while now'. „Should I give you more space?“  
„...Nah, it's fine.“ a small, but genuine smile made its way onto his lips. 

They stayed like this for a small while, then had dinner.  
So he trusted his brother, maybe more than just a sliver. He trusted him to be honest, first, then to heal him and now to defend him from the others he still somehow did look at as 'enemies' – not ones to kill, like demons, but ones harming him and him unable to fight them because they were human and not evil to the core and he did not know what this train of thoughts was. It felt too heavy, suddenly.  
"Yukio..." he started, gaining the others attention immediately. His thoughts suddenly seemed too much, and he felt the need to let them of and talk about them else he would be squished by them. "I..." he paused, gathering his thoughts. He glanced over to his brother, seeing nothing but patience and concern in his eyes. "I don't understand why - I... can't deal with them, and it's so hard, because..." he paused again. "I don't know why and when, but... I started... to see everyone as an enemy." He noticed the other stiffening, continued to talk quickly. "I- I won't harm them - really, they're human, they're not evil, I would never -" he lost his train of thoughts, pausing, hands shaking. "Damn it, I don't even know why I'm suddenly telling you this, I just -" coughs shook his body, interrupting his rant. "I know, Nii-san. I know. Call down - it's fine. I'm just... sorry. I don't know... I have to think about how to best help you with that, about how to best make you feel safe again." Because he knew Rin could not be feeling safe with so many people the demon was sure would harm him. He wanted to ensure his Nii-san would be fine, if not friends with the others again then at least neutral. Yukio put an arm around his shoulders. "I... thank you. So much. For giving me a chance in again, so easily, even though you'd viewed me like that, too..." he hid his face in the others shoulder, shaking a little, but taking a deep breath and looking up, smiling. His brother had seen him as an enemy, but given him the benefit of the doubt, had called a truce for himself and even started to trusr him again. He was so happy with just that. "It's fine. It is. I can understand that. You don't have to be sorry at all. I'd be more concerned if you would still not see them as harmful, so it's okay. Nii-san, it'll be fine again. If not friends then at least in a neutral way. All right?" "Yukio." He was hugging the other now, tail around the others hip, drawing him close. He hadn't known how much that had weighed him down. "I... I'm not sure why, but... thanks." "It's fine, like I said, Nii-san. Please, it'll be all right." "Mh." Again, the two of them stayed like that for a while. Rin really hadn't known how much that thought had been weighing him down. He really hadn't known how it felt to talk to someone, how much better he would feel afterwards. He guessed it was fine. He'd found some small trust in Yukio again.  
And he'd practically been able to feel the happiness radiating off of the guy when he had admitted as much, when he had just talked to him. Well, that was... Something, he guessed, it made him feel a little happy too - along with Uchobachs and Kuros obvious happiness over his slowly but surely recovering. The food was exceptionally good, too, though he would not have thought Uchobach could surpass himself like this since it was always good.  
Maybe he could cook again as well, maybe make a bento for his brother again, since he decided for himself he would not be going to school for a while longer.  
He hoped, was sure, Mephiato would maybe help him a little while longer. He'd been star in behind him and helping him out since the time he'd started breaking down. The guy really knew just everything. Rin guessed he was still needed if he was even going as far as helping him. Yukio seemed to have read his thoughts, proposing he teach him whatever they were currently learning in school as well, since they were in the same grade that would work out perfectly, and he would talk to Mephisto about excusing Rin for a while longer as well. Rin just nodded and smiled gratefully, small but honest, and Yukio returned a big one, a happy one, and one Rin thought he would be happy to see more often, because Yukio and he had been so serious all the time lately that he missed light conversations like this. Also, he mused, he really was happy about the way the other was displaying his feelings so openly. He was happy when his younger brother started talking about the job he had had to do, how it went and how he was of course successfull. They continued talking like that for a while, until Rin got too tired and Yukio told him to sleep, promising he would do so himself after he just finished one more thing for the next day. 

 

„Guys, before we start the lesson today...“ Shura paused, looking at each of them. She could tell non of them had been sleeping all too well, the burden of their errors too big for kids their age, though after seeing Rin and Yukio like that she felt non of them, herself included, had the right to worry others and look like this. „I saw Rin.“ She observed the hope mirrored on each and everyone of their faces. „It's too soon. We did too much.“ She exhaled, face a guilty open book. „Yukio and he seem to be rekindling their bond. Slowly. Very, very slowly, and I don't think Rin is ready to deal with any of us yet, with more than one person.“  
Murmurs were going through the room, disappointed ones but also guilty and understanding 'I see's' and determined 'we'll wait's'. Well, she knew they meant it. She knew Rin would not believe them yet. She knew Yukio knew. She hoped he would help. She could understand if not.  
But they'd all do their best to right their wrongs and get back the important existence they all had aknoweledged way too late.


	21. Starting a mess

A train wreck, old, overgrown in the middle of a forest without any tracks in sight. Rin wondered why he was standing in front of it, how he even got there, but he decided he'd answer that question an other time. What he was seeing at that moment was far more important than any questions he would have about his own well being. 

The Esquires. Each and every single one of them was being killed off by a demon Rin couldn't see.  
And he could not move. 

“It's better like this, isn't it my prince?”  
“Wh- who's talking?!” Rin was looking around as much as he could while being restricted to a point he could not even turn his head. “Where are you, stop this, why are you doing this-!”  
“My prince, please. You do not remember what they did to you? There is no way that is the case.”  
“Stop it!”

Suddenly the scene around him changed. He had been able to move his body, had surged forward – only for the place to fade to black and him looking at the foot end of his bead, breathing hard, feeling sticky from how much he had sweated during that dream. A dream, he realised, thankful. 

“Nii-san, are you okay?” A groggy voice came from the other end of the room, and when Rin turned to look he saw his little brother putting on his glasses after rubbing his eyes and get up to make his way over to him.  
“Oh, Yukio...” Rin took a deep breath. “Sorry, did I wake you?”  
“It's fine, Nii-san. You had a bad dream, right?” He sat down on the bed, turning his upper body to look at the other. “You were screaming 'stop it', were you dreaming about...” 'One of the things one of us did to you, or you were fearing we could do to you?' Was the unsaid question Rin heard never the less.  
“No, I... Say, Yukio, the Esquires, are they...” He thought for a moment, going over the events in his dream. “Did they get a mission assigned lately?”  
“Hm? Nii-san, where is this coming from?” Yukio looked at him questioningly, and then carefully added, “I suppose you don't want to be cooped off in here after all, but considering your injuries, ...I could look for a light mission without too much danger for the two of us to take, but please bear with that for now – you should not stain your body too much...”  
“No, no, that's not what I meant to ask...” Though Rin was not able to hide the small smile on his lips, feeling happy that his brother would go that far for him, taking some small mission he could do by himself in his sleep just so he would feel less restrained because of his condition. He wondered whether Yukio would even let him have all the glory, though it wouldn't be much. “No, what I meant was...” The smile vanished, and the atmosphere turned darker than before. “I... I have a really bad feeling. I had a dream, there was an overgrown train wreck in the middle of nowhere, and the others were there – but they were all being killed, by some demon telling me it would be better like that – asking me if I forgot what they did to me when I told it to stop -” He paused, looking away from Yukios piercing gaze. “I know what you're thinking – you probably think I hate them so much by now that I want them to die so bad I dream about it, but it's not – I swear, it's not like that, I have a really bad feeling -”  
“Nii-san, that's not what I think.” Yukio interrupted him, making the other look at him in surprise. “What I do think, however, is that your dream may very well come true.”  
“What?! How – what do you mean-!”  
“Calm down, Nii-san.” Yukio straightened his glasses, closing his eyes. “I don't know about the location, or the circumstances of their possible murders, but I do know who you are – or rather, who the demons want you to be.” He looked at the other again. “The demon. It was calling you 'prince', right?” The shocked look in his brothers eyes told him the answer. “There is a strong possibility of a demon having noticed, maybe even witnessed some of the events that have transpired – how you were treated, what we did to you.” His voice was silent towards the end, Yukio feeling like a blade had pierced his heart – he had that feeling every time he thought about these things. But this wasn't the time to wallow in self pity, and the tail slowly wrapping around his middle in a comforting gesture made him feel like laughing. Who was the strong one here? No- had always been the strong one? “Anyways,” he continued. “the possibility of a demon taking revenge for his hurt prince is not small at all.”  
“But then – we have to warn them!” Rin exclaimed, jumping out of the bed, tail untangling from his brother, showing Yukio that he had once again not noticed his own actions. It was quiet amusing, and gave him a lot of hope as well. “We can't let them die-”  
“Nii-san, sit back down.” He carefully pushed the other back onto the bed, quickly grabbing a bottle of water and giving it to the other to drink since he once again had a coughing fit. “It's four in the morning, there is no way we are going to the others' dorms now.” He rubbed the others back slowly, helping him calm down again. “Listen. I will go to school tomorrow, look whether they did get some missions assigned, and if they did not I'll even look through the register and confirm whether there are any missions involving a place even remotely the same you described to me. In the meantime, please, Nii-san...”  
“Yukio?” Rin looked over to the other again after having calmed down, questioning the others silence.  
“Just stop worrying about everyone so much.” He paused, laughing, sadly. “They – we did so much to you, and yet here you are, worrying and ready to jump to save the others from even the chance of even the smallest injury.” He sighed, smiling sadly. “If it weren't for your gentleness, then I wonder what I could have even done to remotely get you to even look at me again – I guess I should be grateful for it, but still..”  
“Well, that's who I am.” There was no hesitation in that statement, voice firm, eyes hard. “I had decided, back then. That everything was fine as long as everyone was alive...”  
“Nii-san, you really need to be more selfish... At least sometimes.” 'Like now, when you're still hurting but still caring at the same time, both of it so much-'  
“Well, there's something for you to teach me. Can't guaranty it will ever work, though.” He grinned, laughing lightly.  
“Yeah, you're a lost cause...” Yukio shook his head, patting his shocked brothers head, and wished him a good night, telling him to sleep some more. The smile the other wore after was definitely worth it. 

 

Yukio did as he had promised the other during the night. As soon as they were done with breakfast he made his way to school, and when the time for cram school started he went to make his way there. 

The others would undoubtedly ask why he was there, whether he finally brought the good news of allowing them to see Rin, whether he was fine, or whether there were bad news, like Rin having decided not to want anything to do with them after all. 

He was lucky that the first class they had was with Shura, that way he didn't have to go all around and search for her only to inform her of possible dangers as well.  
He was right, he mused, since as soon as he entered the room all eyes were on him – fearful, hopeful, questioning.

“I'm not here to talk to you about my brother.” He started, disappointment as well as anger visible in the others eyes. “Not about you meeting him or telling you about him, anyway. These things are still out of question. There is, however, one thing I will tell you regarding him.”  
“Well, out with it already, Yukio!” Shura was fidgeting, as were her students in their seats. “C'me on, some good news, at leas tell us his injuries healed-”  
“They did not. Not after everything that happened. But this is about all of you-”  
“He hates us, doesn't he? We did it, we -” Shiemi was crying already. “No, please let me at least apologise correctly, even if he still hates me after-”  
“This is not what this is about as well.” Yukio interrupted her. “Just listen already, and be quiet.” He did not have the nerves to deal with things like this right now. He was here to calm his brother, to reassure him, and to hinder unnecessary deaths – not to heal their guilt. “Nii-san is the 'prince of demons' – in their eyes, at least. You all know that. So, what if one of them noticed what we were doing to their precious prince?” He paused, letting the info sink in. “I'm just here because of my brother. He had a dream – thinking about it, it might have been no natural dream, since his senses are a lot higher and I can imagine he does have a sixth sense for dangers like this. He has a really bad feeling about it, and over the years I learned to not just ignore that.” He looked at each of them, wondering how all of them were feeling – would be feeling when he finished telling them. “You all were killed. You got a mission leading you somewhere – a train wreck in the middle of nowhere, in his dream – and all of you were killed. Apparently the demon told Nii-san it would be better like that.”  
“Wait, Yukio, what are you telling us right now?!”  
“I'm here to confirm some things. First of all, whether you did get assigned a mission, whether it be in a place like that or in the middle of a town. Second, did any of you have the feeling of being followed, or something being strange?” He continued, ignoring Shura.  
“W- we didn't get a mission assigned lately, and there wasn't anything strange...” Izumo stuttered, face pale, confused. She looked over to others, meeting their eyes, and all of them shook their heads.  
“I see.” He closed his eyes. “Well then. I will be confirming things with Mephisto, and I will take a look at the list of missions currently available. If there is a mission like that, I oversaw it and you get asked to take it, then don't.”  
“Wait, Yukio!” She grabbed his arm, hindering him from leaving. “What is this about? Why are you here, talking about a dream -”  
“You do not know my brother as well as I do.” He looked at her, gaze piercing. “He would never dream about someone being killed like that – no matter how much he hates them, whether they're an enemy or not. Rin is far to gentle for that – in fact, so gentle, when he woke up from that dream the first thing on his mind after me telling him that the possibility of a demon taking revenge was very real was to jump up and go find each and every single one of you just to warn you.” He closed his eyes again, feeling Shuras grip loosen, then falling off of him completely. He glanced over, meeting the eyes of the students. “He does not think fond of you right now. His injuries still hurt – he would be in a lot of pain every day without medication. He's sick, and no one can find the cause for it. He still distrusts you. But he also had decided, back when all of this started, that he would be fine as long as all of us were alive. My brother never cared much about how much he got beaten up, as long as he would be able to protect. He doesn't want any of us to die, he never did.” He turned to leave, walking toward the door. “So much, I'm sure if I wouldn't have promised him to check on all of this, if I wouldn't be here right now, then he would be standing here. Injuries and distrust aside, he'd never let you die. He's just that gentle.” 'Even though he does see you as enemies right now', was something he did not say out loud. He knew he had said enough, since before he closed the door, he was able to hear the beginning of some of them sobbing. “

Checking the register for missions was taking a long time. He would rather be by his brothers side right now, but there was no way for him to not do this, what with how worried the other would be. He wished he would be able to dump this on Mephisto – protecting his students was his job, after all, but the demon was nowhere to be found at the moment. Really, at times like these. Though, he mused, he couldn't really think like that. All of his actions were based on his brothers gut-feelings, not on facts. This wasn't really an emergency at all, and he supposed the note he had left on the principals' desk would be enough. 

His thoughts wandered back to the Esquires. It was hard to think they did any sort of lesson after that, rather they probably all went through hard feelings of guilt. He felt sort of bad for worsening it, but he was also glad they finally woke up, understood, and would probably grow from this. If they went through it right now, it would be easier for all of them when they finally did meet his brother again. They would be able to cope, he hoped, and the burden on his brother would be lighter if he wouldn't have to deal with that high amount of guilty people. 

He shook his head. Again, his mind seemed to think about things at the wrong time. Trying to concentrate on the task at hand again, planing to finish fast to be able to get back to his dorm already, he tried throwing himself back at his work – only suddenly there was a hand covering his whole face, coming from behind, and an arm around his middle binding his own arms to his sides- strength he did not think was human pulled at him, and when he further tried to fight back something hard hit his head. Darkness crept over him, and his last thought was that he hoped his older brother would be fine, that nothing would happen to him until he managed to free himself, get back to Rin and defend him from whatever would possibly attack him. He hoped the enemy was a demon that thought of Rin as their prince, and that they would not dare lay a hand on him. 

 

“Yukio is late.” Kuro noted, looking at the clock and back to the now cold plate of food that had been placed where the younger of the brothers would usually sit opposite of his older twin.  
“I guess there are a lot of requested missions to go through, or maybe they did get one assigned that could end like in my dream and now they have to somehow manage to be able to not do the mission -”  
“Rin, you're ranting.” Kuro looked at him, before observing Ucobach take the empty as well as the full plates, cleaning one and preparing the other to be edible when Yukio would come.  
“I made more work for him again.” He coughed, feeling guilty. “I always do, and I know he does it for me, but he can't like it...”  
“Well, he's your younger brother. No one likes work, but it's like you said. You asked him, that's all the reason he needs to do it.” Kuro grinned, as best as he could. “Cheer up, and don't forget to take your medicine!”  
“Yeah, yeah,...” He got up, walking towards his room. There was no way he could forget taking it – the pain slowly starting to flare up in his body again and the coughing becoming more constant as the minutes went by weren't something he couldn't notice. Taking the pills Yukio would scold him if he forgot them he sat down on his chair by his desk, watching Kuro take a seat where Yukio would normally be in his chair. “I just- the feeling I've had since this morning, that really bad one telling me something is wrong – it's so strong now, I think I need to ….” What? He didn't even know where any of the others were, where his brother was, what he was supposed to do. What that feeling was even warning him from. 

“Well well, here I am after seeing the note asking me to come by, and where would your younger brother be?” A cloud of pink smoke, the sound of feet hitting the ground, and Mephisto was standing in the middle of the room. “Good evening, Okumura-kun.”  
“M-Mephisto, what-” Rin jumped up, coughing, surprised. He felt observed, and when he looked back at the older demon a pair of eyes, piercing and seeing far more than he probably knew were scanning him up and down. “What is it? Why are you here?”  
“Well, it seems there was an important matter your younger brother had to discuss with me, but I have not been here on the school grounds until a few minutes ago.” Mephisto seemed to be done with looking him up and down, though he did not seem satisfied. “He left me a note, though this time it seems to be him who is not here.”  
“Well, if he wanted something, then that's probably because of my dream, and I think Yukio is probably still checking mission requests....”  
“Hm?” Rins statement seemed to have piqued the others interest. “Tell me, what are you talking about? What 'dream'?” 

The way the other had said the word told Rin the demon suspected it to be more than just a dream, and his gut feeling worsened more and more with every word he told the other. Did he know something was happening? They were his students, he couldn't let something happen to any of them! The older demons eyes were shadowed by his hat, and after Rin finished his story he sighed. 

“I have to inform you about something. Shortly before I came here I was at the place you suspect your brother to be at.” He looked at the younger, eyes dark. “He was not there. I also need to tell you that there is indeed a mission like that I was going to assign to the class, though that is out of the question now.”  
“What?! So you mean, this really could have -” The older Okumura couldn't really believe his dream was that real.  
“There is one more thing you need to know.” Mephisto started, looking him straight in the eyes. “Normally I would still not be here, since the meeting I was supposed to be at is still going on right now. The reason I am here is a breach in security.”  
“Wh- no, you don't mean-” No, not after he had finally, finally started to trust again, to accept this, to just feel good being with his little brother again, - there was no proof, this meant nothing-  
“A demon entered here. I thought your brothers note had something to do with it, which is why I came here without too much of a delay, but this seems to be more serious than I thought.”  
“Yu...kio...” Rins eyes were wide, hands shaking, thoughtless reaching for his sword and clutching it.  
“Listen, Okumura-kun.” Mephisto started, looking at some notes. “The breach was on the east side – the place mission requests are looked over before being approved for our students to take – and it soon after closed again. I can not tell whether or not the demon is still here or not, though me not feeling its presence does not have to mean too much. I will order a search party to look for the enemy, and only if Okumura-sensei is in its fangs, we will free him, so you need to-”  
“Yukio...!” Rin was up, out of the window and out of sight in a heartbeat.  
“Okumura-kun-!” Mephisto looked, wide eyed. “...I should have figured.” He mused, grinning. He knew exactly how good a demons gut feeling could be, how much one could rely on it. “Well, time to try to hold damage to a minimum. Starting with alarming them and having them finally do something useful.” A squeal on his shoulder that sounded like a confirmation made him chuckle. “Well, maybe that'll be a start for them. If they don't mess up.” He paused, sighing. “My my, aren't I so generous lately. I hope they will never forget that. What a mess.” With that, he left.


	22. More tiptoeing - but too fast?

Rin was running, and running, and he wasn't even sure where he was going at this point.

Yukio was missing. 

He had that dream, and he asked Yukio to please investigate it – or rather, Yukio did it so Rin wouldn't overexert himself, and he wouldn't have to face the others yet. And now he was missing. He was sure that is what’s happening. What else could the bad feeling in his gut be? With the way Mephisto spoke and the way Yukio was nowhere to be found, that has to be it.

“Rin!” 

He stopped, glancing to where the call of his name came from. 

Shura. Not only was she there, but all of the other esquires as well. All of them had their weapons ready; their stances showing how alert they are.

“Rin, ya searchin' fer Yukio as well?” Shura called, carefully thinking over what to say before speaking again. “Mephisto informed us! We're out searchin' fer him and whoever managed to get on school grounds, so if ya find anythin', and it's still ta mach fer ya, then just use yer fmales for a signal, got it? We wanna find Yukio as well, and not let the intruder do too much harm!”

He didn't answer her – he felt that he couldn't. Instead, he turned around and left.

Yeah, they want to help Yukio. He could believe that, and he could believe that they wanted to protect the school and the people within. Maybe if the enemy really was too much for him he could do what she said; call them to save his younger twin.

Because even if he didn't know whether he could trust them again or not, and saw them as enemies right now, Yukio was so much more important, really, it doesn’t matter to him if he needs them to defeat whoever was threatening his younger twin brother.

 

“Wait, Shura, why didn't you tell him to go back and leave all of this to us?” Shiemi questioned her, slightly angry. “He's still injured, Yukio told us that, so why-”

“'Cus he wouldn' listen.” She interrupted her. Sighing, she started to walk away and resume the search.

“But-”

“She's right, Shiemi.” Izumo spoke up, laying one hand on her shoulder. “He doesn't trust us. That's something Okumura-sensei told us as well. So, if we tell him we want to protect him as much as we want to protect our sensei, with the condition he is in now...”

“Damn it all.” Bon clenched his fists. “They're all friggin' right. We injured 'im, to a point he hasn't even fully healed yet, an' before we were even able ta talk ta him we wanna make 'im believe we wanna protect 'im?!”

“Even I can see how stupid tha' is...” Shimura sighed, shaking his head. 

“So we really gotta wait, dun' we...” Koneko’s eyes clenched shut. He had been the one most afraid and unable to deal with the truth of who Rin was at first. He felt that, really, he didn't have any right to feel as guilty as he did. “If only I woulda been able ta deal better, 'n faster, then maybe...”

“Shaddup,” Shura interrupted the teens, sensing the guilt already thicken so much it was as if the atmosphere could be cut. “Playin' at who's ta blame ain't helpin' us here, not even a lil'. Get back ta work, and show 'im step fer step. An' then we're talkin'.” She turned, making her way to the area she was assigned to search and noticed the others finally doing the same.

Although, she wasn't completely certain who she had just berated there.

 

“Damn it...” Yukio cursed. “This isn't what's supposed to be happening right now!”

He really has been careless. He didn’t notice a demon slipping in through security, missed it creeping up behind him, and did not notice it preparing to get him until it was too late. So here he was, bound to a tree in the middle of some woods that looked like a train wreck completely overgrown in view.

He is sure he is still on school grounds, though.

He doesn’t recall ever seeing a place like this before.

“Prince, oh, my prince, yes, come closer to me...” 

“Leave! Nii-san has the right to decide what to do with who on his own, and how to react to things, and-”

“Silence!” The demon shrieked. It didn't look quite as Rin had described it from his dream, but it was imposing – one eye in the middle of its head, a thin, skeleton-like body on which there are a few patches of fur on skin, and hands with claws twice the size of Yukio’s own head. “My prince doesn't realise – he doesn't – just how easy it would be to get out of all of this, away from the pain and the agony and all of those enemies around him!” Teeth were bared, a manic glint in its eye. “I'll show him. I'll execute them! Right in front of his eyes! And then he'll realise just how much better he will feel!”

“Damn it...Mh-?”

 

An illusion, Yukio realised it now. The demon, captured in its own world, lost control over the illusion for just one second. Enough for the trained Exorcist to notice the overgrowth quickly flicker out of and into existence.

This trap was more elaborate than he thought. If this phenomenon had been seen multiple times in different places, then it could be the work of a lowly demon wanting to lure in victims with petty tricks like this. That could be a mission worth assigning the esquires. Not too hard and not too easy, right at their current level.

Or rather, they are the only ones worth sending to investigate something as unimportant with a difficulty as low as this.

That’s what they would think, anyway, because usually demons as high a level as this one would never resort to tactics that are so easy to see through.

Whoever sent out this mission and went over the information must have been an absolute idiot to not notice.

 

“I will not-” A sword, blue flames, crashed down on the previously laughing demon. “Think that way!”

“Nii-san!” Yukio tried to free himself of the bindings holding him to the tree again, but he wasn't doing a stellar job. “Nii-san, what are you doing here?! Go, leave – this is a trap, and all it wants is to kill us, so if you're here-”

“But I can't call anyone else!” Rin jumped, putting distance between him and the demon that managed to block his attack. “If I do, then the dream I had – this doesn't look exactly like it, but-”

“Still!” Yukio cursed. Here he was, endangering his brother yet again, and he had been too stupid to avoid doing so. Why was he always doing this? Rin was the one who needed to be looked after, not him- “Nii-san, you're still injured. If it gets you, even without killing any of us, if it drags you to Gehenna, then what am I supposed to do?!” 

“Well...”

 

He smiled, but didn't answer. Yukio had to get that he needed him, right? Rin had admitted that much to himself, forgave him, started trusting only him, for now, so if he wasn't there anymore, then how was he supposed to heal and deal with everything all on his own?

How was he supposed to forgive himself if his younger twin died? If he could have done something to save him? Or if he was just too cowardly and let himself be held back by his injuries and some stupid sickness?

 

“Ni!”

“There we go-!”

“Start the Sutra!”

“On myou gara...”

“Hya!”

 

Rin dodged the demon’s counterattack - why the hell was it still calling him prince, even while attacking him? - and made his way over to his ensnared brother.

 

“How did all of them get here? How do they even know where we are...?” Rin started slowly, carefully burning the restraints. “What if they end up getting killed now after all...?”

 

Yukio didn't answer and smirked, pretending not to notice the residue of pink smoke in one of the trees. Their director could be a pain, but right now he was just thankful. He observed them fighting; if they arrived here separately, then maybe they would have had a difficult time. But with all of them here, at once, the demon didn't stand much of a chance. Attacks were blocked, blows dealt. Honestly, his Nii-san's worry wasn't groundless, but he did overdo it every once in a while.

Finally, the restraints were off and he wasn't bound to the tree anymore.

“Thanks, Nii-san. And...” He paused for a moment, thinking. “Your flames must have alerted them, right?” He answered, loud enough for the others to hear.

If Mephisto didn't want Rin to know, and the demon thought the rest of them were worthy enough to try and take a first step to regaining his trust, then he'd give them that opportunity, too. They could decide what to do with it in the end.

“Yes, Koneko, your Sutra is really weakening it!” Izumo smirked, sending her demons to protect Shura from an attack from the side and creating an opening for her to strike.

“Ni, we're helping too!” Shiemi let her own demon lose as well, having it hold onto the enemy.

“Heh, this is perfect!” Shura used that opportunity, getting a direct hit and slicing it in half.

“Here we go, this is it-!” Bon and Koneko had both finished their Sutras, adding to the damage the demon received, making its upper body fall to the ground and slowly start to fade away.

“Ha, we did it- though I didn't do that much, but...” Shima scratched his head, only having blocked one attack directed at his Sutra chanting companions.

“This was a team effort. Don't sell yourself short.” Shiemi smiled.

“Wait.” Shura's call silenced all of them, and everyone turned to see Rin turn to leave. “Are both of ye all right?”

“I'm fine. Was just careless,” Yukio answered tersely. He felt his brother’s uneasiness, felt that he wanted to leave, and he didn't want to keep him here any longer than needed. “Nii-san didn't get a scratch from that demon. You were here quite fast.”

“Ya.” Shura nodded, sighing. “Sadly, it wasn't yer flames that alerted us though. Mephisto did. We were assigned to search the opposite direction.”

“We're sorry.” A chorus of apologies was heard.

 

Why were they apologising? Rin had to wonder sometimes. He neither needed nor wanted their apologies, so they should just be quiet and leave this place already. He noticed when he turned around, the illusion was still there along with the demon, though it was only an upper body now. It was moving. extending its hand towards him- 

 

“Okumura! Look out!”

Bon moved quickly, glad when he realised he had indeed made it in time to stand between the demon’s goal – somehow Okumura-sensei was right there in front of Okumura as well, that was their sensei - and the attack it had fired. Since when could they extend their claws like that? Okumura was about fifty meters away from the dying creature and he was about thirty away? Damn, they just had to go and learn new tricks to make their exorcising more taxing, didn't they...

“Bon!” 

“It's still moving!” 

 

A gunshot, and then silence. Bon felt the pressure on his back leaving. Yukio always did hit his target.

 

“I would have healed.”

“Hah?” He looked up, didn’t even realize he had been staring at the ground before, to see the older Okumura stand in front of him about a meter away, eyes shadowed, body stiff, no emotion showing through his voice. “Would'ya now?” He coughed, and something warm was flowing down his back and chin, even though he silently cursed in his mind, this was more important. “Ya dun seem like ya would.”

“There's hardly anything that can kill me.” 

“We almost did, though, and if we can believe yer brother there, then ya still didn' heal from tha'. Listen, and listen closely.” Bon coughed once more, and there were voices calling his name and the sound of quick steps getting closer, but he didn't care for that very much. “I was the one who told ya ye could come an' count on us, an' tell us if ya need anything, because we're friends.” He coughed again, but didn't let himself stop. He needed to say this. Even if Rin wouldn't believe him. “I was one o' those who showed ya that wasn't true 'cause o' some shitty lineage that doesn't even define who ye are.” He was slowly losing strength, slowly sinking to the ground. “I really, really... wanna make up fer bein' tha' stupid.” He was getting increasingly more quiet towards the end. “'Cus I did... so many things... to a friend... 'm sorry, Okumura...” 

 

Rin didn't move and watched on as Shima caught Bon before he hit the ground. The others are calling his name, Shiemi using Ni and other herbs she had to help, Shura is sending Konekomaru to get help together with Izumo immediately.

 

“Nii-san.” Yukio observed his older brother carefully, placing a hand on his shoulder, he worried he wasn’t able to read what the other was feeling. 

“That was stupid.”

“Not for him.” 

“If he hadn’t been hit, you would have.”

“Yes.” Of course that would have been the case. Seeing his older brother get hurt? He'd had far enough of that. “Nii-san.”

“I'm...” He paused, listening to the others’ conversation, hearing an annoyed Bon telling the others it wasn't as bad as it looked and the commanding tone of Shura tell the others to calm down because his life really wasn't in danger. Rin threaded a hand through his hair, eyes not shadowed by them any more but completely void of emotion. “I'm going home.”

“All right.”

 

Yukio let his hand rest on the other’s shoulder while they turned and made their leave, only looking back shortly to catch the other’s eyes. Bon’s eyes, who seemed like he was glad his older brother was fine. All of them looked like they wanted to say more, none of them looked angry, though.

Yukio was glad they understood that Rin needed time right now.

Who he once thought was an enemy had almost lost his life protecting him, after all, even if they didn't know that's how he felt. 

At least they understood. And they finally got the opportunity, and took it, to take the first step, no matter the circumstances.

He focused on his older brother again, feeling Rin’s tail wrap around his hip and upper body, strengthening his grip on his shoulder. No, he didn't need to forgive them or stop seeing them as enemies just yet. 

Yukio was there for him, would be even if he never forgave anyone else, even if he never allowed them to be his friends again. He hoped Rin knew that. By the way the appendage still clung to him by the time they reached the dorms, he felt he did.

So that was alright.

If he at least knew that they indeed did have non-evil intentions toward him, contradicting what he had thought for a long while now, then that was good enough.

 

That was the first step.


	23. Resolve

The scene of Bon throwing himself on front of him and the attack replayed before Rins eyes over and over again as soon as he closed them. He supposed he should be thankful, especially because if Bon hadn't decided to do so then Yukio would have been hit, and what the hell were all of them thinking?

He finally decides to trust Yukio again so he couldn't just go and risk himself being injured or worse, because then Rin wouldn't have anyone anymore and that would be just too much. 

He finally decides that he couldn't trust yet and that talk of the others were still his enemies so they couldn't just protect him like that, because Rin wouldn't be able to tell whether he was right about it anymore or not and that would just be too much as well. 

He sighed. He felt his brother staring at him throughout the meal, knew the other wanted to ask but didn't because all of it had just happened a day ago and not even Rin himself knew whether he had anything to really say about all of it yet. 

 

Bon.  
The first one who looked like he wanted to hit him for taking on burdens by himself.  
The first one who looked like he wanted to kill him after he found out who he was.  
The first of the esquires to say something after all of what happened he had to seriously think about. 

Rin had seen and felt the sincerity of what Bon had told him, in his eyes, actions, voice, not the smell of a lie.  
He kind of hated himself for missing the way thinks had been before, for missing the warm feeling he got from having friends for the short time it had lasted before it had all gone downhill.

 

"Nii-san." Yukio started. "Don't think about it." He chuckled a little because of the confused face the older made. "You don't usually ao don't start now, all right? I've wanted to say this for a while now." He paused, smiling. "You aren't dumb. Well, your grades do let room for improvement-" he ignored the protest he got with a playful smirk. "But you're not dumb. You notice a lot. And you act if there is anything you can do. And you do it without thinking."

"...I know I destroy a lot-" 

"That's not what this is about Nii-san!" Yukio shook his head, now serious expression in place. "You save others, not destroy without reason. I know that. It's only the higher-ups who don't. Though this isn't what this is about. I'm talking about your actions towards other people. Even if they don't think you do, you pick up on someone feeling down and do just whatever you feel like. For the other persons sake." He held his brothers gaze, unrelenting, serious, as sincerely as he was able to convey it even though he thought he really needed to learn to do a better job with that. "You do that for others. So do it for yourself. Do what you feel like doing, what you feel good like doing, and don't think about it too much. There are things that don't change no matter how much you think about it. There are things no use thinking about."

"So... You're saying I'm thinking too much?" Rin chuckled, slightly, but honest. "Coming from the one always telling me to think more before acting?" 

"Well, I never thought I'd be telling you of all people something like this as well." 

Both of them chuckled now, amused, until a comfortable silence settled between them during which they both finished their meals.

"I'm... Happy I decided to trust you again." 

"Nii-san?"

"No, it's just... hey, let's go to the hospital." Rin shook his head at the concerned stare he got from his brother and the starts of wanting to check him over because of his injuries again. "Not me. ....Bon's there right? It didn't seem like it was too dangerous, but..."

"..." Yukio stared at him, intensely, and then nodded. "All right. But be honest with me. Even if it's not verbal, give me a sign all right?" He received a nod and the two got ready for a visit.

 

"-ly, so reckless, I can't believe-"  
"Shut up, I-"  
"-get it. We do-"

The voices of all esquires were slowly getting clearer the closer they got to Bons room. Yukio lightly touched his brothers shoulder, looking at him with warning and concern, saw Rins knowing gaze and gave way for him to lightly knock on the door before opening it and entering after they were asked to come in.

By Bon. So he really waa all right again. Not unconscious or, worse, dead after all, Rin thought.

 

The room fell silent as soon as the twins entered. 

"Well," Rin started. "I guess you're too stubborn to die." He paused. "That's good, I suppose." He knew his voice was neutral, not telling them his emotions, and his expression and lack of gestures made sure to do the same.  
"Rin." Bon acknowledged, expression unreadable as well.

Rin felt his head starting to hurt, but he also felt the solid and reassuring presence of his brother behind him. He was thankful the other hadn't said anything yet and waa keeping quiet. He himself didn't really know what he wanted to do or what he needed, so he wanted to try this out, and Yukio seemed to know. He didn't stir any kind of conversation in any direction and left things as neutral as possible by not showing any emotion because of which the others could have become cautious as well. He only shot people beside Bon a look when they looked like they wanted to do or say something. 

Right. At the moment, this was because and about Bon. Rin could tolerate the others being there for now as, right now, unrelated presences. He was grateful his brother seemed to know more than one at a time was still too much though. 

 

"Well, I can't die yet." Bon grinned, but he also showed seriousness.  
"You have a dream and goals after all." Rin crossed his arms in front of his chest.  
"Well, I could leave tha ta ya an' yer brother," Bon stretched a little as he sat up from his previously lying position on the bed he currently occupied at the hospital. "But more than tha' I'm a man who hates leavin' things undone an' regrettin' sumthin'," he paused, grin vanishing, shoving all of his emotions in his voice and eyes and hoped it would be fine. "So I really wanna talk before tha'. An', ya know." He paused again. Please don't let this be too much, or to little, please don't let this make him take the first step he had finally been able to take go back. "I wanna overcome my own stupid self an' get a friend back I realised far ta late I hurt faar ta much." 

Silence fell over them. Rin didn't let anything show on his face, until he looked like he remembered something, looked back to his brother, narrowed his eyes and nodded to himself. Yukio hadn't given even one gesture.

"I almost started thinking again." Rin started. "I decided I'd try something else though." Before Bon could ask what he waa talking about Rin let his gaze wander around the room, lookih at all of them shortly before landing on Bon again and talking "I want to do and say what feels right and not lose myself in thoughts. So I'll say this. Only for now." 

He took a deep breath, and the esquires could observe his tail draping around Yukios wrist. Rin waa coughing for a moment, turning away and hiding his expression, but suppressed more. Yukio was observing him a little worried, and they wondered whether he was sick. Whether it was really bad.

"I was afraid of trusting my brother again because I was afraid of being... tossed again." He didn't look at them, he didn't show any sort of weakness, still emotionless and with a matter-of-fact tone. "I started seeing everyone as enemies at one point. Him too. And still, now I'm glad I decided to trust again because I figured I really want to live and have people close to me and be a big brother again. Because I don't really want to be alone. Because... it's warm. Yukio did the first steps and made an opportunity for me to start thinking like this and believing again." he paused, turning, and there was eye contact between the brothers which seemed to say more than words. Both of them started turning to leave. "Maybe you are an enemie as well. But maybe you also took the first step the other way. So maybe, someday, somehow, I'll start thinking like that about you as well. That's... what I felt like saying without thinking right now. So I said it. And maybe I'll feel different again in a few minutes, maybe not. So don't think about it too much. It probably didn't make any sense anyways." 

Rin had reached the door and started to open it, turning to look at the other one last time in a good bye for now, and saw tears streaming down Bons face. A look around showed unshed tears in the others eyes as well. He froze, and then Yukio gave him a slight push, and then they left. 

Rin wasn't sure whether the silent, shaky 'thank you' he thought he heard had really been spoken or not.

 

Yukio hadn't thought this waa how it would turn out, but he was happy. More than just a little. He himself had to work hard to not show anything, after what his brother had said about him and after what he had told Bon. He'd practically told the other boy that there was a chance. For mending. An open way the other just needed to continue onward on. And Yukio was only starting to be more and more happy the more time passed after their visit and the more he realised Rin would not start regretting his actions because they were a momentary thing. They clearly weren't, if his small smile and unclouded eyes were anything to go by.

His big brother would have friends again.  
His big brother was getting better.  
His big brother would not go through anything bad again, he would make sure of it.

Yukio halted in his steps when his brother did, who was leaning over slightly, coughing more and more by the second, hand covering his mouth and hugging himself with the other. 

"Nii-san, are you-" he clearly wasn't all right, what a stupid question. "Come, we'll sit down over there, it's secluded and there's no one there so you can take your time to relax-" 

"-kio...it's-I'm-" 

"Nii-san, what is it? Calm down, let's wait a bit, take deep breaths and then tell me-" Yukio was silently panicking. He made sure not to show it because right now he was sure that wouldn't help, but he didn't know what to do. The coughing was getting worse even though he made sure his brother took the medicine every day, so this shouldn't be happening, and he looked like he was in way too much pain for it to be normal.

"Do you...think this- is something I..." he was interrupted by hia coughing again and again, unable to calm, and the words were spoken with great effort. "I did to myself as well-?" 

"Nii-san-!" Yukio waa there to catch him immediately, slowly sinking to the ground with his still shaking brother. "Nii-san, what is it- you need to tell me what's wrong and how you feel so I can do something- please-!"

"I... don't..." 

"My," Rin heard a voice not belonging to his brother, but his brain wasn't working right anymore. His cheat and body hurt, he was wrung out from all he did today, what happened, emotionally, and he slowly started to welcome the darkness. "I noticed something, but that it would be like this... Maybe the esquires get a chance to redeem themselves faster than I anticipated...."

"Nii-san-! What do you mean, Mephiato? What's happening to him?!" Yukio, his brain supplied. He didn't sound okay.

"...kio... sorry, don't... don't worry too much all right? I decided.. I took the resolve to get better, to give one last chance, so.... Right after I did that, I won't....also, I want to be with my little brother now that I finally got him back, so...." he didn't know what he was saying anymore, why he was saying it or if it made sense, and he wasn't sure whether he was reassuring Yukio or himself or both of them, and he decided not to think. He heard his brother calling him and Mephisto murmuring something about needing to mobilize the esquires and them needing to be grateful to him and something hard to get ones hands on before he sighed, one last time. "Sorry... can't.... need rest, Yukio. Please..." He felt the other going stiff, then being held tight against him. 

"It's cause to worry, but nothing fatal yet." Mephistos voice.

"I'll... believe you for now. So... don't worry, Nii-san. I'll bring you home and take care of everything, so rest. You... you did a great job today, so you deserve it." 

Rin grinned weakly at these words, praise like a child would get it, and heard his brother demanding explanations while he felt himself being lifted off the ground. He slowly let himself fall into sleep, or unconsciousness. He wasn't really sure anymore, but knew he would be fine for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I did not update this for what feels like decades. There are several reasons.  
> First I had a writer's block I guess.  
> And then I really wasn't feeling my best.  
> All I want to say about it is that I felt as if my mood would just be getting worse and worse if I were to write a story as 'dark' as this one so I took about a hundred steps back and made sure I wasn't too depressive anymore before coming back here. Writing just really wasn't on my mind.
> 
> I'm still not feeling 100% sure about this, but I want to try writing again since this is bothering me. I won't promise any kind of regular updates though.
> 
> Well, I guess this doesn't make too much sense but I really just want to get over myself and my bad mood that has been there for way too long, so I don't want to go into more detail about this.
> 
> All I really want to say is thanks to those who are still interested in this story and continue to read it.
> 
> Please bear with me. (=.=)/
> 
> I hope my writing hasn't become too bad! XD


	24. Taking action

Yukio still wasn't sure how to take all of what happened during the last two days. After his brother had collapsed and after Mephistos remarks, which at the time left him with more worry and questions than anything, things had happened way too fast. 

"Nii-san... really, why didn't you just say anything again? I'm sure this is the first time - I hope it is, but..." Yukio sighed, lightly stroking his sleeping big brothers hair. "Though it really did look just like a cold, after all that happened, so.... I wish you'd wake up..."

Mephisto was the reason his brother was now asleep for the second day in a row. The older demon had done something, Yukio wasn't sure what and it wasn't like Mephisto would answer him if he asked, but something to make that happen. To make his brother sleep. Because according to him that was the only way the older Okumura would not feel any pain and risk further worsening his condition. 

Mephistos words were still clear in his head and he could swear he heard the older demons voice if he thought about them. 

 

\----------------

"Well, Okumura-sensei, I am glad to see your older brother starting to recover from everything that has happened, but it seems I have made a not so small miscalculation."

"What do you mean? What's wrong with my older brother-" Yukio stood up from where he sat beside the bed which was currently occupied by said brother. "I want to help him, he can't get worse because of anything after he is just managing to finally get better again-"

"Of course, Okumura-sensei." Mephisto turned his back to the teen. "Otherwise ...well, my actions would have been a waste of time, after all."

"Mephisto-!" 

"No need to get angry. This is a chance as well." 

"A chance?! What for? My brother-"

"As I was trying to say," he interrupted the other. "Your brother is in a bad condition because of his health. He's, essentially, sick. And it's not a human illness." He looked back at the other, continuing before Yukio could say anything. "Of course he is half human. Remember that he is half demon as well, though."

"That's not what I wanted to say." Yukio was calm now, and resolved. "What does he need? What can I do?"

"He needs medicine. One that needs to be gathered. One..." He grinned, widely. "They can get, in order to finally take action and start going the right way. It's not too hard getting the medicine. They'll have to travel a bit, but it'll be fine. We have some more time. But I will tell them that he needs to be cured from a sickness that is not of the kind humans get it. And if they do this, with the knowledge of what they are saving him from, aware he got it because he is a demon ...."

"I think they are aware."

"I'm not talking about them." Mephisto sent a meaningful glare to the still unaware Rin. "Is he?"

"... if they should fail, will he die?" The question was asked like a sword cutting through the before still thick tension in the room. A nod from Mephisto. "I can't leave it to them, then."

"Don't worry." He grinned again, widely, and snickered a little. "I'll take care of things either way. I couldn't let Okumura-kun die after all the things I've done for him, now could I? Like I said. If you don't believe anything else, then believe me that I...." the pink smoke appeared, and Mephisto was disappearing. "hate wasting time and not get good results." 

\---------------

 

After that the esquires had been sent away to the mission. They had silently listened to Mephistos explanation, but none of them had said anything. They'd all been quiet, eyes saying more than words could, and had departed the night of the first day, completely disregarding Mephistos assurance that they could leave the next day because there was still time.

A knock brought Yukio out of his thoughts. 

"Yes?"   
"Okumura-sensei." Bon bowed a little before entering the twins room fully. He hadn't been allowed to the mission, but was put of the hospital starting today. "How..."

"He won't wake up." Yukio didn't sound worried or desperate."Mephisto made him like this." He nodded at the teens questioning gaze of being allowed to sit on the only other chair in the room. "He said it's to ensure he doesn't worsen his condition and to give him rest."

"And... We believe him?" 

"I can't deny your worries," Yukio shook his head. "but since all of... This started, he's the one who has done most for my brother. Also, if anything, I do believe him if he says he hates wasting time."

Bon wasn't sure he understood fully, but he nodded. It wasn't his place to say anything about the two brothers decisions, or Yukios in this case.

"You look distressed." Yukio started, glancing at Bons fists, his hands immediately relaxing. "I don't believe you didn't go because you don't want to help him. It was you helping him - saving him, and me, that made you unable to go. He would know that as well."

"He does?" Bon didn't know whether he should allow himself to hope or not. He has seen the way Yukio and Rin, especially Rin, and he had all the rights to it, had looked at them. Distrust. Hatred, anger, sadness. All of it and so many more emotions, all of them negative, had been lying in their gazes. "I understand. He doesn't. It's his right."

"He does. Maybe he doesn't want to act on it yet, but he does. You made him open up to at least getting it when someone does something for him and not immediately seeing some sort of bad intent behind it." Yukio leaned back in his chair, sighing, smiling and petting Kuro when the cat jumped on his lap.

"No, that's wrong." Bon gritted his teeth. "That was all you. What I did would have been meaningless if not for what you've done for him... for us."

"It wasn't for you. It was only for him. I don't want my brother to live alone, never have friends - there were benefits for you in what I did, yes, but it wasn't my goal. I'm mad at you. I hate you. Just as much as myself."

The two were quiet for a while after that. Then Yukio was the first, Bon the second to start laughing.

"Nii-san would be so mad right now."

"He really would be-" Bon needed to slowly breathe to finish. "We're idiots. I thought we changed."

"Well, we should all take Nii-san as an example." He warmly looked at the sleeping older twin. "He certainly does have more strength and willpower than any of us. Abd here we are still as dark as always." 

The two if them chuckled again, and silently agreed and decided for themselves that that wouldn't be the case anymore from now on. Not soon, but right now.

 

"Is... This it?" Shiemi asked, unsure and a little shaky. "That's the place we get the medicine for him?"

"'T'is." Shura confirmed. She frowned as she looked over each of the students here with her. All of them were shaking, eyes shadowed, but just as she wanted to ask them what was wrong they all smiled.

"Then let's go-"  
"We'll definitely do this-"  
"It's finally our chance ta-"  
"We needa get tha medicine home to 'im-"

She grinned satisfied. Shura knew these kids would be eager. She was as well after all. 

"Wait fer us Rin... we'll make sure ya get better. 'N' ye'll get what ye need."

Shura and the esquires looked at each other one last time and nodded, then went into the cave before them. Vegetation for Rin was sure to be inside. They knew Mephisto was sly, but not as evil and time-wasting as to send them off to a useless chase. They knew he'd done things for the half-demon.

It was finally, finally their time to take the action as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hope you liked it and thank you very much for coming back to or finding this story even though it hadn't been updated in a long while. X"3


End file.
